Holy Thursday

And so it begins...the final push, the great celebration of my faith, the Triduum of Easter. It begins tonight with the institution of Holy Eucharist. As we were waiting in the Garden this evening following the celebration of Eucharist, I hope I had some idea of what it must have been like for those with you that evening. I know my mind was wandering all over the place and having been so tired at times, I am sure I know what the disciples who fell asleep felt even though you asked them to remain awake with you for one hour. They wanted to, but just couldn't hold their eyes open. And the anguish you have gone through this night and tomorrow...no one but you could possibly understand the torment of your heart and soul, but I would like to share the sorrow with you if it will help relieve your burden. I know you came to help relieve my burdens and my sins, and even though you have no sins, I will help you carry any burdens you may ask of me.

Oh sweet one...thank you for the offer. I will allow you to help me with those burdens I think you can help me with. Do not fear. I want you to be with me and to help me. That is why I have chosen this path for you now. The path you were on was not leading where I need you to go to help me. Come with me and you will have your share of the joys and sorrows, the burdens and the strength to carry it. You will have all you need. Just be with me as I want to be with you and we will do the Father's will together.

Tell me of your dream.

It was raining and I was with my friend. We were in her vehicle, along with her oldest son and an infant identified as her youngest grandchild, but not the child of her oldest son. The buildings of the downtown area are familiar as the buildings of my town. I am barefoot and ask my friend if she will drop me by my grandfather's place...two blocks from where we are. She says no and I think at first that she is joking...after all, it is only two blocks. I tell her that and she again says no, she just won't do it and could I get out now as she has to feed the baby. I get out of her vehicle, my feet landing in a puddle and I again ask her if she will please give me a ride as it's raining and I'm barefoot and it's only two blocks out of her way and again she says no and drives between two buildings...tall buildings (and there actually is no road between them). I tell her as I get out that I am very hurt and she says she just can't do it.

Then tonight I find the reason for the dream is that is how I make you feel when I don't/won't do as I think you are commanding me. I hurt you that badly and I am so sorry for the times when I won't go out of my way to do as you ask me, Lord. It is a humbling thing to think that I hurt you that badly. I am so sorry. Help me to do better.

Rest in my love, knowing that I am with you and that I died for you that you might have more chances to overcome the faults in yourself that keep you from me. I love you and want you with me. Go in peace knowing that I am with you and love you.