Easter Triduum, Holy Saturday

"Have I lost the joy of the marvel of the first encounter with Jesus? Today is a day for listening."

~Pope Francis from The Hope of Lent

Before Easter Vigil Services 

Indeed as I reflect on my life, except for moments here and there, I have lost the joy of my marvelous first encounter with Jesus. I do want to experience it in its fullness this Easter. I want to meet "the Bridegroom of my soul" again this Holy night.

After Easter Vigil Services

I thank you and praise You, my God and King, Bridegroom of my soul for granting to me such stupendous gifts this night.

I wrote the meditation verse earlier on this day, before I had gone to Easter vigil services on this night. Before you granted to me once again the joy I have been missing. 

It was such an affirmation because everything I have thought before was once again proven true. 

It is so incredible to be of one heart and mind with others of this wonderful faith community you have blessed here in our valley.

I know now that when the time comes for the light of Christ to be exalted and adored during the days of darkness that there will be the Bridegroom of my heart to help me and be with me.

Thank you, sweet Jesus, for your life, your love and your peace. They are the most precious gifts You have shared with me and I am awestruck by Your love.

Amen. Hallelujah, hallelujah!

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Easter Triduum; Good Friday

Good morning, my Lord!

I know You are currently being held, awaiting the moment and hour when the Jewish Sanhedrin will confirm the death sentence upon You that they determined was the sentence for Your "crime."

Even though they held Your trial during the night, illegally according to some, the Sanhedrin must pronounce the sentence during the daylight hours. 

Galling to them, they must also get approval from the Roman Procounsel to carry out the sentence and it is because of this that You will be crucified, the Roman method for executing criminals.

Last night, while I held vigil with You, I asked what You wanted from me. I have given You, through my Consecration to You through Your Blessed Mother, my life and yet I have not yet given to You what Your most Sacred and Holy Heart desires most..my time.

Admittedly and with sorrow for my selfishness, I had already asked You for the desires of my heart. Forgive me for always being so selfish. 

I resolve to do better this day and on future days with whatever time remains to me. I give You not only my life but my time.

I know I haven't always done well with my obsessive desires for viewing old tv shows and movies and more recently with news blogs. None of those are more important to me and I firmly resolve, with Your assistance, to give my time and attention to You instead. 

I ask Blessed Mother for her help in this matter as well. As we stand with You at the foot of the cross where You poured out Your life for me, I resolve to do better this day. One day at a time.

I don't want to stand before Your Resurrected holy Person and have You tell me that I preferred those things to You.

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Easter Triduum; Maundy Thursday

"The time I have on the rocky edge runs thin. I'll have to descend soon enough, but for a moment I feel the grandeur of creation and my smallness in it. For a moment I have no worries, only the sense of God's abiding grace in the world. It is that sense to which all penance points—a clearing away, an opening to the light all around. It is the way of humility, the poverty of spirit, which lets us see it."

~from Learning to live Poorer, a meditation for Lent by Ragan Sutterfield

The joy of this evening's festivities and the great gifts offered to humanity: the priesthood, the Mass and the Eucharist,  will be overshadowed soon by the betrayal of the our Lord.

I will spend an hour with Him in the Garden this night.

Lord, please speak to my heart tonight.

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Spy Wednesday

I had never heard of the Wednesday of Holy Week being referred to as Spy Wednesday until this year.

So called because this is the day Judas Iscariot makes the deal with temple authorities to turn Jesus over to them at the first possible opportunity. 

In the book The Day Christ Died by Jim Bishop, Mr. Bishop's research indicates that the temple powers that be wanted the arrest and trial of Jesus done quickly and more importantly, quietly. They did not want to provoke the followers of Jesus to riot and thereby risk the wrath of Pontias Pilate and Rome.

Until it was too late, Judas Iscariot did not realize he was a pawn in a power move between the Jewish leaders and Roman authorities. When he finally glimpsed the truth, he despaired so deeply that he took his own life, driven mad by the knowledge that he had turned over a kind and gentle man.

Bishop implies that if Judas believed in Jesus as the Messiah he might have asked~and been granted~forgiveness for his betrayal. 

Lord, please grant to me the sure knowledge of your Divine nature that I might not betray you.

Forgive me when I do, not intentionally, but because of fear and weakness.

I love you. Increase my love and devotion. 

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Anticipation

During my Rosary today, it occurred to be how excited I am about the upcoming week, culminating in it's celebration of the Resurrection.

Jesus, on the other hand, in His holy anticipation of the upcoming events was in such agony that He sweat blood. 

Oh, my Lord! I am truly sorry for having offended You. I pray that I might try to please You by my actions in this present moment and that everything I do somehow grants You the honor you are due.

I do not yet have a true idea of the agony You endured for me. 

I know only that I love You for loving and forgiving me.

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Monday of Holy Week

According to tradition, today is the day Jesus was so righteously angered that He overthrew the money changers tables.

This move so threatened the powers that be in the Temple hierarchy that it confirmed their decision to put Him to death.

Lord, forgive us, for we know not what we do.

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Consecration

"I entrust myself to you because you do not disappoint; I do not understand, but even without understanding, I entrust myself to your hands."

~Pope Francis from The Hope of Lent

Today is the fifth anniversary of my Consecration to Jesus through Mary. 

I hope I am making progress in my journey to what I hope is sainthood. Sometimes it feels like it is and sometimes it doesn't as I continue to struggle with the same things over and over.

But throughout the journey, Blessed Mother is with me and her gentle guiding is getting me there, although the route is circuitous..mostly due to my own intransigence. 

Thank you, my Lord for providing me with such a wonderful way to get closer to union with you...the heart of Your mother.

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Mission

A meditation on St. Catherine of Sienna today states...

"Out of her periods of contemplation, she reached out in spiritual letters to 

Enlighten and instruct others."

"Catherine understood well the realities of the world, but used her spirituality, intelligence and skills as a writer and reconciler to assist the church in her time."

This comes in answer to my question: "What is my mission, Lord?"

It seems quite hubristic to me to think I can enlighten and or instruct anyone about anything but then I am reminded that it won't be me but the Holy Spirit in me who is doing both.

I felt something at Mass tonight..a quickening of my heart as we heard the Passion of our Lord. Just faintly, a hint of something so much larger than myself. 

Rightly I should be concerned with You, my Lord and Your Passion. It was more real to me than it has been in the past, but I was still focused on the strange feeling in my heart.

Blessed Mother, please take me heart and give me yours that I might live your Son's Passion as you did.

The other thing which was interesting to me, given my predeliction for being consumed by the news is the following, which was also one of my meditations:

"Use today's news headlines as a springboard for meditation."

Lord, I love you. Help me to love you more.

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Joy of loving God

"Keep the joy of loving God in your heart and share this joy with all you meet, especially your family. Be holy."

— St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta 

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Laziness or sloth

Today on an EWTN radio program, the caller asked the question about laziness...not being disciplined enough to follow through on many things. 

Something Fr said hit a cord with me...even though I have known this.

He said we must overcome laziness because it is the work of the devil and also we will be asked to answer for every moment of our lives.

So, I begin again to try to discipline myself to overcome my sloth and I ask you Lord for forgiveness for my failures to do what you ask of me. I will work on myself again tomorrow. 

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What is your mission?

The question is put to me: "What is your mission?"

The answer eludes me but these are the

readings that seemed to speak to my heart today:

"God is love and in himself he lives a mystery of personal loving communion. Creating the human race in his own image . . . God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the vocation, and thus the capacity and responsibility, of love and communion. . . . Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being." ~CCC 2331, 2392

"The explosion of passion and purpose takes place when unique abilities and needs meet." 

~ from Focus in Best Lent Ever, March 21, 2018

"When will the happy time come when the divine Mary will be established Mistress and Queen of all hearts, in order that she may subject them fully to the empire of her great and holy Jesus? When will souls breathe Mary as the body breathes air? When that time comes, wonderful things will happen in those lowly places where the Holy Ghost, finding His dear spouse, as it were, reproduced, in all souls, shall come in with abundance, and fill them to overflowing with His gifts, and particularly with the gift of wisdom, to work miracles of grace."

— St. Louis de Montfort, p.118-19

Do they somehow tie together and answer the elusive question of mission? Is mission the same as vocation?

Lord, grant me the wisdom to know my mission today. Teach me your ways, Oh Lord.

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I am Yours

Lord, I am Yours, and I must belong to no one but You. My soul is Yours, and must live only by You.

~St. Francis de Sales~ 

Lord, please help me. I don't know why I do nothing, am able to accomplish nothing. 

I give myself to You, through Mary. 

Please help me.

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The Strength of Faith

"All those who have the strength of faith are stronger. Faith makes you live according to what is good and then the light of God's love always comes at the desired moment. That is the strength which sustains in pain and suffering. My children, pray for the strength of faith, trust in the Heavenly Father, and do not be afraid."

Our Lady to Mirjana Dragicevic-Soldo; March 18, 2018 annual apparition

All I can say is Amen!

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Dying to self

"The cross teaches us that we, like Jesus, give as much to others in our passivities as in our activities. When we are no longer in charge, when we are beaten down by whatever—humiliated, suffering, and unable even to make ourselves understood by our loved ones—then we are undergoing our own passion and, like Jesus in his passion, have in that the opportunity to give our love and ourselves to others in a very deep way."

—from The Passion and the Cross by Ronald Rolheiser, OMI

Oh my Lord! Please help me to love with the kind of love you have for each one of us.

Please let me rejoice in the plan you have for me and in the plans you have for the lives of others. Even when those plans conflict with my plans...especially when those plans conflict with my plans.

Please help me to die to self today and to live each day in the present moment.

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The Painted Tree

My Lord, all I have to offer you this day is a painting I spent my time on.

I love you. Please forgive me for everything I didn't do today; for the prayers I didn't pray; for the chores I didn't do.

My skills are minimal as an artist, yet I offer it with love for You and for Blessed Mother, whom I have neglected badly this Lent.

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Do not be afraid

So often I hear in the depths of my heart, "Do not be afraid." 

I often wonder, my Lord, of what am I afraid? And why do You tell me so often to NOT be? Am I so cowardly, so craven that I must hear it often?

Or, is it because I have no idea what is to come and it's Your way, Your gentle way of reminding me that, in essence, "You've got this?"

A reminder that whatever comes, I am merely to trust in you?

That is such a relief, but at the same time it also brings up the question..."What am I getting myself into?" 

Then, I hear You gently chide me, "It doesn't matter, my child, for I am with you wherever you may go and whatever you may 'get yourself into.' That is why I constantly remind you to not fear. I am there beside you and I can handle whatever comes OUR way. Oh my sweet one. Be at peace knowing you are Mine and knowing that I love you mightily."

Oh, my Lord. Thank you for loving me, thank you for forgiving me, thank you for dying for me and thank you for rising from the dead for me.

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Giving of oneself

"He is able to give himself over without resentment to the demands of a love which will take his whole life. After his prayer in Gethsemane, he is able to do what he needs to do without the feeling that he is a victim. The Lord is victimized, but never a victim." 

~ Ronald Rolheiser, from a meditation for Lent: Carry the Cross of Jesus; posted on The American Catholic Blog 3/15/2018

Only after praying is Jesus able to give himself over freely and without resentment.

Lord, please grant to me the gift to give of myself without resentment and with much love. 

 

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Recognition

Tonight during our religious education class discussion one of the participants said that we often only do the minimum...

Just enough to get by...

In that comment, I recognized myself.

I so often do only what is easy...the minimum.

Where might I be if I fully surrendered? If I did everything good and worthy of You, my Lord.

Please change me so that I want to do my absolute best for You. So that I do my absolute best for you.

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Photo day

We went out hiking this afternoon. Here's a photo I took.

Thank you, my Lord for the gifts of this day.

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What an Honor

How you have honored me, my Lord and mt God.

Those are the words you gave me today as I prepared for the Communion Service.

Before I had been thinking about how my friend was pulling me along in her wake as she discovered her ministry in taking Communion to the homebound. 

But as I was praying before the service, it dawned on me that You are bestowing such an Honor on me by including me in the mission to take You to the homebound. 

Oh, please forgive me for thinking it a burden, if only briefly.

What an incredible Honor you are granting to me. I need to pursue the personal growth you are asking me of me by cherishing each time I take You with me.

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Sunday Joy

Thank you my Lord and God for this beautiful day.

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The Joy of Confession

"If we dedicate more time to prayer, our hearts will reveal the lies with which we deceive ourselves, and we will find true consolation in God." ~ Pope Francis

It was with great joy that I received cleansing today in the sacrament of confession. A powerful healing and a much needed re-boot at this midway point of Lent.

Fr.   told me to continue to seek the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit with my special gift from God. It didn't dawn on me until later....sheesh will I ever "get it"...that he was referring to the gift granted me at Christmas..that of "heart to heart" conversations with those I love. 

Such a stupendous gift that I somehow forget in the light of day, so to speak. 

Thank you, my Lord and my God for Your continuing love and mercy. Thank you for your many blessings on this desert journey.

I love you. 

"In tribulation immediately draw near to God with confidence, and you will receive strength, enlightenment, and instruction."
— St. John of the Cross

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Stripped bare

"Like the disciples, we need to strip ourselves of all that gives us a false sense of security and leaves us feeling like we can control our own lives. We need to leave behind the notion that we are in charge and that we can trust in ourselves, and instead trust solely in God. 

As strange as it sounds, what we need most is to seek insecurity. That's the way Jesus went on his journey. That's the way the great saints lived. And that's the path we must follow as well. It is only when we have nothing to lean on ourselves that we will be forced to lean on God in a way that we never knew we could. That's what Jesus wants." ~ Lenten Meditation by  Br Casey Cole, OFM 

Asking what Jesus wants of me has given me the above answer. He wants to send me out with nothing so that I might learn reliance on Him, rather than myself.

Lord, please grant me the grace to desire what You want for me. Amen

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Empty Me

"We have so much in our lives that we feel we need to defend. If we have nothing to defend, we have room to discover the providence and the peace that relying on God alone brings to our lives." ~ Meditation on the life of St. Francis, from the Franciscan friars

Empty me, my Lord. Help me to renounce all that keeps me from knowing and loving you on a more intimate level. 

I don't know who I am meant to be. Please help me to know who you want me to be.

Amen

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Daily intimate contact

"Never give up this daily intimate contact with Jesus as the real living person--not just the idea. How can we last even one day without hearing Jesus say "I love you" --impossible. Our soul needs that as much as the body needs to breathe air. If not, prayer is dead -- meditation only thinking. Jesus wants you each to hear him--speaking in the silence of your heart."

~Mother Theresa from a letter to her Missionaries of Charity 

Oh my sweet Jesus. Please let me hear you daily. Please tell me who I am to you, who you want me to be. Please let me eliminate the clutter from my heart and life that I might worship you truly and love you deeply.

Amen

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Good quotes

"There is no cross to bear that Christ has not already borne for us, and does not now bear with us." ~ St.Pope JPII

"Jesus, give me a drink that will quench my thirst forever.

Jesus, change my life.

Jesus, fill me with joy.

Amen." ~ Pope Francis from The Hope of Lent

Just a couple of quotes that spoke to my heart today, my Lord and give me food for thought.

Please bless my dad with healing. Thank you.

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The Most Marvelous Journey

"They would...begin the course of the most marvelous spiritual movement in the history of man." 

~ Jim Bishop, The Day Christ Died, 12 Midnight

It is the eleven apostles, standing on the edge of time between the two testaments, who are about to embark upon the journey that will change the history of mankind. 

They do not know it, of course, even though Jesus has tried to prepare them for it. On the eve of His passion these somewhat naive disciples are only hoping for an end to Roman rule, perhaps a fairer shake from Temple authorities, and a good night's sleep.

They have no clear inkling what the command to "love one another" will entail, nor of the difficulties they will face nor of the rich reward that following this command will bring.

Yet, they are still determined to follow this unique order from the man, the Son of Man, whom they have been following for the past three years.

These men, chosen by our God to change the  course of human history from one of damnation to one of salvation, are ordinary men. None are remarkable, at least yet. 

But they will lead us along a different path, toward their Lord and Master, by teaching us of His love and mercy and forgiveness;

traits that were mocked then and through all the ages that will follow.

Still, their example and courage in loving will draw multitudes who will share this love with others, and in turn draw many more multitudes of simple believers who will all proclaim that Jesus is Lord. 

That is the most marvelous tale in all history. A true story that it is still ongoing in the hearts, minds and souls of all humankind.

As the "good thief" will state in a very short time from the eve of our Lord's passion I now echo the plea: "Lord, remember me when you come into your kingdom." Amen.

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Thanksgiving

I love you my Jesus. Thank you for all your blessings. 

Thank you for becoming a man so that we can be saved.

Thank you for dying for us so that we might be saved.

Thank you for personally calling me to You. Help me to stay in your love. 

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The Starburst Within

Yesterday during Adoration, when I became obedient enough to sit quietly, the Lord gave me a fantastic gift.

I was focused on the Monstrance housing Our Lord and thinking about Him when I felt the starburst shape of it in my body, specifically my heart, an intimate joining.

It was amazing and I tried to hold it and cherish it deep within my heart.

Of course, such clear moments of divine intimacy are fleeting but it was a wonderful moment for me.  Just for that moment, I could feel myself radiating Christ's love outward from the Monstrance within to all with whom I would come into contact.

I pray that I will be able to live that out as I go forward on my Lenten journey with my Lord. 

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Silence

"Silence can heal many wounds and show us possibilities undreamed of before--if we let it." ~ Sister Catherine Wybourne

This is a tweet I read today but it's also the message I got during Adoration today.

I was talking up a storm..while in prayer...and the Lord told me to shush and just sit quietly, absorbing His love and mercy.

Thank you Lord, for the gift of silence before you. Help me to cultivate it and spend more time quietly in your Presence.

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Distortions

How distorted the concept of love has become in recent years.

I really dislike that when reading about past concepts of love and devotion my thoughts are tarnished by cynicism due to the constant promotion by our culture of the sins of the flesh: homosexuality, rape, adultery. 

I know these sins have always been a part of our fallen human nature, but I dislike that when reading something that is perfectly innocent from past ages, my first thoughts are cynical and cause even a whiff of doubt  about the goodness of saints to enter my mind.

Yet, Christ died for us. For all of us.

He died for the sinners turned saints; the fallen whom He has redeemed by His most precious body, blood, soul and divinity.

"He does not come down from Heaven each day to stay in the gold ciborium. He comes down to find another Heaven He cherishes infinitely more than the first, the Heaven of our souls, made in His image, living temples of the Most Blessed Trinity!"

— St. Therese of Lisieux, p. 31 Meditations of the Little Flower

Thank you, Jesus, for wanting to live in my soul, for helping me to cleanse it of anything unpleasant to You.

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