I cannot believe it has been so long since I have posted anything. I guess I have been in a slump and feel guilty about not doing what I say I am going to do. I wish I could just let go of certain things and do what I think would please you, my lord. I am so unworthy of your love and forgiveness, yet you continually give it to me in abundant measure. How I love you. Help me to love you even more and to do what I know will please you--giving up certain things that displease you and doing more of what will please you. Please forgive me once again for my faults and failures.
When my son was home we took advantage of the nice weather and did an early float trip down the river. It was so good having him with us after he has been in Iraq. I have been so blessed in all my children and grandchildren. Thank you Lord, for the many blessings you continually pour out upon me. You are wonderful to me.
I need your help with a couple of matters that are disturbing me. One involves co-workers. When I walked into work yesterday one of them was cackling at something the other worker had said and for some reason I knew it was about me. I try not to be paranoid about this but they were definitely making me the brunt of this matter. So I just went about my business but later in the day the coworker who had said something to the other coworker to make her cackle said something very snidely to me and it has bothered me ever since. About a broken part, he said "Why don't you just heal it?" And it was meant to hurt me and it was so cynical that I was deeply hurt. I regard my coworkers as friends, especially this one as we have known one another for a very long time and have been friends outside of work for many years. Anyway, I knew at that moment that something similar was what they had been laughing about when I entered the building earlier in the day. It is very hurtful and I don't know how to respond to things such as this. Please guide me, my Lord and King.
Sweet child--
If he scoffs so at you for your daily behavior, can you imagine the scoffing he would give were he to happen upon our blog? I know you do not flaunt your beliefs to warrant such actions from him, but really--can you imagine his reaction to my speaking to your heart? Would you defend me, my child? I long for your love of me to be outspoken to people such as this. You fear to speak out because you think they will label you and laugh at you. Why do you fear this? They already laugh at you and it is for just living out my Word--trying to live according to the Gospel message. So, if you told them God speaks to your heart, what would happen? More laughter and more mockery? This is part of being a follower of mine. You are mocked and scorned and the more they know of our relationship--our personal relationship--the more they will mock and scorn. It is not something you need to fear. You handled it as well as you were capable of given the circumstances. And I forgive you for wanting him struck down for hurting you. Moments such as those are the moments I want you to stop what you are doing and pray for them. When those you care about hurt you, that is when you need to love them even more and pray for blessings to be showered upon them.
The other matter bothering you--your special friend not being here during Holy Week is something I want you to give to me. It hurts you more deeply than the scoffing of your other friends for you have shared the blessings of Easter for many years. Give it to me and trust me that I will do what is best for you. You have withheld giving me concerns you have regarding this friend because when I granted your prayers and blest this friend with what was best, you felt left out and rejected. You do not trust that giving it to me will be something that pleases you. You might think it is best for you, as bad tasting medicine that cures is best for you, but you do not really believe I will give you something that is best for you and delights you. I ask you to give it to me and to trust me. Will you do this?
Lord--yes. I give the matter to you. I do trust you and ask that where I doubt, you fill me with the certainty of your love and care of me. And even if it ends up being bad tasting medicine that cures but does not delight, I trust you and love you and thank you for the giving of it.
Oh my sweet love--I do delight in you. I long to give you such gifts as will astound your heart. Holy Week and Easter will be for you and I. Often your love for your friend has come before your love for me. I want to share this Holy Week and Easter with you and no distractions or misgivings about what will happen. I will grant your heart's desire. Do you trust me?
I do trust you my Lord. Thank you so much for granting me the insight to be able to be generous with my co workers and friends in these matters. I trust in you and will try to do better at doing the things you ask of me.
