Year's End--and New Beginnings

 Sixth Day of Christmas, 2016
Year's End and New Beginnings

Well, it has certainly been an event filled year for not only me and my family, but also for the world as the surprise results of the election will have an impact on world events.

As to my family changes, my daughter who has been married for over 20 years got divorced this past year due to infidelity on the part of her husband. My granddaughter, the fruit of this marriage, graduated from college and is now gainfully employed. I am very proud of both of my girls and I pray that the upcoming year will bring them back to, You, my dear Lord and God. As of now, they seem to be in denial mode, denial of Your existence and love for them. I continue to pray and hope that they will return to You.

My son and his wife have been trying to have a child. This is my son's third wife and he has been gone from the Catholic faith for years. Still, I hope that he will see that there is no future for him and his wife and potential family without Your guidance, my Lord. They are now trying IVF because normal means of conceiving a child have proved ineffective. I don't know how to tell them that IVF isn't approved by the Church, although since he is no longer attending, I don't know if it would do anything but drive them further from You and the Church.

My other son seems to be doing well, at least so far. It has been a trying year for he and his family as well, however. His ex-wife and the mother of his four children suffered a huge loss when her significant other and essentially the children's stepfather was killed in the line of duty. He was a law enforcement officer and his death has been hard on the whole family.

My nephew, the youngest son of my deceased little brother got into some trouble and was arrested for a probation violation. We bailed him out and he is currently living with us and is doing well. He worked for us this summer and is now working at the local sawmill. He is a good kid and I pray that he will also come to know you.

My dad seems to be doing well. He is still able to live at his home because a niece and nephew are living there to keep an eye on him. He is in relatively good health but doesn't do much. I know his relationship with you is good, however, and I thank you for that.

My sister and her family seem to be doing well and I am so happy that she has two new grandchildren to love and help care for. She is a blessing to me and to them.

Last Christmas, my husband and I rescued a little kitten on the day after Christmas. She was the delight of our lives. Such a loving and cuddly little thing but unfortunately, we have lost her. She was killed by an automobile when she was attempting to cross the highway.

My husband and I continue to do well. Our marriage seems to get stronger all the time and I constantly pray for your protection and guidance in keeping our marital relations good. I have so many failings and faults that I am amazed that my husband continues to tolerate me, but he does. Thank you for that wonderful gift as well.

One of my lifelong friends, who also was recently divorced, has moved back "home" and her friendship is a delight to me. I am looking forward to growing in our relationship, in, with and through you.

Several other friends and I conducted a study of the Catholic Church via the program Symbolon and it was very informative. Our parish has also signed up for the Formed program through the Augustine Institute and we did one of the Bible Study programs this fall. Whether we continue to do more programs will remain to be seen.

My cousin who was living fairly close has returned to the city where we graduated from high school, after losing a job here at a local school. She is currently working at another school and I pray that she is calling upon you for guidance as she instructs little minds.

My Dad's sole surviving sister died this past year and that has grieved her daughters and her brothers. I am also grieved, but also rejoice because I know she loved you and I pray that she is with you and her other loved ones. One of her daughters has cut me off from social media because of the results of the election. I can't say that I am heartbroken because she is an atheist and a liberal who cannot see where her views are taking her. I continue to pray for her and hope that she will eventually see the light.

Other family members are doing well as are other friends. I thank you for the blessing of their lives and pray that you will grow my relationships with them according to your will.

I used the saint name generator again this year to come up with a new Saint to accompany throughout the year. I was delighted to be chosen by St. Nicholas and look forward to seeing what new depths of generosity and giving he can lead me into as well as a new knowledge of You and Your love.

So, I have been asked to ask you what new phrase or word you would like to give me as the guiding focus of my life for this coming year. I have given it some thought but have not yet listened to You, my Lord. What word or phrase would you like to give me?

"Give us aid against the foe; worthless is human help. We will triumph with the help of God, who will trample down our foes."  ~ Psalm 60:13-14

Although this Psalm starts off with rejection and defeat, it ends with the above verse. So, I will do some thinking about it and try to always ask for Your help first, My Lord and My God.

My Sweet Child,
I love you mightily and I say to you. Do not be afraid. Go forth with joy in knowing You can call upon me at need and we will fight the foes that plague your life and the lives of your loved ones. There is nothing to fear, even in persecution and suffering, for I am with you and I am God. Anything you suffer, offer up to me for my glory and I will bless you mightily. Do not hesitate to call upon me, especially when human help is far off or nonexistent and you will begin to experience the Power of my Kingdom, which I desire to give you. I love you.

Thank you, my Lord and my God. I love you and thank you for this past year, with all its sufferings and changes.

Fifth day of Christmas, 2016

Feast of the Holy Family, Dec. 30th

One of the first things I learned about Jesus was that he spent most of his life in a family.

He was a preacher, a rabbi for the last three years of his life, but the rest of it was spent with family. Most of it was spent among family.

Because I don't think that humankind has changed much in 2000 plus years, I imagine there was fun, laughter, tears and arguments but mostly love in his immediate family and in his extended family relationships.

Because it was THE Holy Family, there may not have been as much argument as in other families, but I suspect that Jesus learned much of his understanding and compassion of being human through the very human family interactions he experienced.

Although I didn't appreciate it at the time, the very holiness of family life with Mary and Joseph was such a gift to Jesus and to us.

Oh, thank you Blessed Mother and St. Joseph for teaching our Lord about our humanity and to be the best person he could be.

And thank you, Sweet Jesus for sanctifying your home life with Mary and Joseph so that they could provide you with the love that you first gave to them.

What a joyous circle of life! I thank you and praise you!

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Fourth Day of Christmas, 2016

After working to get all my year end things done, I find myself feeling empty, bereft almost of something meaningful to be doing. 

Rethinking that statement, however, I remember everything I still have to do, so I just need to refocus and get my prayer life in order so that everything else is comes into order.

And, in thinking about that, I realize I have not done much praying today at all, so perhaps that is the source of the empty feeling in my heart and soul.

Oh, my Jesus, please fill me with your life and love that I might serve you to the best of my ability. 

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God,  have mercy on me, a sinner.

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3rd Day of Christmas, 2016

Feast of the Holy Innocents 

Today is the day when we commemorate those unknown children, male children 2 years of age and younger, in the town of Bethlehem who were murdered by Herod.

The three wise men did not return to tell the King where Jesus, the newborn King to whom they were led by the star, was to be found. So Herod had all the male children slaughtered in a fit of rage and insanity.

Such a sad event to mark the coming of our Lord. And, just prior to the holocaust Joseph had another dream to take Mary and Jesus and flee to Egypt until Herod had died.

Oh, sweet Jesus! How this must have saddened you. Yet, I think the current slaughter of unborn children must sadden you as much. 

Thank you, my Lord, for the salvation you grant to all the Holy Innocents who are murdered at the whim of ryrants. Especially those children in Syria and other middle Eastern countries 

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2nd Day of Christmas, 2016

Overcoming selfishness 

That old feeling of hurt feelings came back to haunt me a couple of times this Christmas.

It has been an ongoing battle I fight at Christmas.

A feeling of being under-appreciated by those I love who do not consider me worthy of giving gifts to. I have agonized over it many times and thought I was making progress.

But those ugly negative thoughts came back again to haunt me when my son and daughter-in-law didn't give us anything for Christmas. Not even a card.

And again today when I realized that I was not on anybody's Advent Angel list. Or if I was, I didn't get anything.

So, my Lord, it's not like this ugliness and selfishness is news to you, for it has plagued me for years. Nevertheless, I feel bad that I have allowed it to mar the joy of the season.

I surrender it again to you, my Lord. Please restore to me the joy of giving for the sake of giving, as you gave your life in atonement for my sins.

Help me to be thankful that I was able to give gifts to those I love and to the person I had as my Advent Angel.

Please bless her and I hope that my gifts were well received by her, as gifts from you.

Thank you for my family, especially my son and his wife who so desire children. Lord. Please bless them according to your will and gift them with a child, if that is your will.

I don't want to be ugly and selfish to you, my God. Please weed out the ugliness from my heart and soul.

Thank you.

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The First Day of Christmas

As I was praying today, I realized that in all my concerns about what gifts God would bestow on me that I forgot to give my life and love to Him.
I always intended that my blogging would be the gift I gave. And it is truly a poor gift in that I did not take the time to compose it rightly, often doing so only between commercials because I felt I must get something down. Often times it was done during the wee hours of the next day, instead of for the current day of Advent.
Ah, my Lord. How I have failed you, in most everything.
I also had a bad..as in selfish..moment when my son and his wife did not give us anything. Not even a card, although they did bring lots of food.
So, here I am on the First day of Christmas and I desire to know and love you more than I ever have, my Lord and my God.
Please help me to give you today the gift of my life and whatever talents and treasures might delight you.
You are my Lord and my God. I treasure and cherish our moments together. Help me to always stay focused on you and to live my life ever more in accordance with ways that please you.
So, here is the first offering and it includes a photo of the tree that I love, even though it us artificial and white. I find it beautiful and peaceful and I rejoice in seeing it lit, especially at night.
Thank you, my Lord and my God. Help me to give you what you want from me and not to disappoint you.

Christmas, 2016

Many Christmas blessings to all! Thank you, almighty God for the gifts you bestow on us.

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Fourth Saturday of Advent

It's here! The day of the coming of the Lord is here after a month of preparation and prayer.

Elijah has come to prepare the way of the Lord, as we hear in today's Gospel reading in Zechariah's blessing of his son, John.

The prayers and preparations are complete. It's time to simply relax in the love of our Lord and God. He has come!

Thank you, my Lord, for sending your son! He has restored to us the dignity you intended we have.

I love you, my Lord and my God. I trust in you and give to you my family as well as myself that we all may enter into your Kingdom.

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Fourth Friday of Advent, 2016

This afternoon I feel such sadness. I don't know why, but I am filled with regrets over things that are no longer as they have been and sadness and regrets over things I have failed to do.

In praying the Christmas prayer of St. Andrew, I have been praying for my family and their needs. I have failed them so, by not imparting to them my deep and abiding love for you, my Lord.

I think if they had faith, they could more easily weather the spiritual storms besetting them.

I am sure each of my children has regrets, too, about things that were but no longer are..

And that causes me sadness, too.

Our only hope is the salvation by our God, the newborn King of Kings.

Forgive me for my failures to choose secular things before you, my God and help me to find Christmas joy.

I love you, in spite of my failings. Please grant to me what I need to be your most dedicated, loving and humble servant.

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Fourth Thursday of Advent, 2016

Contemplating today on Christmas and Christmases past, I am struck by the differences I feel this year compared to past years.

Many years I agonized about what gifts to give and stressed so much about it when the giving of gifts I thought and prepared so lovingly were met with indifference, if not outright dislike.

This year, I have not stressed, but merely enjoyed each and every moment of picking and choosing gifts for those whom I love.

And, if they don't appreciate them, then so be it. I will not take it personally.

I have always comforted myself when my gifts are rejected  with the comparison of humanity's rejection of your Christmas gift, my Lord and my God. 

You gave us the ultimate gift at Christmas..the gift of yourself, of your son.

And so often, we have rejected it. How sad for us, Lord. And how oddly comforting to me..that you know and feel this rejection that has so devastated me in past years.

So, I thank you, and give you praise that you have experienced what I have experienced. I pray that you will allow me to further share in knowing and loving you..whether it means loving acceptance and gratitude or rejection.

Help me to have a truly blessed Christmas, according to your will, my Lord.

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Fourth Wednesday of Advent, 2016

Today's Gospel reading is that wonderful meeting between Mary and Elizabeth when Elizabeth recognizes, through the "leaping of her child in the womb," that Mary is the "mother of her Lord."

What a powerful witness and testimony to Mary's unique and wonderful role in helping us to find and fall in love with her son.

John the Baptist and Jesus met mystically in their mothers wombs as Mary and Elizabeth were marveling of God's goodness and love.

Thank you, Lord for the gift of your mother.

Thank you Mother Mary for saying yes to God.

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Fourth Tuesday of Advent, 2016

I realized today how simply things seem to be going for me this Advent.

I don't seem to be worried or stressed about anything as we move closer to celebrating the day when Christ became man, reuniting us, or more specifically, opening the door through which we might access the heavenly kingdom again.

While I have been busy getting things done, I recognize that I am receiving help from heaven to get through everything that needs doing before the Coming of the Lord.

And, this is happening in spite of myself and those faults and failings I confessed last night.

I feel truly surrendered.

I am yours Blessed Mother and my Lord Jesus Christ. Let me get done those things that are important to you.

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Fourth Monday of Advent, 2016

Cleansed and Purified

Tonight was the penance service for our parish and I was confessing my failings. Fr told me to continue to pray for God's grace to change me, because I cannot change myself.

Instead of totally surrendering my many faults, I have continued to struggle to overcome them myself,  to no avail.

Fr reminded me that I must even surrender those things that I think aren't worthy of surrendering because God chose to join our dysfunctional family. 

He knows my faults and loves me in spite of them, ever forgiving and ever willing to strengthen me and guide me as I seek to know and love Him more.

Thank you, my Lord, for opening the door to forgiveness.

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Fourth Sunday of Advent, 2016

"They shall name him Emmanuel, which means God is with us." ~ Matthew 1:23

The final week of anticipation begins, as we await the coming of our King.

My heart is joyful and happy at the thought if welcoming him to be "with us....with me."

God is with me. Each thought I have, each deed I perform, everything I think, do and say...God is with me.

Thank you, my Lord and my God. Keep me on the path you would have me tread.

Help me to spend this coming week joyfully preparing for your coming.

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Third Saturday of Advent, 2016

The temperature today was below zero or slightly above as a massive cold front swept into the area.

It brings to mind the prayer of St. Andrew

"Hail and blessed be the hour and the moment in which the Son of God was born of the most pure Virgin Mary, at midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold. In that hour, vouchsafe I beseech thee, oh my God to hear my prayers and grant my desires, through the merits our Lord Jesus Christ and of his blessed Mother. Amen."

I don't know if it was as cold as it is here and now, but I do know that spending even mildly cold night outside, with only the warmth of animals would be terrifying.

That it seems to have been done so peacefully is a miracle and blessing. 

That angels sang the Gloria that same night is another wonder and so is the shepherds coming to pay a visit to the newborn King of Kings. At midnight, in piercing cold as well. Away from their fires and warm camps.

Oh, my Lord. You are wonderful indeed. Thank you for thinking we are worth saving, worth dying for, in spite of all our failings and faults.

I praise and adore you my God! You are awesome.

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Third Friday of Advent, 2016

"But I have testimony greater than John's. The works that the Father gave me to accomplish, these works that I perform testify on my behalf that the Father has sent me." ~ John 5:36

My Lord, in a previous passage from this chapter of John, you state that you come not to do your will, but the will of the Father.

Here, you state that the works you do are testimony of that. Or that you are able to do miracles because it is the Father's will to do them.

Such words speak of a Father concerned about the minute details of my life, the lives of each person. 

Such a thought is staggering to me when I consider how little I am valued by the leaders, movers and shakers of this world.

I am nought in the sight of the powerful of this world.

Yet, when you do miracles in my life (and you have done many, for which I thank you and praise you), it is because I am valued by you, that I have some purpose I can accomplish for the Father, for You, for the Holy Spirit and all the angels and saints who are so precious to me.

I fear that I am such a disappointment to all of you. 

Please help me to become who you want me to be so that I can do the Father's will.

It seems, my dear child, that we frequently have this conversation. You have said it, you are valued by our Father, and me and the Holy Spirit. You are valued by my mother, to whom you have consecrated your life. You are valued by angels and saints that you have befriended.

We all want you to accomplish the Father's will in your life. 

We await with great expectation the day when you will simply start doing it, not being afraid to step out in faith. 

We long to help you.

It is you who delay. Begin tomorrow and we will help you.

Be not afraid. Be filled with joy for it is true. We love you.

Thank you, my Lord. 

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Third Thursday of Advent

This is z pboto I took after visiting my friend todsy.

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Third Wednesday of Advent

St. John of the Cross

Today, Dec.14 is the feast day if one of the giants of our faith. St. John's epic work on "The Dark Night of the Soul," has become a source of renewal for many Catholic monks and lay people.

Lord, show me how to ascend the mountain.

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Third Tuesday of Advent, Dec. 13

The Solemnity of St. Lucy

"What is your opinion?"...~ Matthew 21: 28

Lord, today, as we continue our Advent journey, you are asking questions of the scribes and Pharisees about an event...the two sons, and which does the Father's will..the son who at first refuses and then relents and does it or the son who says yes, he will do it, but does not.

It is a lesson intended for those who think they are safe and can presume upon the Father's good will. 

It is also a story of humility and right thinking when the son who at first refused then changes his mind and does what the Father asks.

Quite frankly,  my Lord, I find myself confused by which of those  I am, for I can identify with both.

What is your opinion of me, my Lord and my God?

You are both, my child, at differing times you are both obedient and disobedient. You say you want to be Mine, but you refuse to throw down those trappings of the world which have ensnared you. Television comes to mind.

And, your news blogs. You spend far too much time consumed with the opinions of men than you do seeking my opinion.

Yet, I love you and  want to give you your hearts desire. I am your hearts desire, albeit hidden within your search for beauty, knowledge and acceptance.

You must surrender your will to mine. You must follow the teachings of Lectio and begin to grow in our relationship. You talk at me and pray at me, but seldom do you speak with me or pray with me. Do you understand the difference? I want you to experience the full depth of my love and concern for you, but you must let go of the trappings of the world.

Please help me, Lord, and Blessed Mother, to overcome those weaknesses and addictions which so consume me that I have little time to give to you. 

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Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe

Our Lady is such a humble and beautiful person who has been glorified by her obedience to God.

I thank you , my Lord for the gift of Our Lady. She is so beautiful and full of grace, which along with  the humility she emulates,  is the reason You have chosen  her to help your children navigate the perils of this life.

I read another meditation today that noted not only is she humble and lowly..according to the world's standards..but she appears to the lowly and woeldly insignificant.

The author says this is why we are to know of God's love for each of us.

And in contemplating this, I find I am filled with joy. I know I have not done as well as I want this Advent. But, I am still filled with joy and love for you, my Lord and my God.

Please help me, Blessed Lady of Guadalupe, to overcome those obstacles that keep me from loving you and your Son and God  to the best of my ability.

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Gaudete Sunday, Advent 2016

Today has been an interesting day, my Lord.

It began when I took my friend Communion and even though I have spent quite a bit of time helping her, I think she thought I had done something wrong when I helped her set up her router. So, I left upset with her.

Then, I spent a little time trying to find a good picture for today's gift while my heart was disturbed. I spent the afternoon glued to my phone and then attended the choir Christmas concert with another friend. 

It was interesting because of the people there, in particular another friend  with whom I have trouble communicating. Nothing new on that front, although I was surprised to see that friend, I didn't really feel fear about speaking, as I have in past instanced,  just indifference.

Until later, when I once again marvel at the really bad timing the two of us seem to have. And I have felt bad ever since, wondering why this happens to us. 

It's the heart to heart thing that has always been a hallmark of our relationship. Only we don't seem to ever be in sync.

And yet, this is the reason I have come to experience your love on an ever deeper level.

Lord, I have not been experiencing this Advent as purely and as holy as I would like.

I offer what I am and what I have in the hopes that you can make of it something you desire.

It is a pitiful offering, I realize, I pray that you and Blessed mother can help me to do better.

Thank you, my Lord. 

Please help me to overcome my addictions.

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Motherhood, 3rd Saturday of Advent 2016

There was a moment tonight when I had some profound thoughts on morhers and motherhood.

But  I serm to have forgotten. It is the most joyous of vocations. Not being a mother can be terribly sad.

Lord, please bless all mothers and those who would be mothers.

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2nd Friday of Advent, 2016

It was the annual Festival of Trees tonight. A fundraiser for the Chamber of Commerce and another worthy cause.

Lots of  Christmas items are auctioned off. There were some really cute items and some that went for way too much, for what they were worth.  But, it was a festive event, as usual.
I wonder about whether we should hold festive gatherings during Advent. Our culture has definitely lost the reason and purpose of Advent as a penitential time to prepare for the coming of the Lord.

Have mercy on me, my Lord and God for my failure to adequately prepare for your coming.
Please help me to re-focus and to do better loving you.

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2nd Wednesday of Advent, 2016

Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception 

Thank you , Lord, for the gift of your Blessed Mother to br our mother as well.

I have been contemplating the Memorare:

What an awesome thing it is that you do for us. How you care for us and bless us as any mother would bless her children.

Thank you.

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2nd Wednesday of Advent, 2016

Uplifted rock formation

Bearing Our Burdens 

"Jesus said to the crowds: "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." ~ Matthew 11:28-30

It has been some years now since I first heard an explanation of this Gospel verse from a priest. I struggled with the "take my yoke upon you...for my yoke is easy and my burden is light" portion of the verse for several reasons. The first being that I didn't want to take any one's yoke upon myself, because I was struggling with enough at the time as it already was...I didn't need to add an additional weight of someone's burden to my already over-burdened life, even if it was the Lord who was asking.

How I now shudder to think that I was once so shallow and mean-spirited and selfish. My spiritual director relieved me by asking me if I had ever seen oxen yoked together pulling a heavy weight. Of course, I replied in the affirmative. He went on to explain to me that neither of the oxen could pull such a weight by themselves, but that by pulling together, it made the burden lighter on both of them.
That was something I had never considered, even though I had been married for a number of years and had worked with my spouse to accomplish some things, it never dawned on me that we had been "yoked together" so that we could actually get the job done. Nor had I ever applied it to the Lord, oddly enough.

As I have since learned, when the Lord yokes Himself to me, it is for my benefit and not to make His burden lighter, as I had erroneously thought. He is actually doing me a favor by yoking His Divine Self to my poor and piteous human self and pulling with me through the difficulty. It is an astounding thought...that He would want to...and that I could be so foolish as to not want to be yoked together with the Lord of the Universe. Wow. 

Fortunately, with good spiritual direction, I was able to view that Scripture in the proper light and it opened for me a whole new way of viewing Scripture and the Lord's call in my life.That's the "and learn from me" portion of this Gospel verse. Because I was able to correctly understand this one verse, it opened for me a way to understand better (not something that comes all at once, but a journey of learning) scripture as God meant it to be. And now that I am studying Lectio Divina I understand that God's Word is Him actually speaking to me. To me, personally. Again, Wow. 

 It is still a little intimidating to think that He wants to be yoked to all that burdens me, as I sit and consider all that I have to do and all that is left undone. And that He loves me deeply enough and dearly enough to yoke Himself to me. For me and for my benefit. It's so amazing and I am so in love with you, Lord.

Thank you for all your many blessings and for choosing to yoke yourself to me that I might be able to bear my burdens with ease.

You must learn to accept all that you hear me speaking in the depths of your heart as our Heart to Heart Conversation. Yes, I use my Scripture to begin the conversation, but as we journey along, you must act on the sure knowledge that what you hear in the depths of your heart is actually me speaking to you. It will change your life, as you know from past glimpses of this truth.
My child, I do love you beyond imagining. Fear not. All is well.

Thank you, my Lord! 

2nd Advent Tuesday

A picture of a bird i  my yard this morming.

This was a day in which I didn't get anything done except to take the picture and get it posted.

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2nd Monday of Advent, 2016

"A highway will be there called the holy way;

No one unclean may pass over it nor fools go astray on it." ~Isaiah 38:8

Does this mean, Lord, that fools such as I will not wander off the holy way and become lost in sin once more?

Or does it mean that no one who is foolish will stray onto the holy way unintentionally?

I was about to ask if there was a difference, but of course there is. While I may be foolish, I am most decidedly yours, my Lord, and you would not allow me to go astray.

While there may be other fools who would seek to wander along the holy way, just their seeking it out would be enough for you to give them another chance to journey along the holy way towards everlasting love with you. 

In the same way, fools who do not wish for eternal love and companionship with you would not be able to find the holy way accidentally. Somehow, they would be blocked from finding it, unless the desire for You were a sincere one.

Oh, I praise you, my Lord and my God. You are so wonderful in how you have revealed Yourself to simple folks like me. I pray to always be so simple and true.

My sweet child, I delight in sharing my life with you to the absolute fullest. I am here to guide you along the Holy Way. I AM the Holy Way. You are not here by accident. I want you here and I want to journey with you in everything you think, do and say,  Showing you more and more of the holy life.

Soon you will realize just how perfect this is and how joyously wonderful.

Oh, thank you, my Lord any my God for your many blessings poured out on me and my loved  ones. I just realized how trustless my agonized prayers for my daughter and granddaughter are. If I believe in your love for me, then I must also believe and trust that you will guide them onto the Holy Way, from whence they will not go astray.

Oh, thank you, my wonderful Lord. My King. My Friend.

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2nd Sunday of Advent, 2016

"O Lord, you have searched me and known me!You know when I sit down and when I rise up;you discern my thoughts from afar.You search out my path and my lying down,and are acquainted with all my ways.Even before a word is on my tongue,behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.You beset me behind and before,and lay your hand upon me.Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;it is high, I cannot attain it."

This is the Scripture passage I am meditating upon in my study and practice of Lectio Divina.

Lord, that you know me so well..every thought and every move I make and still love me is humbling. That you are associated with those things, because I am yours, is even more humbling because they are not worthy.

And that our Mother is also associated with the lowest thing I do or say is something that I can be ashamed  of, when my motives are impure.

Yet, that knowledge is "too wonderful, too high," according to the Psalmist. 

It is the knowledge that I am not worthy and am small and mean that keeps me from conversing with you in our heart of hearts. Or keeps me from believing it is you that I am conversing with. It is easier to think I am talking to myself or to someone else, rather than you.

Don't be afraid little one. I love you. I forgive you. Yet, I want you to begin to live this truth deeply for it is the union with me that will enable  you to be who you are meant to be.

Go in peace, sweet child. We will learn to walk with one another. You will learn to have the faith that will enable you to hear and do my commands. 

Thank you, my Lord. I love you. 

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First Saturday of Lent, 2016

"Then he summoned his twelve disciples and gave them authority  over unclean spirits to drive them out and to cure every disease and every illness.

As you go, make this proclamation: 'The kingdom of heaven is at hand.' Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, drive out demons. Without cost you have received, without cost you are to give." ~ Matthew 10: 1, 5-8.

Today's Gospel reading is the one that jumped out at me as I was reading it. In seeking to draw closer to God, I have been studying the ancient Christian method of praying lectio divina. 

As I meditate and study this, I wonder exactly how you gave the Apostles your power. Did you bless them by laying hands on them? Or did you just tell them they had the power?

What heady joy they must have felt when curing illness or driving out demons! And it was to be told to all whom they helped  that the kingdom of heaven is at hand. 

This, then, the power over the dysfunctions of our world is the Kingdom of Heaven. It was available to them while they were living in this world. 

It is available to us, now.

Why then, does illness and disease, demon possession still haunt our world? The Gospel has been preached throughout the world. But, somehow, the power has been lost. Surely, you didn't intend the power to fade with the deaths of the Apostles?

No, of course not, my Child. I want all of my disciples to give what they have received. Do you now understand that you have been given power to cure illness and disease, drive out demons? Tell others the good news of the Kingdom? And to do it without cost.

I want you go be a powerful force for good in my world. Do you accept this gift?

Yes, Lord, I do accept. 

Then go forth in faith, knowing that I am with you. Be not afraid, my little child. I love you. 

 

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First Friday of Advent, 2016

Faith

"Let it be done for you according to your faith. And their eyes were opened. Jesus warned them sternly--see that no one knows about this." Matthew 9: 29-30

The gift of faith: precious and  powerful,  able to grant sight to the two blind  men. Yet, fragile too. Easily dimmed by the darkness of doubts or why else would you, Jesus, grant their deepest desire "according to your faith."

How often do you perform miracles because "your faith has saved you?"

What a wondrous gift and yet so few dare to open it to the fullest potential. 

Lord, grant me faith the size of a mustard seed and the courage to use it.

 

 

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First Advent Thursday

Losing Angelina 

I have lost a granddaughter, my sweet Angelina. She lives across the country with her mother, my husband's estranged first wife.

We have not heard from her for some months and so I texted her today to inquire about what she wants for Christmas.

I think her mother intercepted the message, however, as she has in the past. She said she just wants money so she can buy what she wants. Fair enough.

I told her what I want..a letter and some photos. And she is too busy to do that and cannot afford to print pictures.

So, I gave her my blessings and prayers and wished her a Merry Christmas.

And I will not be sending any money to her this Christmas. 

In years past, I would have stewed and fretted about such an apparent breach. But this time I realize there is no way to combat Angelina's mother other than via prayer. She has always been greedy and is either teaching her daughter such tricks or isn't even allowing Angelina to see the texts. 

Either way, I don't think I am obliged  to put up with such disrespect. Nor am I obliged to send Christmas money just because Angelina is my granddaughter.

Ah, Lord. I do not think this pleases you and I would very much like to please you. Forgive me for any bad decisions I am making in this matter.

I do ask that you bless Angelina and her mother. Pour out your blessings of love and grace upon Angelina and her mother.

And keep me from spiritual smugness.

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Nov. 30th, Feast of St. Andrew

Today we begin the beautiful Christmas Anticipation Prayer which is prayed 15 times per day from now til Christmas. 

"Hail and blessed be the hour and the moment in which the Son of God was born of the most pure Virgin Mary at midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold. In that hour, vouchsafe, I beseech thee my Lord to hear my prayer and grant my desires (mention prayer request) through the merits of your Son Jesus Christ and His Blessed Mother."

I can't remember exactly what I prayed for last year, but I suspect it was similar to what I prayed for today..salvation for my husband, children and grandchildren. And what I will pray for each day as we prepare for Your coming.

Last year, I think I prayed for a special blessing for my daughter because we had just finished the Thanksgiving family party for my dad. At that time, I once again felt my daughter's pain over something not right with her marriage. Her husband's neglect and disinterest of her was so evident that I am sure I prayed for a solution.

Months later, when she filed for divorce because of his infidelity, I knew she had been suffering for quite some time.

This year, I have just spent time with her and my granddaughter and I think my daughter is drinking too heavily. She is also looking for love on a dating site.

I pray that she will find Your love, my Lord. I hope she can find You in her loneliness. My prayers are that she answers Your call to her as she looks for love.

This year, I write about it so I can look back and know your love for me in answering my prayers and granting my desires, as I suspect you did last year, even though it meant a painful divorce for my beautiful daughter.

But, I don't know if she is strong enough to withstand the allures of worldly concerns.

So, I give her to you and to Blessed Mother.

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First Tuesday, Advent 2016

Today has been one of those days when worldly things seem to get in the way of prayer, meditation, conversation with God.

Doctors visit, trip to visit mother-in-law, grocery shopping  dinner. The day just seemed to slip away without my prayer time.

And I  just lost interest in my routine of prayers, even though those prayers and the ritual of spending time with the Lord is what has kept me safe and sane all these many years.

I read a new prayer today called The Set Aside Prayer. It goes like this:

"God, please help me set aside everything I think I know about  myself, this padsage and you, so I may have a new experience of these things."

Amen. I need  to set all aside that God can teach me about  myself and Himself and what He wants from me.

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First Monday of Advent 2016

Shadow creeps over the mountains as light fades

A New Beginning

"For over all, the Lord's glory will be shelter and protection: shade from the parching heat of day, refuge and cover from storm and rain."~ Isaiah 4:6

The start of Advent, coming as it does in the darkest part of the year, would seem an odd time to think of a new beginning.

At least, for non-Christians. 

Yet, it is the time when hope is brought forth from the darkness to shine brightly in our lives as we prepare for our Lord's coming.

The Lord promises us protection, from the natural elements that threaten us, as well as from evil that stalks around us, seeking our ruin.

How Blessed we are, to have the protection of the Lord of the universe as we journey ever closer to Him, waiting and watchful for the birth of our Savior in the deepest cold of winter's night.

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Clouds of Unknowing

"As the sun was about to set, a trance fell upon Abram, and a deep, terrifying darkness enveloped him."~ Genesis 15:12

"While he was still speaking, a cloud came and cast a shadow over them, and they became frightened when they entered the cloud."~ Luke 9:34

These two passages from today's Scripture readings both spoke to me.

In both passages, the people are enveloped by a cloud..in Abram's case a dark and terrifying one.
In the Gospel reading from Luke, a shadow is cast by the cloud, but it still frightens the Apostles Peter, James and John when they entered it.

These are all men used to working outdoors. Clouds and the darkness of storm clouds were not unfamiliar to them. Yet they were all frightened or terrified. Why?

Clearly, all of them recognized something supernatural about these particular clouds.

They recognized the presence of God. And it was frightening, even terrifying.

Putting myself on the Mount of the Transfiguration, I can sympathize with the Apostles.
Not only was Jesus there and speaking with Moses and Elijah, who were both long from this world and a voice from within the cloud was speaking to them.

They are imbued with a sensible "fear of the Lord, " I think, under those circumstances.

Abram, too, knew that the powerful Presence he sensed in the darkness that was emveloping him was God and he also had a respectable fear of the Lord.

Both moments were mountain top experiences. Moments that "sealed the deal," essentially. Moments of euphoria and covenant that they could look back upon and remind themselves that they had personal experiences with the God of the Universe.

And that He loved and cared for them and is faithful, even when they are not. Even when they are fearful and unknowing.

Praise You,  almighty God! Glory and praise to you.

Thank you, Lord!

Gluttony and Sloth

Gluttony and sloth. Those were the words that came to me when I asked the Lord for the root causes of my spiritual failures.

Two of the biggies, in terms of moral failings and I have allowed them both to overtake my life.

And even when it came to me that those were my sins, mortal sins that are endangering the health and well being of my heart and soul, I could do nothing about fixing them.
I am in the same place as people I know and love who are addicted to drugs or alcohol.

~That's because, my dear one, you can do nothing apart from me and these things are keeping you separate from me.~
So how do I break out of this rut? How do I actually accomplish what you want me to accomplish when I spend every moment doing things that I want to do?

Granted, I tell myself that I am doing my prayers or my spiritual readings in an attempt to justify those actions.

I have no justification for the amount of television and computer web sites I gluttonously consume while my home and work duties go undone.

That's the sloth part.
Oh, my Jesus. Blessed Mother, Holy Spirit, God the Father, St. Paul, Guardian Angel, St. Joseph and all the saints whom I love: Please help me.

Show me how to surrender to Your most holy and perfect will for my life. Then, please grant to me the fortitude, wisdom and strength to DO YOUR WILL.

God Almighty, Please forgive me for my disobedience, judgemental attitude and pride.

You have let me do what I want and I have deceived myself into thinking that there are no consequences.

But there are consequences, not the least of which is that the filth piles up in my heart, soul and home.

Oh, Blessed Mother! Please help me to clean house so that I am a fit abode for the Lord.

~Do not fear, my child. Over and over, I tell you not to fear. Yes, seek my mercy and love. Ask me for whatever you will and it will be granted, according to the Father's will.~

Oh, thank you, my Lord and my God. I ask for nothing but Your will to be done in my life.
Help me to do what YOU want.

I sometimes catch a glimpse of myself in a reflection and wonder who that ugly and hideous person is..what has become of the beauty I have consider myself to be? How did I become so prideful in my physical attributes? Or in thinking myself so smart?

Oh, Lord. Help me. I truly give it all to you, through Blessed Mother. I don't know what or if there is anything I can do for you at this point, but I offer it anyway. The sad and pathetic person I see reflected back at myself is all I have to offer.

~Tomorrow, go to Mass. Keep holy the Sabbath. Praise Me for all things in your life. Give me thanks and praise. Do not fear. I love you.

Surrendering

"Come to me with all your weaknesses; physical, emotional and spiritual. Rest in the comfort of my presence,  remembering that nothing is impossible for me." ~ Feb. 15th meditation in "Jesus Calling," by Sarah Young

I keep struggling with the same weakness and don't seem to be able to make any progress, despite my "alleged" determination to make progress.

Alleged is in scare quotes because the level of determination on my part varies greatly, depending on my comfort level with any sacrifice that might be required.

So, when I read a meditation like the one quoted above, I wonder if I am going about it all wrong? How do I surrender those areas of most concern to me?

Those areas that I want to be good at but am clearly not?
I think I have surrendered them, but when I realize how little progress I am making, I clearly have not relinquished control.

Part of the reason is that I want those areas of my life to be better before I let  God take control, I guess.

For some reason, these weaknesses seem so petty that I am sure God doesn't want to be bothered with them.

Yet, if He wants all of me, it should include those deepest weaknesses, shouldn't it?

Or perhaps, in reading Ephesians 3:20-21, it is a failure of imagination on my part to be able to grasp what God desires of me and for me.
Lord, my God and Savior. Please help me. You know what I need. You know my deepest failures and embarrassments. You know my desires, which maybe are not your desires for me. Please show me what you desire for me and then help me to get there.
Thank you.

Dying to self

"Because he clings to me, I will deliver him." ~ Psalm 91:14

Today is the feast of St. Valentine, a third century saint who was martyred for trying to convert people to Christ.
He was willing to die, literally, if it meant that one person might come to know the mighty and all encompassing love of Christ.
In our day, the meaning of such sacrifice has been largely forgotten; replaced by boxes of chocolate and flowers, or dinner at an expensive restaurant, with nary a mention of Christ or His deep and true love for each of us.
Don't misunderstand me here: I love the flowers that my husband purchases for me on Valentines Day. They are a gift from the man who has chosen to spend his life with me and who overlooks so many of my faults.
I see Christ in him, Christ choosing to speak to me through the actions of my husband.
Yet, there is nothing in such actions of the kind of self sacrificing love exhibited by St. Valentine. Or by Christ.
While we love one another deeply, we have much to learn of true love and the freedom dying to self brings.
Lord, help me to do a better job of truly loving those whom you have given me to love. Lord, let me cling to you that you might save me.

The Jesus Question

Knarly Tree

"Then the Lord will guide you always and give you plenty even on the parched land.
He will renew your strength, and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring whose water never fails." ~ Isaiah 58:11

The Jesus question is the one that Jesus asks of all his disciples, "Who do you say that I am?"

And it is one that each of us must answer ourselves. The answer of who Jesus is to me is a question that only I can answer for myself.

I guess that is probably true of all  our relationships with others. Who a friend is to me may be different than who a friend is to another person, even though both of us may deem that person a friend. Because how we interact with our friends is a deeply personal thing.

In order to find out who Jesus is to me, I had to stop everything I was doing...all the readings and writings from others whom I consider to be wiser or better informed about Jesus. I had to sit quietly and just listen to the "small still voice within" that is Jesus to me.

Yes, Jesus is my Lord and my friend. He is the small, still quiet voice within my heart telling me what I should do in any given situation, but not demanding it of me. Just advising me that it might be a better course of action to do this rather than that. The problem I have is one that I am sure everyone also has...that of quieting the many voices in our lives to listen to the quiet voice of our Lord and Friend.

I find that I have known Him deep inside of my heart for many years..since He first called me to "come, follow me." I find that I have also ignored Him on far too many occasions. But that He still considers me to be lovable and valuable. I pray that I might become the kind of friend to Him that He has always been to me...someone whom I can count on when the "chips are down," as we say.

I will need His mercy and love to be that kind of friend to Him. In order to be at His "beck and call" I will need to be more disciplined so that I listen earnestly for His voice, so that I do not find excuses to put off what He is asking of me. I need much, my Lord and my God, my Friend.

Will You help me to become the kind of friend to You that You have always been to me? Will You help me to become one of Your most loyal and dedicated servants, one that You can call on "when the chips are down?

In answer to those questions, I was inspired to read again the Mass readings for today and the verse from Isaiah above spoke to my heart...the Lord spoke to me through His living Word, written for our edification that we might always find Him. So, I find that He not only speaks to me deep inside my heart, but also through His written Word, which makes sense because He is the Word. It tells me not to limit how or when I might hear him speaking to me..that I might find it in any number of ways.

What a blessing to be loved by such a generous, merciful and loving God. Thank you, Lord, for loving me and for calling me to be One with you and for forgiving me for all my failures of love, listening and life. Please help me to do better this day.

Our Lady of Lourdes

I read an interesting meditation on this special day when we honor Mary as Our Lady of Lourdes.
It was tied to today's first reading from the book of Deuteronomy where Moses urges his brethren and children to "Choose life...by loving the Lord, your God, heeding his voice and holding fast to him."
The author of the meditation, Sr. Bridget Haase, O.S.U. concludes that Mary did all three of those things: she loved God, surrendered to His voice and clung tightly to Him from His birth in a manger to His death on the cross.
Oh, my Lord and God. Please help me to love you beyond telling, listen to your voice and hold fast to you as we journey into the desert this Lent.

Finding Faith

"If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." ~ Matthew 17:20

In stepping out in faith on this Lenten journey into the desert, I ask You, my Lord and my God, to give me this tremendous gift of faith that I might move mountains.

At this point in time, I want to move the mountains of neglected work in my life.

But, I also envision myself doing great works in, with and through You for Your glory.
I realize that I have a great distance to travel to get to the point where I am able to accomplish such mighty works as I envision, but I also know it's not me who will accomplish these deeds, but You. You who can take my yielded will and do great things.

Help me, my God, to have the faith necessary to trust in You and Your plan for me and for this world. Please give me the gift of faith.

I am a nobody. I know this fact. So, I surrender my nothingness to you that I might become a useful tool with which You will accomplish Your will.

Thank you for Your wonderful generosity and mercy in granting me one more chance, in spite of all the times I have failed You.

Thank you for the gift of Your Blessed Mother who shows me the way to become a mighty saint who will accomplish much in, with and through You for Your great glory.

Thank you for the gift of the angels and saints You have allowed to accompany me into the desert.

I will not fear, wherever You may lead. Thank you for the grace to begin the journey.

Winter Beauty