A Mother's Love

I love my daughter so much and I fear that something is terribly wrong in her life.
She doesn't seem happy. She seems empty and sad and very tired.

Perhaps I am letting my imagination run wild.

Earlier this Advent, when I was wrapping gifts, I felt a sense of finality. As if I needed to make sure this Christmas was special. Not only for my daughter, but for my sons as well and my grandchildren.
But, my daughter and her family were going to be here and the others are not.

It was one of the reasons I made a point to decorate this year, even though it was minimal compared to the decorations of others. So that I could make a statement to them that it is important to honor the Lord.

It was sad, this brooding sense of finality or loss, but I am not sure what it actually meant.

Does it mean that I am approaching my death? Or is one of my children?

When my daughter was just here with her husband and their daughter, the sense returned that there is something not right going on. Too much alcohol? My beautiful daughter seems to have lost interest in her appearance. Or is she being verbally abused so that she doesn't care about herself?
Or is there something physically wrong?

Or was it a more general sense that this might be the last time we would be celebrating Christmas with such generosity? That the times of giving gifts and Christmas festivity is drawing to a close?
Because the world is becoming darker every day.

I hope and pray that my sweet children can find their way to You, my Lord.

You are the reason for the celebration and to miss the importance of it is definitely something sad.

Perhaps I feel sad for so many people who do not recognize Your coming, neither the first time or that the time of Your second coming approaches.
Even if that means for some of us that death will take us before You return in Your Glory.

Lord, please bless my children, their spouses and their children with the sure knowledge that You, the Son of God, was born of the most pure virgin Mary. At midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold. And that that is a cause for wonder and awe.
Thank you, my God.

Advent 2014, Day 6

"Then he reached down from heaven, caught hold of me, rescued me from that flood, saved me from triumphant malice, from the enemies that held me at their mercy. Evil days, when they faced me at every turn! Yet, the Lord stood by me, and brought me out into freedom again, his great love befriended me." ~ Ps 18: 17-20

Forgive me, my Lord and my God for the lapses these past few days in regards to my posts.
Forgive me, also, for the argument yesterday in front of the Tabernacle. I am not sorry I called her out for the lies being spread, but I am sorry it took place in the church after Mass. This is a holy place and I ask your forgiveness for violating the sanctity of it.
I am wondering if the silent and only spoken in the depths of my heart, "heart to heart conversation" I had with the Bishop regarding my thoughts on our pastor have been heard by the pastor or somehow affect him and have a bearing on his low self esteem?
I have tried to discuss it fairly and without bias, but I can be a harsh judge of others faults.
Forgive me for that as well. I do pray that the Bishop, who is responsible not only for the health and well being of his priests, but also his parishes, be granted the loving discernment he needs to make the best decisions for everyone.
Ah, my Lord. I have wanted this to be a holy time, preparing for your coming. Perhaps,  it is a testing time as well? I pray that I may be given the graces necessary to pass the test.
Thank you, my God and King, for your loving care of me. Guide me through the trials of the day.
Thank you! I love you!

Advent 2014, Day 3

"Behold, the Lord will come, and all his holy ones with him;
and on that day there will be a great light." ~ Cf. Zec 14:5,7

Earlier today, I watched a beautiful sunrise, reminding me of a great light.

I'm sitting here watching the clouds roll by at a fairly healthy clip. Probably about 30 mph. Just watching and waiting.

The sagebrush in which our vehicle is parked are bending with the wind, to and fro.
I am waiting and watching.
Come,  Lord Jesus, Come and fill me with your love, wisdom and light.

Advent 2014, 1st Monday

"Oh Lord, our God, unwearied is your love for us." ~ Antiphon from Night prayers

How remarkable it is that the Lord's love for us is unwearied. I have often thought that He must indeed weary of me once again coming to him with the same old sins and faults.
I weary of myself and my lack of progress.  How can God find me loveable? Yet, he does.
It reminds me of the time a number of years ago when myself and three friends were returning from a Marian conference. It was a spiritually filling experience, but an exhausting one.
We were giddy and talking about the highlights of the event. One of the topics was how Jesus and Mary are continually working to bring us all back into the fold when my dear friend said, "Don't you think they want a day off?" In all seriousness.
We all laughed until we had tears rolling down our cheeks and our sides ached from the laughter we shared over that comment.
Of course, we all agreed that they probably did want a day off, but we were all thankful that they didn't take one yet and are still working for our salvation.
Thank you, Lord. For not being wearied by your love for me.

Advent 2014, Day 1

"To you, I lift up my soul, O my God.
In you, I have trusted; let me not be put to shame.
Nor let my enemies exult over me;
and let none who hope in you be put to shame. " Cf. Ps 25 (24):1-3

This verse is the entrance antiphon for today's Mass. It spoke to my heart because I so often feel/think that those whom I love the most, my family, so often scoff and mock me for my beliefs.
I so want my faith in God to be vindicated in a large and great manner. "Let me not be put to shame." Show them, Lord, that I am not crazy or deluded.
It's not necessarily that I doubt, although I have been going through a dark valley recently.
But, it has been so long since I have felt the sweetness that comes from communion with the Lord.
Much of this is my own fault, granted. For my prayer life has not been a fertile time when my soul should be fed and nourished. Rather, it has been a time of rote prayer and me doing all the talking and not listening to that small still voice of the Lord.
I have put barriers between myself and the Lord and I don't know how to break them down. I need God's help doing that. Or rather, I just need God to do it.
A commentary on Advent from "The Word Among Us"  states "He loves you completely. He delights in you. He enjoys giving you good things. So go ahead, and ask him for something this Advent."
I am not sure what to ask for and have been busy planning small Advent surprises for friends and acquaintances. I want them to see Him in the gifts that I give. I want to be His hands.
I want my family to recognize the Gift they have been given in Baptism and Confirmation and to start living their faith.
I want to be thinner and healthier. I want to be more organized.
I want to be holy and ultimately a saint. I want to be able to fast in a way that pleases God. I would love to have a gift of the Holy Spirit manifest itself in my life. And have the courage, humility and knowledge to use it for God's glory.
I want to speak Spanish adequately enough to talk to my Hispanic friends and acquaintances.
Those are my wants and desires. My Christmas list, if you will.
Lord, I don't know which of the above to ask for. You know the desires of my heart. Please give me the vision to recognize the gifts You choose to give me this Advent.
Because I do know that You love me, even though I sometimes don't feel it. I accept it on faith because You have told me so in Your written word and in Your sacraments.
And I thank You for whatever You choose to give me in whatever manner You think is best. I also thank You for the many blessings you have already poured out upon me. I thank you for the gift of Your Mother and for her love of me as well.

Heartbreak in the Hinterland

For some time now, I have felt deepening resentment coming from my granddaughter.

It seems to have been slowly building over time, but now it seems that she has almost totally forsaken me.
There seems to be some resentment over books I have given her as gifts that I thought she might find enlightening. There also seems to be resentment over the other gifts I give her, as if my choice of gifts is so totally uncool that I insult her by giving them.
Things seemed to worsen this spring when her paternal grandmother died unexpectedly, leaving me as her only remaining grandmother. My son-in-law also seems to resent me, or my beliefs and has negatively influenced my granddaughter's feelings for me.

It hurts in my heart. I so want them to realize that when I give the gift of having a Mass said for them or for someone they love who is deceased, it is because that is the greatest gift I can give. It is not meant to "insult" them or to foist my beliefs on them. Even though my granddaughter was raised Catholic, my son-in-law has never been "religious" and scoffs at my beliefs, although not openly, but more snidely.

My sweet daughter, on the other hand, does believe, I think, but doesn't stand up for her beliefs because to do so would shut her out from the two people she is closest to. They do seem to shut her out of some things, and it sickens me.

I don't know what to do. I feel increased pressure to try to help "save" my children and grandchildren from the horrors that are coming to this world. I know that only a strong foundation in, with and through Christ can save them, but I think that my attempts to convert them only drive them further away from Him who is "the way, the truth and the life."

What do I do, my Lord and my God?  How do I save my family?

My sweet child,
Know that I love those you love with an intensity far deeper than what you feel for them.  I, too, want them to choose life and not be taken in by the allures of evil that stalk the earth.

Your anxiousness for them is a reflection of my anxiety for them. Yet it is a choice and must be freely made. You cannot force them to choose life. You can pray for them and love them in spite of the hurts they seem to inflict upon you. After all, didn't I, your Lord and Redeemer, do as much for all of the people who laughed and mocked me on the long hike to Calvary?

Do not be afraid to love them or to suffer the pain of rejection and misunderstanding. It is a suffering that you must offer up on their behalf so that they might accept the graces being poured out upon them for their eternal salvation.

Do not fear my little one. Especially, do not fear that you will be unloved by your family members.  Love them powerfully in the inmost recesses of your heart and do not fear to be humiliated or mocked or hated. It does hurt more coming from those you love, but in that you resemble your Lord, who was mocked, hated and spat upon by those people whom He most wanted to save.

For now, speak no words except in the depths of your heart and soul. Use the gift of heart to heart communication I have bequeathed you to speak to your granddaughter's heart. Keep speaking there and know that all is well.
I love you with an everlasting love and I take your concerns upon my shoulders.  I will help you with this burden.
Be at peace, my child. I love you.

Thank you, my Lord and my God. Thank you for showing me Your Glory in the beauty of fall colors and for enabling me to get some photos of it.

Hashtag Activism

I am increasingly bothered by calls to "like this" post on Facebook or Twitter or other forms of social media as a response to evil.
Or signing petitions to "make the president or Congress" do something that the writers of the petition want them to do.
It seems like such a wasted effort, although I have been a part of the problem until very recently.
These things are not going to effect change, nor will they do anything to save souls.
It has become very apparent to me that we have now entered the final phase of the spiritual battle.  The forces of evil are marching throughout the world and we must fight with the weapons God has given us...prayer and specifically, the Rosary. Scott Hahn calls it "Beads for the Battle," and he is right.
Lord, forgive me for my past neglects of this call to action. Help me to do what you have been asking.  

I am going to call this picture "The Deluge," because that's what is happening.  It is time to enter into the Ark, the Ark of the new covenant, Mary. She will carry us safely to the Barque of Jesus, as Mark Mallet has said in some of his excellent blog posts on these days. The photo is one I took of the Lower Falls in Yellowstone National Park.

The Invasion has begun

For approximately the past month, the southern U.S. border has been porous, allowing allegedly "children of immigrants" to pass into the United States with no documentation.
This unprecedented flood of people into our country, without having to go through any of the established procedures, is an invasion, I think.
Without being hysterical, I want to posit some questions about the events to see if it makes sense.
We have always had a porous border with Mexico and folks have been able to cross into our country illegally. This time is different, however, in that the sheer volume of "children" passing into our country without proper identification is overwhelming the U.S. Border patrol.
These young people are then being dispersed throughout the country because TSA, the government agency that probes our bodies every time we fly, doesn't require anything of these "children" except a piece of paper.
If you wanted to invade a sovereign nation, one with oceans for two of its borders and a populace that is armed, what better way to do it than to essentially run over the very limited border patrol?
Homeland Security is probably in collusion with the invading force because they are responsible for then "dispersing the troops" throughout the rest of the country.
The press isn't allowed into any of the processing centers to view and/or report what is happening there.
Additionally, this is the same governmental agency that has been requisitioning ammunition in unprecedented amounts.
Is it possible that this country, so self - involved, is allowing an invasion to occur because we "can't be bothered" to stop it? The press can't be bothered to report it. The current president  can't be spared from the fundraising events, it seems. I suspect, though, that whomever is pulling his puppet strings hasn't let him into the loop.
Many of the "children" are young men whom jihadists consider to be old enough to fight and die. Are these young men being dispersed into our country as an invading force, armed when they get here by the Department of Homeland Security, which just happens to have stockpiles of ammunition?
And they are also coming into our country with diseases that we thought we had under control.
It would be one way to take down the United States, from within, because we have become so complacent about our freedoms.
Or are they truly refugees, coming here because living conditions in their own countries is so abominable?
Without a press that is free to report what it can observe, we don't know what is happening with this unprecedented influx of people into our country.
Lord, please have mercy on us. Please bless and guide us into all truth.

God's Creation

Yesterday, my husband and I went hiking and found some antler sheds. We enjoy getting out and walking around the country looking for antlers.
One of my special joys is to take photos of the wildflowers we see on our outings. I am sharing one of these today.
Thank you, Lord, for your blessings today and every day. Amen. Alleluia.
Thank you for allowing me to live in such an amazing and awesome place.

Victory

On Monday evening, I joined with the thousands of people who were praying that the black Mass scheduled to take place at Harvard University would not happen.
My sense of outrage when I first heard about this was intense. I asked others to join me in prayers to prevent the abuse of Our Lord called for in a black Mass.
I had prayed earlier in the day the Chaplet of Divine Mercy,  but also felt called to pray a rosary during the time of the scheduled abomination.
I had to park at the Presbyterian Church because the town had blocked off the street due to a water main break. I almost didn't go into the church to pray the Rosary because of the difficulty in getting to the church.
I felt strongly that I could focus better in church, though.
I wasn't sure which mysteries to pray so I prayed about that first. I had a strong sense that I should pray the Glorious Mysteries, so I did.
As I was praying, I received such a gift of joy and victory. I could feel Mary leading all the angels and saints and all of the people who had come together to stop this insulting "educational" piece. I felt like we were marching around the walls of Jericho singing songs of praise and thanksgiving.
When I went in, I wasn't sure what the world was coming to. When I came out, I knew that Christ had won the victory. It was awesome.
I found out later that the black Mass on Harvard had been canceled.
It allegedly was held at some restaurant, although the owner didn't claim to have knowledge of that happening.
Praise God for not allowing this desecration to happen as publicized. I pray that the desecration of our Lord in the Eucharist didn't happen at all.
Thank you, Mary, for leading us in this spiritual battle.
Thank you for calling me to be a spiritual warrior and for giving me the grace to do what you asked of me.
This photo is of the first wildflowers I have seen.

Heavy heart

Ah, Lord. Today my  son-in-law's mother died.
It was not something that was expected, although she had been hospitalized for a couple of weeks.
My granddaughter is heartbroken over the loss of her paternal grandmother. My son-in-law is also wounded by the loss and my daughter loved her mother- in-law as she loves me.
I was totally surprised by how fast she died.
Even though we  know that death comes to everyone, the hole it leaves in our hearts and souls when it happens is something for which there is no quick fix.
Each of us must grieve in our own way.
It is easier, I think, for those who have faith in Jesus Christ.
But, even for those who have no faith, or an undeveloped faith, the opening of heaven and the grace which poured forth upon all when Christ's death pierced the heart of heaven is a blessing for everyone.
Lord, please bless the family of my friend with comfort and consolation. Please save her soul.
Today's photo is of the first wildflowers I have seen this spring. In honor of my friend and fellow grandmother.

Easter Season Blessings

I am so blessed and happy to be sitting here in the Presence of Christ, my King and my God.
Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to come into your Presence.
I pray for all those who do not believe. I pray that because you have poured Your Grace out upon the entire world that some who don't believe may come to believe.
I think of St. Thomas, who was insistent on disbelief in Your Resurrection, how You have used that throughout the centuries to help those with doubts. Thank you for helping all of us who doubt.  I am so loved and blessed these days.
Lord, please guide me today to show Your love and Mercy to someone who needs to receive it. Help me to recognize You today in someone.
I also thank you for giving me the words to answer my atheist cousin. Please continue to inspire me with the words You want her to hear. Thank you for restraining me when I am tempted to answer her insults and bias in a similar way. Help me to speak words of wisdom and love to her words of hate and bias.
Lord, please bless my friend who wants to be in full communion with You, but is prohibited because of her civil  marriage. Please help my sons with the same thing.
Today's photo is of the Holy Tabernacle of Christ.

Divine Mercy Sunday

What a wonderful day. Not only it the second Sunday of Easter, it is also Divine Mercy Sunday.
Today also was the historic canonization of St. Pope John XXIII and St. Pope John Paul II.
Almost 1 million people attended the historic event with Pope Frances presiding and Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI in attendance.
What wonders God has wrought this day.
Thank you, Lord for all your gifts, but especially the gift of your mercy.
Today's photo is the Divine Mercy image.

Seeing Christ

An Easter meditation I read was about how no one who initially saw the Resurrected Christ recognized Him at first.
It urged readers to try to spot Christ some where in our day.
Later, I was having lunch with a friend and we were discussing the less desirable personality traits of a mutual acquaintance. It wasn't right and we both knew it, or should have known it.
Something happened during that conversation, however, that I later realized was Christ manifesting himself.
A different  mutual acquaintance came up to us during lunch and asked who we were talking about because our conversation seemed quite animated. We joked and said "why, you. Of course. " He laughed and went back to his table. Nothing seemed to "hit me" yet.
When we were leaving the restaurant, he was leaving at the same time and asked something similar to "had we finished dissecting whomever we were talking about?"
This time it did hit me. I didn't feel good about the conversation, even though I certainly can find enough reasons to "justify" myself.
I very clearly heard the Holy  Spirit speaking to my heart, telling me that the friend who commented on our conversation was Christ, letting me know that He wasn't happy with our conversation. We didn't listen to Him the first time, though, so the harsher words the second time were for me. I heard Him say this: "You should not have been speaking about one of my beloved children in such a manner. "
As I have been pondering the words that I heard clearly in my heart, I know them to be true and I am sorry for the offense I have given to our Lord. I ask for God's mercy upon my soul. Please help me to recognize You sooner, Lord, especially when I am displeasing you so that I don't continue to offend you.
I thank you for your mercy and also for answering my prayer that my son get the job that he interviewed for last week.
You are so good and you continue to pour out your blessings on me, even when I don't deserve them.
Amen. Alleluia.
This photo is of the river at Treasure Island.

Easter Joy

I am so blessed this day. I know Jesus loves me because yesterday morning I had what felt very much like a urinary tract infection.
It was agonizingly painful. I prayed, in the name of Jesus, that He would heal me. I am sure I asked Blessed Mother's help, too.
And I have been healed. Praise Jesus, God the Father and the Holy Spirit. And Mary, though whom my life is consecrated to God.
We were also very blessed to have our children here for the celebration of Christ's Resurrection.
Thank you, Lord, for saving us. I pray that you will continue to call my children home.
Thank you, Father, for all your blessings, especially the Gift of your Son.
Today's photo is of the Pascha (Easter) lily, long a symbol of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

Holy Days

I love the Easter Triduum. It begins with Holy Thursday, when Christ initiated the Eucharist. Then continues with Good Friday, when the Lord is crucified. The Easter Vigil is the re-enactment of our entire faith. From the beginning of the Law introduced by Moses to its fulfillment in Christ.
And of course, Easter Sunday, the celebration of Christ's Resurrection.
Thank you, Lord, for these Holy Days.
Thank you, also for the gift of Divine Mercy. The novena began on Good Friday and will conclude on Divine Mercy Sunday.
Praise you, Lord and thank you.
The North Platte river at Treasure Island access is today's photo.

Holy Week

I started off Holy Week thinking it would be very sacred.
Then I had an ugly argument with a friend that left me feeling icky. I emailed her an apology.
I went to Confession and received absolution for my sins, and faults and failings.
Fr. Also advised me to not give up on my friend. I had been thinking that I should just quit the friendship because I have been hurt and hurt again. He reminded me of Peter and how Jesus didn't give up on him even though he was as  hurt by Peter as I have been by my friend.
Today when I read "God Calling" today's meditation was on "God is love."
So, I called my friend and apologized. I wished her safe travels on a short journey she is taking and told her I love her.
But, I find myself still holding back as far as committing to do anything with her, afraid that she will stand me up yet again.
I found it easier to send a letter and book anonymously to another woman who had posted on Facebook a diatribe against organized religion.
Anyway, I am trying to finish Holy Week in a spirit of humble love, obedience and worship of my God. I am hoping to get better at the "tough love" stuff when it's hard to love. I must remember how much God loved me, and try to emulate Him.
Today's photo is of the crown of thorns and the spikes.

Listen to the Lord

Oh, Lord!
I am so sorry for all my sins and failings. I spent your day, Palm Sunday,  watching television and eating sweets. Please forgive me and help me to finish Holy Week in a holy manner.

I don't know why I continue to ignore the inner urges I get from the Holy Spirit to pray or to turn off the television so that I might hear your sweet voice.

Forgive me, Blessed Mother, because you have agreed to identify with all that I am and I have embarrassed and disappointed you.

Lord, what shall I do today?
How shall I live this week?

Begin by writing what I speak to your heart. You dedicated your web page to me and have in the past shared with others the heart to heart conversations we have. Do so again, beginning today.
Also, when you hear me speaking in your heart, then stop to savor the glory and joy of it.
Listen to what I am telling you. You have become so used to hearing my voice that you forget it is the voice of your Lord and God.
It is not your inner self speaking, but I AM, your God and King.

Because of my great love for you, I have forgiven you for becoming used to the small still voice that is My Holy Spirit, living and loving in your heart.
But, you must start becoming more obedient and instantly responsive to this inner voice.  How shall I use you to accomplish my will if you consider it to be a suggestion and not a royal command?
I know you have a great love and belief in me. Put this love into action. You have become a slave to the addictions you tried to give up this Lent. I don't want you to be a slave to anyone or anything. I want you to live in the freedom that is promised to those who love me.
This is something I want you to live every day, not just during Lent.
So, let's begin again today. Begin with your morning devotions. Listen to my voice the rest if today and I will guide you, moment by  moment.
I love you, my Child. I do forgive you. Come, follow me and live life to the full.
Yesterday, we had snow, again.

Perseverance

As I have failed to keep my vows, I have to hope that giving of myself in other ways may somehow make up for poor choices I have made. Undoubtedly, however, all that really makes up for my sins is the Body and Blood of Christ, sacrificed for me, that I might be made holy.
Does perseverance count if we keep persevering in the same faults and failings that cause us to fail our God?
I have so often thought it would be wonderful to be a saint, but I don't seem to have any of the qualities that make one holy.
Lord, please forgive me my faults, failings and sins and fill me with the grace I need to be who you want me to be.
Today's photo is of UW icon Pistol Pete.

Failure on all fronts

I have failed at all my Lenten sacrifices.
My own disobedience in choosing to watch television and consume sweets is of major disappointment to me.
I read where St. Augustine called such desires concupiescence. Doing what I don't want to do in spite of knowing that it is morally objectionable.
Maybe not in and of themselves, but morally objectionable for me. Because I intended to give them up and I didn't do what I vowed.
I also realized that because I have consecrated myself to Blessed Mother that I have sullied her with my miserableness and disobedience.
I must go to confession and try to break free of these ingrained addictions.
Oh, my Lord. Please forgive me and help me to be who you want me to be.
Also, please forgive me for the disrespect I have shown both you and your mother. And our Father and the Holy Spirit.
Thank you for the second, third and numerous other chances you have bestowed on me.
Today's photo is of the Holy Family. Statuary in our parish church.
I will try to finish out Holy Week in a manner worthy of You.

A short note

Today's posting is going to be short due to I've already been asleep on the couch in front of the tv.
You would think I would learn.
Apparently, I have more lessons to learn.
Today's photo is more deer.

Joys of Communion

A number of years ago, I thought I knew who was speaking to me in the depths of my heart, only it was not the Lord.
I mean, I knew that God was there and that the reason I could have these terrific "heart to heart" conversations with my friend was because of God living in my heart.
But it took me years to realize that it was actually God with whom I was speaking.
When I thought it was my friend, I was filled with an excitement that is beyond description. It seemed like such a wonderful gift that God had granted to the two of us. You would think that such a gift coming from God would also fill my heart with joy and wonder and it did.
Later, when the friendship between myself and another waned, it seemed to me that the gift of a heart to heart conversation did, too.
Yet, yesterday as I was preparing for Mass, I mentioned to the Lord that in years past, I had been filled with such joy at the thought of sharing Communion in Him with my friend. I used to try to work it out that we would receive Communion together, side by side.
It was something that would have filled me with joy. Yesterday, we did receive Communion side by side. Without any "working it out" on my part.
At the time, I didn't appreciate it because I had become lightheaded and was focused on staying upright. Yet, the Lord arranged such an event for me.
Perhaps as a reminder that such joy is possible again.
Thank you, Lord, for the gift of joy in the past and as a reminder that such joys are possible again.
Let me be ever more focused on You so that I shan't miss the opportunity to find You in my friends and the people of my faith community.
Today's photo is of some deer.

Argument and debate

I told my cousin that I no longer want to debate or discuss issues on which we disagree.
We have had long running discussions on our beliefs over the course of the past few years.
At first, I thought she might be open to hearing about God and my beliefs. But she isn't and I grew tired of her endless tirades against my church and my God.
Her negative thoughts have worn me out. I love her and desire that her soul be saved, even if she doesn't.
But, I cannot continue to listen to her.
May God have mercy on me for failing to bring her around. May he have mercy on her and grant her salvation.
Today's photo is of ths Holy Family statuary in our church.

Mama goose

Today's photo is of a nesting mama goose. She has built her nest in the middle of the river on a gravel bar island.
Whether her nest will survive until the goslings are born will be determined as each day passes. The place where she resides can and usually is underwater once the spring runoff starts.
Today she ran off another goose pair who happened to venture too close to her nest. The noise was fearsome as she defended her "turf."
Mother geese are incredible. There are many (former) eagle's nests that are now home to geese because the mama goose was able to run off the eagle inhabitants.
I imagine the eagle nest seems huge,  quite comfy and a safe haven in which to sit upon her brood of eggs.
Thank you, Lord, for the wonders of nature that I am blessed to  have surrounding me.

Warm potato mush

A couple of lingering thoughts from tonight's Stations of the Cross:
Falling flat on your face because instead of letting God help, we try to do it on our own.
The difference between pain and suffering. Suffering is uniquely human.
Embarrassed and a little angry about the soup offering Pat made. I don't know why she took it in so early, and left it on high. What we ended up with was warm potato mush, no soup, and the potatoes had cooked down so much there wasn't much left. Every body got a small spoonful.
The offering made me think of how my offerings must look to the Lord when done in haste or half-assed.
Actually, it's exactly how my own paltry offerings must appear to God when I don't want to spend the time to do the offering with my full heart and soul.
So, forgive me Lord, for not taking my own commitments to you more seriously and ending up with warm potato mush as the offering instead of clam chowder.
Please help me to remember this the next time I am tempted to skimp out on what should be the most generous and wonderful blessing I can give.
Forgive me for my judgement of another's offering and also for failing to offer you the best I can offer.
You are My Lord. Every thing I offer to you should be the best I have, not the left over moments of time I have remaining after having given the world it's coin.
Today's photo is the nails and cross. This banner is currently hanging on the altar at my church.

Prayers and more prayers

I don't have anything to say today.
I pray still for the families of those lost yesterday and today.
You died, my Lord, that we might have life and have it to the full.
I pray for those who think they have no choice but to take life, their own or someone else's.
Have mercy on us, Lord. Have mercy.
Today's photo is of clouds and sky.

The Shooting

Today, while en route to Casper, our son called us to tell us he was ok after the shooting.
Chills ran up and down my spine.
Being on the road, we hadn't heard about the shooting. A soldier opened fire on fellow soldiers, killing three and wounding 14 before killing himself.
I think we are so blessed to have Jesus, Mary, angels and saints watching over us and taking care of our loved ones.
I pray for the victims of the shooter, the shooter and the families and friends of those affected.
Lord, please have mercy on all those affected by this tragedy.
Thank you so much for taking care of my son, even when I don't know he is in need of protection. You know and keep him safe and I love you for that.
Today's photo is what my yard looked like this morning.  Our April showers are white.

Stuck

I seem to have hit a wall in regards to my Lenten observances.
When I so wanted  to offer a good and beautiful sacrifice to the Lord in praise and thanksgiving for His dying for me, I have botched the whole thing.
And then there is the consecration I made to Blessed Mother. It should be transforming my life and yet I feel that nothing has changed.
So, I am doing something wrong. Please help me, Lord, to know what I need to do to find favor with you once again.
My sweet child. Your heart is in the right place, even if you poorly execute your best intentions.  Do not think that my Son or I ever give up on you. We do not. You have much to learn about obedience and discipline.
Keep working on becoming more obedient and more disciplined as you thank and praise.
All will be well. Trust me and trust my Son. We both love you deeply snd tenderly. We desire that you should reach perfection.
Today's photo is of cloud cover on Kennaday Peak.

True friends

I have always considered myself to be a true friend to those people I call my friends.
It hurts when they don't reciprocate. Or maybe their definition of being a true friend is different. I don't know, but I do know that the pain I feel being "betrayed"by a "true friend"is some kind of awful.
This has always been a sure way for me to identify with Christ, for He, too, was betrayed by friends.
Judas, of course. But also by Peter who denied even knowing Him.
I wonder if much of the agony He felt was from knowing He would experience this essential rejection of everything for which He had lived His life. By people who loved Him and whom He loved.
I am not the best person in the world and I do have many faults and failings.
Yet, I ask Jesus and His Blessed Mother to pray for me that I might forgive those who have injured me by betrayal. People whom I considered to be my friends,  but who hurt me by not being the friend I needed.
I guess maybe I need to be granted the grace to love them for who they are and not feel betrayed when they don't meet that need.
Today's photo is of Vedauwoo.

Still down

I am still not feeling well, so I don't have anything to share.
I offer my illness up for anyone who is sick. Please, dear Lord, exchange my illness for health for someone in need today.
Thank you.
Another photo of Vedauwoo.

Being Sick

Being ill looks a lot different from the inside than it does from the outside.
I wasn't as sympathetic to my little grand darlin's as I should have been this week when they complained about how bad they felt.
May the Good Lord remind me of how very badly I feel today the next time I am tempted to dismiss the symptoms of another who is ill.
Today's photo is of the very cool rock formations at Vedauwoo National Recreation Area. I took it after I had met my son for the kid swap and before my symptoms became full blown flu.

Anger

I don't know what it is about neediness that brings out the bully in me.
But, tonight I realized that I can be and therefore am a bully.
Lord, have mercy on me for this horrendous trait.
Blessed Mother, please pray for me that I might overcome this terrible trait.
Please ask our Lord, your most holy and merciful Son, to pour out blessings of love and kindness on those towards whom I direct my bullying.
Because I have asked for and received an exchange of Hearts and minds and wills with Blessed Mother, I ask that you heal the wounds I have inflicted by such smallness and meanness of spirit towards those whom I love the most.
Please grant to me the graces I need to become a more loving and kind and merciful person.
Today's photo is of clouds hovering over the mountains while a brisk breeze blows across the water.

Taking time to pray

I have been using my grandchildren's visit as an excuse to not keep to my daily prayer regimen.
And to forget the penitenial nature of the Lenten season.
I find myself falling backwards into the zombie like state of mind/being where I don't accomplish my daily duties, but sit before the television, being blasted by the voices of evil emanating from that box.
Even worse, I allow the grandkids to also be exposed to it. My children learned to sit before the tv from me and have passed it along to their children. What an awful legacy I have given to them.
Even as I write this, I allow myself to be inundated by the noise, the immoral plots and themes of what I try to justify as entertainment.
Lord, have mercy on me and on my children and grandchildren. Please bless them with the graces to break this unhealthy behavior. Unhealthy for the soul, that is.
Blessed Mother, I surrender this behavior to you and ask that you exchange it for a holier behavior that is much healthier for body and soul.
Today's photo is of my oldest grandson fishing on a cold, blustery spring day.

Enjoying the Day

Today we are enjoying the outdoors with our grandchildren.
We are blessed to be able to spend time with them, although it has disrupted my prayer schedule.
I have surrendered the week to the Lord and Mary, though, and hope they realize my offering of the day and our activities is the prayer.
I am trying to keep my calm and peace even when the little darlin's test my patience. :-D
Anyway,  we are blessed to be able to spend some time showing them how to fish. So many children these days have no experience of the outdoors. My grandchildren, too, spend too much time inside when they are home.  City living is so different than small town rural living, where kids can play outside, using their imaginations to create forts or ride their bikes to the park. In the cities where they live, they spend their time safe inside, but exposed to the violence of television and video games.
The weather today would be considered by some to be brutal.
Fortunately, we are basking in the sun, sheltered from the wind by a solid row of willows.
It roars as it passes overhead and once in a while, it sneaks up and changes direction giving us a "refreshing" blast of cool air. It reminds us that but for the willow windbreak, it would leave us as clean as the sun-bleached, wind-scoured bones of creatures who succumbed to winter. 
When the wind blows clouds in front of the sun, the temperature drops noticeably, however. Undoubtedly, a spring squall is moving through.
Patches of blue  run across the sky, surrounded by mean gray clouds.
Thank you, Lord for all your blessings.
A photo of the clouds today.

Surrendering All

Today I made an Act of Consecration to our Blessed Mother.
I wrote it down and signed it and dated it.
I hope to surrender each day to Mary and to rejoice in the love she and the whole heavenly retinue have for me.
I give you everything, Blessed Mother, especially today my love for my country.
I pray that you will influence the US Supreme Court to act in accordance with God's will in the matter of the individual mandate.
Thank you for your blessings today.
Help me to live my consecration more fully each day.
Today's photo is fishing with the grandchildren.

Vigil of the Assumption

Today is the vigil of the Assumption and the night before my Marian consecration.
I have my grandchildren with me today and will have them tomorrow.
Because it will be hectic and not a calm and meditative type of day, I take the time tonight to ask Mary to exchange my faulty heart for hers and to ask that on the day of Consecration, she comes with us as we share in family outings.
Blessed Mother, I know I have let you down and disappointed you and your most holy and perfect Son.
Still, please pray with me for forgiveness for my faults and failings. Ask Jesus to love us all in spite of those things that are disappointing and sinful.
Help us to trust in His mercy and love.
Today's photo is of Elk Mountain, from the east, looking westward.

Blessings

We have our grandchildren with us this week for their spring break.
They are so full of life and are such a joy. Admittedly, they are full of energy and fun. They keep us hopping and it's only after they leave thay we feel exhausted.  LOL.
We are blessed to have six grandchildren so far.  Four if them are with us this week. We don't get to see them as much as we would like, so we take full advantage of the chances we do get.
In preparation for my Marian consecration on Tuesday, March 25, I have been meditating on the love Mary has for each of her children.
Undoubtedly, this includes grandchildren as well. I will share mine with her, as I share my children and other family members.
Oh, Blessed Mother. I place in your most Immaculate Heart the love I have for my children and grandchildren.  I know that you will keep them deep in your heart of love.
Please help me to guide them to Your Son that they might partake of the salvation He purchased for them with His life.
A photo of my four youngest grandchildren, enjoying a swim in the pool.

Mercy

Oh, my Lord! I am in need of your mercy.
Today, during a heart to heart conversation. I heard you tell me that television is a way that evil enters my life.
And yet, when I got home and my husband had it on,  I sat down and began watching it.
Thoughtlessly. At first, any way. Then, I was reminded of our earlier conversation.
You would think that I would immediately turn it off.
But, I didn't.  I am addicted to watching certain shows.
I need your help in overcoming this addiction, my Lord and God. I turn it over to our Blessed Mother so that she can exchange it for something much more edifying to me and for you.
Thank you, my Lord and God for your mercy and your help.
Today's photo is of a low lying photo on the mountains.

Lapses

I don't know why I can seem to do well in regards to Lenten sacrifice, and then think I deserve a reward for doing well.
I have blown my sacrifices tonight after doing well with my fast.
I have relapsed back into old habits and choices.
Forgive me, Lord.
And now I feel physically ill. I am also spiritually ill.
Please help me, Lord, and have mercy on me.

My spiritual director/friend

Today I met once again with a friend whose relationship with me is primarily spiritual.
We have come slowly to the place where we could share our spiritual thoughts and experiences.
In my younger years, I could become quite annoyed with her. I am sure that I was just as annoying to her as she was to me. I have discovered that those kinds if things are usually mutual, even though I do not consider myself to be annoying. (Huge eye roll.)
At any rate, as the years have passed by and we both have mellowed with age and are no doubt tempered by wisdom, we have become spiritual sisters.
We can enjoy a spiritual discussion without having to be "right" in our point of view. Indeed, I have found that the person I used to find so annoying actually is quite deep spiritually and has some astute insights.
I consider this to be a gift from the Lord, or perhaps Blessed Mother or maybe both.
That they could arrange that my friend and I could meet at a certain point on the journey is remarkable. The journey that I began when I viewed it from atop the mountain and that looks so different when faced up close.
That our hearts and minds are so similar and that we both thirst for a deeper relationship, with God and with each other, is nothing less than miraculous.
Thank you, my Lord and thank you blessed mother, for giving me spiritual direction. I wouldn't have thought of this person as a spiritual director, but I see the wisdom of your choice.
Thank you and praise you.
Today's photo is of the mountains to the east of my town, covered in snow.

Feast of St. Joseph

Dear Lord,
I thank you so much for the gift of twin sons who were born on the Feast of St. Joseph.
Although I was Catholic at the time, I was a fairly recent convert and hadn't yet made the acquaintance of many of the saints. I knew what almost every one with even a minimal knowledge of the Bible knew about St. Joseph. He was the husband of Mary and foster father to our Lord. He was a carpenter and passed along his knowledge of carpentry to his son, Jesus.
It was only later, as I grew in my Catholic faith, that I came to a deeper appreciation of St. Joseph.
He appeals to me because  he reminds me of my own father: kind, generous and loving, albeit very human. As such, he is prone to the same faults and failings as the rest of us.
I have lately come to realize that God entrusted His most beloved--His Son Jesus and Mary--into the care of St. Joseph. Entrusted His entire plan for salvation into the human hands of Joseph and Mary. Because St. Joseph was human, he could have betrayed the Father's plan by nothing more than delayed obedience.
Something as understandable as, "Ok, Gabriel, we'll leave for Egypt first thing in the morning. "
And yet, he instantly obeyed and saved the lives of Jesus and Mary.
It is said by those more knowledgeable than I that any request asked of St.  Joseph is granted. He holds a high place in heaven and in our Lord's heart.
Thank you, Lord, for the gift of St. Joseph.
St. Joseph, I ask you to intercede with the Lord for the protection and blessings of my family, especially today, on their birthday party,  my sons. I pray that they might become like you in all things, especially in devotion to Jesus through Mary.
I pray that you will ask the Lord to grace me with the gift of instant obedience, as well.
Thank you, Lord and St. Joseph.
Today's photo is of cactus that can be found almost anywhere.

Rod of Discipline

There is a story about a man who uses a rod with which to  threaten a child so the child will do as the man wants.
The man doesn't ever have to use the rod on the child, but he does brandish it occasionally when the child needs reminded that he/she isn't doing what has been asked.
The story proceeds and at the end asks if perhaps the sufferings and trying situations in which we find ourselves are in reality God's "rod."
As I ponder that, I wonder if it is true for my sons, who are both undergoing some trying times.
It is also possible that the trying times are in answer to my prayers for their salvation. Only those who have need of the Savior seek Him. Is the only way to get through to them through suffering?
Sometimes, I wonder if the Lord allows our choices so that we will find our way back to Him, when things don't work out the way we thought they would. At least, I know that it has some times worked out for me that way.
Or maybe He just takes the mess we have made of things and makes something good and beautiful and holy come out of it. I know He has also done this in my life.
I thank you, Lord, for the gift of my sons who will celebrate their birthdays tomorrow, on the Solemnity of St. Joseph.
I  also ask the intercession of St. Joseph in helping them through the trying times they are undergoing at this time.
Thank you, Lord, for all your blessings. You are My Lord and My God. I give my life to you, anew.
I liked the light and shadow  in today's photo.

Early Memory

I am not sure where this memory came from, but one of my earliest is that I seem to recall "being" before I actually was a human being.
I am in "space"  and assignments were being handed out. I don't remember my assignment, but I do remember that I didn't want to go where I was sent.
It wasn't "where the action was," so to speak. I was being sent to some insignificant backwater while important things were happening elsewhere.
My family tells me that I cried for the first two years of my life. I often wonder if it was in protest at being sent to some place I didn't want to go?
I love living here now, and I love my family although I had to learn to love the small town.
There is so much that I wish I had better appreciated when I had the chance. And there is so much I wish I had done differently, done better.
Somehow, the being in "space" is part of the journey that I have described earlier. How it all ties together, I am not yet sure. I just know that I will need forgiveness for the things I did poorly and badly as well as for the things I didn't do at all.
Lord, please guide me and enlighten me as I continue this journey so that I don't continue to make the same mistakes.
Today's photo is of the river.

Friendship and Discipline

From this evening's reading in the Liturgy of the Hours: "What I do is discipline my own body and master it, for fear that after having preached to others I myself should be rejected." 1Corinthians 9:27
Dear Lord, please grant to me the grace of self discipline that I might truly discipline myself. I could not stand to be rejected by you.
Thank you also for true friends.
Please help me to forgive those friends who are less than true, who remember not their friends when the situation changes.
Please help me also to be a true friend and forgive me for the times when I have been less than true, to You and to others.
This picture is of flowers given to me by one of my true friends, nearly two weeks ago.  Yet the blooms are still beautiful.
Thank you, Lord, for the gift of the Liturgy of the Hours.

Trusting Mary

I read today that God the Father was the first to totally entrust Himself, His dreams, plans and even His Son to Mary.
It helped me to glimpse how and why I should follow His example and totally entrust myself to Mary who is simultaneously the Daughter, Spouse and Mother of God. What a wonderful thought.
Lord, I must also ask your blessings for my friend Pat.
She was angry with me tonight because of my cough. Or something. She is so desperate to always be going somewhere.  Please help me to understand her and to be patient with her.
And give me your wisdom and patience when dealing with her and my atheist cousin.
Forgive me when I am self righteous. I pray the Jesus prayer:  Lord Jesus Christ,  have mercy on me, a sinner.
Today's photo is ducks on the water.

Bad days

I had a bad day yesterday after I partook of something that I should no longer have tried.

Once I had lost my willpower,  I just kept going and going, over indulging to an extreme excess.

Today, I committed to fasting and did better. I pray for your forgiveness, my Lord and God, for the excesses I allowed myself yesterday.

I am also not very good at fasting, yet. I hope that "practice makes perfect," and that I will be granted the grace necessary to fast acceptably in the future.

Walking through the countryside, the wilderness towards the Lord is fraught  with dangers that look enticing and appealing from afar.

In all things, I need to remember that the Lord is good and merciful, eager to forgive my transgressions.

And I also need to remember that satan delights in pulling me away from the sure path that leads to the Lord.
His deceptions look sweet, but are deadly.

Lord, thank you for your many blessings. Please grant me discernment that I might recognize how hurtful it is to you when I stray off the path that leads towards you. And also please grant the grace to hold tightly to my fasts and prayer time.

Open water

A Call to Generosity

We have been without a functional heater for almost a week.
We had a weird "thundersnow storm" about a month ago, resulting in some bizarre power surges. They played havoc with appliances, including the electronic igniter in our heater.
We have struggled with repair people who didn't actually repair the heater and getting the right parts,  etc.
We are fortunate to be going through a fairly mild weather spell at the moment.  We also have small space heaters we could move from place to place to take off the chill.
It has made me be so appreciative of the many conveniences we are fortunate enough to have in our country. Heat being among those things that we expect to work at the "flip of a switch," so to speak.
As I was whining about going with minimal heat,  I felt compassion and sympathy for people who live their lives without knowing if they will have heat. Or water. Or food.
I am so blessed to live in the place I do.  Thank you, Lord!
I read a reflection today on "giving to all who ask." The author suggested (as part of a Lenten sacrifice) giving something to ALL of the people who ask. A call to action, because it's not enough to feel compassion and sympathy. I need to act on those feelings.
Giving something to everyone who asks struck me as absurd at first. I must be on every Catholic charitable organization list in the country. Give something to each of them?
But, as I have been considering the richness of my life, I have come to see that challenge as the same one Christ issued to the "rich young man" who turned away when Christ told him to give away all he had and to "Come, follow me."
I didn't even realize until writing it, but that IS what Christ is calling me to do.
Not give away all I have. Well, at least not yet.  But He is calling me to "Give something to everyone who asks."
Oh my. This is going to be a leap of faith. Lord, please help me to give of my many blessings to those in need, according to your will.
AMEN and thank you, especially for heat and hot running water.
Thank you also for teaching me how to fast.I had a more penitent fast day  today and I hope to improve on it the next time.

Gluttony gets me again

I thought I was doing well today in my Lenten observances.

I spent most of the morning either in prayer or spiritual readings.

I have a "Liturgy of the Hours" book that I have tried twice before to make a daily habit. It has never worked out for some reason or another.

Yet, this Lent I felt called to find it and begin praying with the universal church.
I am finding it easier than ever before. 

I am also preparing for Marian consecration on March 25, the Assumption.

I have Lenten meditations coming directly to my email.
I went to Mass and thought that I was making pretty good progress in my journey through Lent.

Then, after I got home from a luncheon date with my husband, I couldn't stop snacking.  It was gluttonous.

I am ashamed that I experienced such a binge of non discipline.

How am I ever going to make it through fasting when I displayed such lack of control?

Oh my Lord! Was it because I was so busy patting myself on my back for my prayerful morning that I opened myself up to attack? I was being prideful.

Forgive me, my Lord for all my follies.

Help me to receive the gifts you want to share with me.
Help me to open myself to interior prayer.

Lord, help me to be who you want me to be.

Heart to Heart conversations

I have been remembering spiritual places I have been.
It seems like a travel-log of the journey I undertook and described yesterday.

As I headed down from the lofty heights from which I viewed my far-off destination, I began to experience God in different manifestations.

One day it struck me that the silent conversations with no one in particular that I was having were truly  heart-to-heart conversations!

Oh!

The wonder of that knowledge literally dropped me to my knees and I was filled with such joy.

The thought that such a thing was possible filled me with incomparable delight!

I wanted to run and share such delightful news immediately with the one with whom I thought I was conversing.

I recognized God as part of it, but I thought the conversation with another's heart was actually being held with a person of my acquaintance. God had gifted me with the ability to speak with another person via our hearts, silently. Or so I thought at the time.

I have come to realize that it was actually the heart of God with whom my heart was speaking.

Let me repeat that. My heart was actually speaking to the heart of God.

Ok. Anyone who has experienced this would probably identify it as "interior prayer. "

It was so sweet, so sublime that I long to taste it again.

For as I continue on the journey, I sometimes wander into areas of dryness and drought, instead of the rich fertility I viewed from afar.

Don't get me wrong. The rich fertility is still there. I have just wandered into a dry patch and must continue on the way so that I can find the sweetness again.

For when I was truly having those heart to heart conversations I was experiencing life as lived to the full.

I have come to realize that getting there again will take discipline and obedience.

What was once gifted to me so freely now has to be earned.

Let me rephrase that. I think the gift is still there, but I must now delve a little deeper and work to increase my understanding if it.
I must discover what God wants me to do with such a wonderful gift.

Before, in my ignorance, I thought it was just for my pleasure.

I didn't have a spiritual director to guide me in the proper development of interior prayer.

Lord, please guide me as you will,  that I might reach the place you have selected for me.
Thank you for your many blessings.

Breadcrumbs

Today as I was taking my dog walking, white rocks seemed to catch my attention.
The thought occurred to me that they were like breadcrumbs leading me to my destination.
My destination. What is it? Where do I want to "end up?"
Years ago I used to have a vision of a fantastically beautiful valley.
I was up high, looking at a viewscape that was so wonderful, it still makes me catch my breath when I recall it.
A river wound through the mountains and I could see incredible distances.
The light was ambient, colorful.  Growth and health seemed to be everywhere. It was peaceful, but so alive I could almost taste it.
As I looked across the valley, I knew I had to journey through the place I was viewing. To get to a place where I was loved and cherished.
But traveling through it was going to be challenging and difficult.
Even though the beauty was astounding, the journey itself would test and try me.
Perhaps it could be likened to the journey of Jesus into the wilderness. Except that I have succumbed to temptations and failed those I love. Hurt them and failed them, just because I was human.
I am still on that journey, following the breadcrumbs left by Jesus as I make my way toward him.
He has healed the hurts and made right the failures. Thank you, Lord.
Lord, always let me recognize the signs you leave me so that I can find my way to you.