Conflict

I don't know what to think about a family member who insists on pushing her views on me.

We are polar opposites. She is liberal, new feminist, pro-abortion, pro-euthanasia, a supporter of alternative lifestyles, Democratic supporter, atheist.

And we have no interests in common, except for a shared ancestry.

She insists on sending me emails in which she berates and belittles me. I have tried all approaches with her. I have presented my views and beliefs in logical and polite terms. When that doesn't work, I have  belittled her views (to my discredit) and I have ignored her emails completely, not even reading them.

She #persists, she #insists, she #resists and I am assuming she is attempting to #enlist me in her worldview.

Those are the new mantras of her idol, the beleaguered Hillary Clinton. 

For my part, while I initially tried to "convert" her to a more Christ centered worldview, I long since have decided that it's her choice. She chooses as she does willfully and in full control of all her faculties. She knows what she chooses.

I don't think of her as evil, although I do believe evil has subverted her worldview, deadening her to the Spirit life that once resided within the temple of her body.

I pray for her and pray also for myself, that I might withstand the constant barrage of emails and evil therein.

I pray for humility and patience. I have stopped myself several times from just cutting her off. I don't think I am supposed to shut her off completely. What if I am the only way she might have of reaching out to the Lord when the time comes?

I don't know if I can help her but I hesitate to shun her.

Lord, I give her to You. Bless her according to your will. Amen.

Refocus

After spending two weeks preparing for and having family here, I find that now I must refocus on my Lenten obligations and get back to a regular routine.

So, I begin again tomorrow.

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Relief and sadness

Today was the last day of our visit with our four granchildren over their spring break.

They are 11, 12, 13 and 14 and while we love them deeply and dearly, they can be a challenge at this age.

It was, quite frankly, a big relief to drop them off at their mother's cabin. My son and the mother of my grandchildren are divorced and that may have some bearing on the situation.

I feel so blessed with my children, who did not give me the kind of sass and attitude my grandchildren seem to toss out with seeming impunity.

I don't understand how they can stand there and lie about something to my face that is so obviously a lie. Do they really think I am such a fool? And when I call them out on it, I get the attitude and whining that I really do not handle well.

I am not the personality type that responds with kind, calm and rational conversations about how lying is wrong and copping an attitude when called out on it doesn't get you bonus points. 

I respond with punishment that "fits the crime," so to speak instead of calmly explaining to them that their action was wrong, lying about it compounds the problem and copping an attitude won't get you a lighter sentence.

Needless to say, there was alot of stress going on while they were here and much relief when we dropped them off.

I don't know if it is because of the divorce or because of the times that my grandchildren are so different from my children and how my children  reacted when confronted with a behavior problem. 

My children showed remorse and sorrow, not defiance. 

At any rate, I realize how much they need God in their lives and He has been neglected. 

I feel guilty for not working harder to insure that my children were properly catechized and that all have fallen away from the Church.

But, I also know that we all must find our way to the Lord and that He uses various means and paths to ever draw us closer to Him or back to Him. 

Lord, I trust You with the salvation of my children and grandchildren. I will continue to pray for them and try to be more loving and understanding of current times and the challenges these children face each day.

Please forgive me for my failures.

Amen.

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Driving day

Today I took my grandchildren out and let them drive my vehicle on rural dirt roads.

It has occurred to me that I should also be teaching them the ways of the Spirit and about things of heaven.

I will attempt to do a better job of this as I myself progress along the Spiritual Way.

Thank you Jesus, Mary and Joseph for all your blessings.

Amen

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Growing Older

As I spend time with my grandchildren I realize how much of an age difference there is; how "uncool" I really am and also how little patience I have.

I try to be more like Blessed Mother and I will continue to try to emulate her, but I just lose my cool at times when dealing with the "nothing" answers to questions. 

Ah, I am getting old and impatient with the silliness of youth.

Forgive me for this, my Lord and my God. Help me to have a truly Christ like response to my precious grandchildren and their lives.

I love you and them through you and with you and in you.

Amen

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Feast of the Annunciation

Re-consecrating myself to Mary

Today is the day the church celebrates the Annunciation of the Archangel Gabriel to the Blessed Virgin Mary, when he asks her to become the mother of the Son of God.

As Fr. Robert Barron so aptly puts it:

"The real spiritual life is about allowing oneself to be overwhelmed by the one who loves us. Mary is someone who is ready for the impossible, and this makes her the paradigm of discipleship. "Let it be done to me according to thy word." That's an acquiescence to adventure."

What a great thought to ponder on this day, which is also my day of re-consecration to the Blessed Virgin Mary. 

I pray that someday I might say with the same enthusiasm "Let it be done to me according to thy word."

I begin and then I balk, thinking that I might be asked for something beyond me. 

So, I also pray that I might be granted the trust in God's will that Mary has. Amen.

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Photo day

Here is a photo I took a few days ago, showing the beautiful valley You have given to me as my place of abode.

Thank you so much for such a wonderful gift.

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In His Presence

Sitting in Your most holy and wonderful Presence, I got momentarily distracted by the concerns of the world.

Please accept my apologies and forgive me once again for offending you.

I ask You my God, "What do You want of me? How may I serve You to the best of my ability and for the good of Your Kingdom?"

The first "words" I heard in my heart was "Persevere." And then, recalling recent talks and readings, as well as a meditation on the Luminous mysteries of the rosary, I heard, "Listen to me. Be present when you are in My Presence."

When listening, I heard once again, "Do not fear." I  say once again because those are the most frequent words I hear from You and wonder if I am so craven that I must be reminded daily. If not, rhen I wonder what fearful thing is about to transpire. 

Oh, my Jesus snd Blessed Mother. How you must laugh to see my pitiful striving.

I will endeavor to not be fearful and to perservere.

I love you my God.

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Emulating Mary

Oh my Lord and my God. I pray that I have never offended You, yet I know that I have many times and in many different ways.

I apologize to You for such offenses and humbly seek forgiveness.

Whether it is closing off my mind to some new revelation You wish to share with me or speaking harshly to those whom I purport to love or wasting time on tv shows or the internet or gossiping, I know that such offenses are the result of my pride and temporary rejection of what You have promised to me.

In praying the rosary today, I was pondering the Descent of the Holy Spirit and a meditation by St. Louis De Montfort who said that when a person's heart is in love with Mary, the Spirit's Spouse, He flies to the heart and abundantly gives His gifts to that person.

How I wish to be filled with love for Mary that I might also be filled with Your Holy Spirit.

Lord, help me to love and emulate Mary who did not offend You by her actions so that I might also be filled with You. Amen.

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God's Beauty

Such beauty. Thank you!

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The Feast of St. Joseph

"He (St. Joseph) was willing to cooperate with the divine plan, though he in no way knew its contours or deepest purposes. Like Mary at the annunciation, he trusted and let himself be led."~ Fr. Robert Barron, Lenten Gospel Reflections

The Solemnity of St. Joseph is one of my favorite celebrations in honor of the saints.

I think about him often and give thanks to God for selecting such a wonderful foster father for Jesus. St. Joseph's care of the Holy Family is truly to be admired and emulated. 

There are some who think St. Joseph was filled with grace from his mother's womb, and that he was a young man when he wed Mary and therefore a virgin himself.

Others subscribe to the theory that he was older and a widower at the time of his marriage to Mary.

I tend to think of him as younger. It just makes more sense to me. 

There are also those who posit that he was taken body and soul into heaven after Jesus was crucified, citing the Gospel reading where the temple curtain is torn in two and souls of the dead are released from Gehenna, appearing to many in Jerusalem. Could Joseph have been one of these? Would he have appeared to Mary? What a fun thing to contemplate.

Those who argue thusly do so, because similar to the physical remains of Mary...there are no relics of St. Joseph and no one claims St. Joseph's tomb.

To Jesus, the commandment to "honor your father and mother" must surely mean something special for the man who taught Jesus to be a man. 

It does give one pause for thought, however, because St. Joseph died in Old Testament times and therefore must have been waiting for Jesus to "descend into hell," to receive the souls of the righteous, before ascending with them into heaven.

Because we don't know how long St. Joseph was dead before Jesus death and resurrection, we don't know if his body was preserved from decay or even if he was taken body and soul into heaven. 

Some heavy pondering and study is warranted, I think.

Thank you, my Lord and God, for the gift of St. Joseph. Amen

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Entrustment

I am at the stage of Entrustment to Mary, the Mother of Christ and by His gift ftom the cross, my mother as well as the mother of us all.

How I long to be the child she needs and wants at this time, this critical time. 

Even though she is Queen of Heaven and Earth, I have heard it said that she is more mother than queen, understanding our childish ways and guiding us always to her Son.

Thank you, Jesus, for the gift of your Mother. Help me to totally entrust myself to her as You did. Amen.

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New Perspective

I had a bad moment today when I realized that something relating to a social media post might have caused anger or pain or in some way deeply hurt someone I care about.

All I could do,  in my angst, was to fall on my knees, beg God's forgiveness and offer Mass for him and for any others who might have also been affected by this activity of mine.

How different my reaction was from a few months ago when I used posts deliberately to hurt and mock people who disagreed with my views on politics or religion.

"Pray with great confidence, with confidence based on the goodness and infinite generosity of God and upon the promises of Jesus Christ. God is a spring of living water which flows unceasingly into the hearts of those who pray."
— St. Louis De Montfort

I hope that my prayers have been efficacious for those whom I have hurt or angered. I offer my prayers for all of them and ask that God's mercy, love and forgiveness continue to be poured into my heart. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

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Photo Day

I captured this photo of a creek.

Thanks for the opportunity. 

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Thoughts on Suffering

Oh, Sweet Jesus and Blessed Mother! I thank you for your many blessings, Lord and for your motherly love and intercession, Blessed Mother.

It is so hard to watch the pain our children undergo. Because you suffered along with your beloved Son, Blessed Mother, and showed me how to love my children by also suffering along with them, I thank you.

I know that sometimes their pain and suffering is meant to bring them closer to you. I pray that they will recognize that You, dear Lord, are the Way, the Truth and the Life and turn back to you.

I also know that the minimal suffering that myself and my children undergo is nothing compared to your suffering or the suffering of your other children.

Yet, this is where you have placed us and what you have given to us to endure and work through.

So I pray that I might have the wisdom of Solomon in speaking to my children of Your love, knowing which words will speak to their hearts. I pray also for the power of the Holy Spirit to be in my words that I may speak mightily to the needs of their hearts.

I do pray for the gift of working miracles in their lives as needed, so that we may rejoice in Your love.

I pray also for the tenderness of a mother that is often needed to console their breaking hearts.

I pray for the salvation of their souls and trust, dear Lord, that you do hear my prayers and that you will do whatever is best for each of the beautiful children and grandchildren with whom you have blessed me.

It is so wonderful that out of suffering can come so much beauty and love. A paradox.

Similar to the paradox that in dying an agonizing death on the cross, You brought about the way to eternal life.

Ah, Lord. I thank you for I do feel your hand guiding me along the way you would have me go.

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A Lesson in Humility

Last night, after reading my meditation for the day on Marian consecration,  I decided to watch tv and my choice of a program left me feeling depleted and just icky.

It is a drama about computer hacking and it was filled with drugs, profanity, sex, including homosexual acts and just criminality in general.

I don't normally watch such garbage and I was reminded why today. It is humbling to see how easy it is to be drawn into such a sinful lifestyle of accepting this type of television programming as normal. 

The thing is that it seemed like a very compelling drama at the time and I watched multiple episodes. The first episide started off much milder in content than the last episode I watched. It just kept getting incrementally worse and it wasn't until I realized how horrible it was to subject Blessed Mother to such content that I was able to turn it off.

It filled my heart, mind, body and soul with unacceptable toxic waste and deprived me of grace. Forgive me, my Lord, for subjecting You and Mary to such sin.

So, this morning, my daily meditation verse included this quote and it really spoke to my sickened heart:

"But when you keep night vigils, pray, read, and sing psalms and hymns in honor of God and His saints, or when you fast and abstain from wrong-doing, assist your neighbor, lament, mourn, and weep over your sins, confessing them and asking for forgiveness, then you perform works of the Holy Spirit". 

~ Thomas a Kempis, p. 91 

An excerpt from Bountiful Goodness.

And also this one:

"No one, however weak, is denied a share in the victory of the cross. No one is beyond the help of the prayer of Christ."

— St. Leo the Great

So, God is answering the questions of my heart, mind, body and soul with the inspired words of others.

He also included practical advice on how to surrender completely everything to Him.

This inspiration came from Dynamic Catholic and was on offering to God every hour my work of the hour and offering it on behalf of an intention of my heart.

So, on one hand, I discovered how easy it is to fall into the pornographic culture ravishing our country and our families. It's as easy as watching one slightly off color tv show that progressively gets worse and worse. 

I was given the words of Thomas ^A Kempis and St. Pope Leo III as medicine to offset the sickness I felt after watching this show. 

And I have also been given the way to total surrender..a beginning.

All I have to do is enact the advice God has given me.

Thank you, my Lord for your kindness and understanding and forgiveness. 

Please help me to become who you want me to be.

Amen

 

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Clarity

Today is the day when my prayer partner of 20 plus years and I spend time in worship, prayer and conversation with the Lord.

We meet at the church and spend time before Our Lord in the tabernacle, His Real Presence in our lives and in our hearts.

It is always very peaceful and so often are our prayers answered during this time of love and worship.

For a brief period of time, our concerns are put aside, or surrendered, and He reveals himself to us in marvelous and many ways. The clarity of His love for us and for the concerns of our heart is so crystal clear. Upon leaving His Presence, our lives are once again obscured with the sufferings and difficulties, shallowness and vanity of ourselves.

But, having experienced the clarity in our weekly prayer session, sometimes that Real Clarity peeks through and enlightens our lives and worldly concerns.

Thank you, my Lord and Savior for the wonderful Oneness we experience with you.

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Photo Day

Who doesn't love pictures of horses?

Lord, my gift today is only that.

I did fast and try to do your will.  

Three ways I encountered you in the ordinary were your change of my plans, listening to stories about your life on Formed.org and in the gift of my family. 

Thank you for those gifts.

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The Thirst for love

From today's reading from 33 days to Morning Glory, by Fr. Michael Gaitley:

"Now, how do we console Jesus in the members of His body? By recognizing their thirst...Everyone has a restless heart for God, for man is a restless thirst."

And he says that Mother Theresa, in response to the Offertory verse (Ps 68:21) for the Mass of the Feast of the Sacred Heart, tells us to Be the one:

"My heart had expected reproach and misery. And I looked for one that would grieve together with me, and there was none: and I sought one that would console me, and I found none."

Be the one to console Jesus by satiating his burning thirst for love, with Mary's help because she was the one to console His heart as He died upon the cross for me.

Oh, my Lord. Please help me to Be the One, with Blessed Mother's help that satiates your thirst. Amen.

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Backwards again

For the gazillionth time in my life as a Christian, I have taken another step backwards.

This is particularly disconcerting as I work through Fr Michael Gaitley's 33 Days to Morning Glory, a do-it-yourself 33 day retreat to Marian consecration.

Each week has been spent touching upon the lifes of extraordinary Marian Saints: Louis de Montfort, Maximilian Kolbe, Mother Theresa and Pope John Paul II. I just finished the meditations and prayers on Mother Theresa. Tomorrow I will begin the week's review of Pope John Paul II.

Mother Theresa was someone who truly embodied who I want to be and how I want to love Jesus. But, I don't seem to be able to emulate her total giving of herself.

I keep falling backwards and repeating the time wasting, self destructive habits that keep me from entering into a deeper and more beautiful communion with my Lord.

Ah, Blessed Mother. Please forgive me for my disobedience and failure to come to you totally. Please help me to surrender totally to you so that I might totally surrender to your Son.

Lord, please grant to me whatever grace I need to use the graces You have already given to me. I want to be totally yours.

I love You. I believe in You. I trust in You.

I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

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Time with Christ

Today I managed to just spend time with Jesus in the Eucharist. All alone with the God of the universe.

What an incredible honor.

It was awesome and I just need to trust in Jesus and the love He has for me. 

I continue to make up and down progress with the Lord. Doing well in some aspects of my Lenten journey and the falling back into old and bad habits after each forward step.

Ah, Lord. I am amazed that you do love me, but I accept your love and hope to love you in return.

Thank you for your love of me and all my loved ones. Thank you for all your gifts. Help me to continue to make spiritual progress.

Amen.

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Reflections

Today I was able to stop by the church and spend some quiet time in the Real Presence of the Lord.

I began writing in my journal and then heard Him asking me to review a previous entry. It was from a year ago...almost to the day...and it contained almost verbatim the same words I had intended to write today.

Wow. I don't know if I am not progressing on my spiritual journey or if He wanted to reassure me with His response to my concerns? Remind me of who I am, who He wants me to be and to continue the work He has in mind.

Then, Fr.'s homily seemed to answer the questions of my heart. The reason I fail is because I have not surrendered totally to God. 

I think that is a correct assessment, even though it probably was not directed towards me personally..or perhaps it was. Perhaps it was the answer from God via Fr to me about why I am failing to do His will..or what I perceive it to be.

Oh yikes. Please help me to surrender totally, my Lord and my God. Please bless me with the grace of total surrender and dependence on you so that I might be who You want me to be.

I ask this in Jesus name. Amen.

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Progress

Today's fast went much better. I began the day with prayer and was able to fast from both food and the internet all day.

I also spent the day listening to audio presentations on various aspects of Jesus life.

It helped me in fasting and prayer to re-read about some of Mary's apparitions to the world, especially Medjugorje. 

Although those apparitions have not yet been approved by the Church, it was in attending a Marian conference that my spiritual journey began to deepen and grow.

Some of the experiences of that first conference have become a part of my life, but sadly I have let other aspects lapse. I need to return to a watchful anticipation mode and do what Our Lady asks of any who would be Christ's disciples.

I give you thanks and praise, my Lord and my God and also Blessed Mother, for when I cried out for help, you gave it. I am not where I want to be yet, but I think I am headed in the right direction. 

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Changing my focus

In my spiritual readings this morning, I realize that I am far too focused on myself and not on My Lord, with whom I walk into the desert of fasting and self denial.

Lord, you are the focus, not myself and as I look towards you and listen to your voice, the darkness of fear and discouragement begins to fade.

Please be with me this day as I once again take up my cross and follow you into the desert.

I understand now that the food and internet addictions are a sign of my hunger for You.

Those things are not satisfying, so I must continue to consume them, always in an effort to gain fulfillment.

Instead, I consume empty calories and waste the precious time you have given me. 

I ask your forgiveness and grace to do better tomorrow.

I pray in Jesus name. Amen.

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Failure

Extreme failure. That is what I have experienced this day in regards to my desires to overcome addictions of internet use and food addiction, specifically sweets.

This is supposed to be a time of privation and self-denial, yet I have succumbed to every passing whim of internet usage and sugar intake.

What is going on with me, my Lord? Blessed Mother please help me to know what my problem is. Oh, and there is television addiction as well, especially with old re-runs of shows I have seen many times.

And, I haven't even started cleaning out the clutter from my life.

What is going on with me? Is this some type of diabolical attack?

Lord, save me.

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Temptation

The Gospel reading for the first Sunday of Lent deals with the 40 day fast of Jesus in the desert.

Afterwards, he was hungry. Very hungry, I presume.

I have so much trouble with a daily fast and the discipline necessary to accomplish it. I can't imagine the strength of will needed to fast for 40 days.

And to be able to tell the devil no when he started whispering in my brain about how good it would be to turn stone into food.

Lord, please give the grace to know and love you with all my heart, mind, body and soul and to let how I live my life reflect that.

On Jesus name. I pray. Amen

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Addictions

I spend alot of my time reading political blogs and websites. It seems to have become something of an addiction for me.

I spent almost all day poring over differing versions of President Trump's accusation against the former president and his administration that they were tapping his campaign phone conversations.

It's time someone pushed back on all the accusations coming from the unhinged left and their media pawns, but I wonder if President Trump has overstepped? Although I wouldn't be one bit surprised to discover that Obama has been using intelligence agencies to spy upon the new administration.

Still, the point is that there is absolutely nothing I can accomplish by spending my time in this manner. No one cares what I think about this and I would better serve everyone in the new administration by praying for them instead of reading blogposts.

So, I will limit myself to one-half hour of political reading as part of my Lenten sacrifice.

Lord please grant me the grace to overcome my addiction and spend the tine with You instead. Thank you. 

I ask this in the name of Jesis Christ, my Lord and Redeemer. Amen

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Thoughts on fasting, March 3

"Fasting is an invitation to strip off distractions and make more room for God." 

~ From a meditation on today's Gospel reading in The Word Among Us.

It is so apparent to me that fasting is important and necessary. And something which seems to elude me.

I need to find a way to fast well for My Lord and my God.

Lord, grant to me the gift of fasting well for Your Glory.

I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

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Resisting, March 2, 2nd day of Lent 2017

One of the Lenten practices I am undertaking this Lent is the "Better than giving up Chocolate" sessions by Matthew Kelly of Dynamic Catholic.

When I first listened to yesterday's session, I wasn't sure it applied to me. I couldn't think of anything I resisted.

Then I went to Ash Wednesday services.

I felt an urge to stay after Mass and pray the Rosary. I resisted the inclination to do that.

I felt an inspiration later in the day to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy and the Rosary at 3:00.

I resisted those urges as well.

I resisted an urge to do my reading of preparation for my re-consecration to the Immaculate Heart of Mary and to do my Lenten blog post.

So, those are some of the things I resist, even though doing them makes me happy.

Lord, please help me to surrender each day to You and not resist when You want to lead me along ways that will bring me happiness and joy.

In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

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Ash Wednesday, 2017

As we begin Lent with the solemn day of abstinence and fasting required by the Church, the words of the priest today struck a chord with me.

He said that this time of purification and self denial is a gift from the church, so that we might enter more deeply into intimate communion with the Lord.

Although I have always considered Lent to be penitential, I have never given too much consideration to the purifying aspect of intense prayer and fasting.

I hope to improve my fasting skills as Lent progresses and I hope to be able to enter more fully and more deeply into full communion with the Trinity and the angels and saints.

My Lord and My God, please help me in whatever way I need help so that I might love you as truly as you love me. Amen.

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