Ash Wednesday, 2014

It is time once again to begin my Lenten journal.
This is something I have been doing, or attempting to do for years as a Lenten gift to the Lord.
Technology has enabled me to NOT have excuses for failing to get it done.
When I first began my Lenten journal, I was writing it out by hand. I have always wanted to include photos or a photo each day so I would take pictures to go with my musings. As I recall, my first attempts at this were with film and presented challenges that youngsters today cannot even imagine.
So the first thing that changed was digital photography. But I had to download them to my PC and then upload the chosen photos to my blog, etc. I didn't ever get a journal complete, from Ash Wednesday through Easter.
Writing today, I am using my phone to take photos and write the post in an email that I will send directly to my blog.
So, no more excuses!
I hope to present a complete photo journal of my Lenten journey to the Lord and His Blessed Mother this year.
I was able to get out and take a walk today and captured some moments on my camera.
I spent the day in quiet reflection and reading. I hope to make good on my other Lenten sacrifices this year, too. I am giving up television and sweets. I am also going to practice fasting twice a week. So, my journey should contain some tales of struggle and insights into overcoming temptations.
At least, that's the plan. The goal, of course, is getting closer to the heart of Christ.
A meditation today by Fr. Robert Barron says that love is "a concrete act on behalf of those in need--the hungry, the homeless, the lonely, the imprisoned, the forgotten.  It is the bearing of another's burden."
I need to find ways to bear the burden of someone in need. I need to let Christ shine through me.
Jesus, I give this day back to you. I managed to practice self - denial. I probably didn't do as well at it as you think I can, but I hope to get better with more "practice. "
I also need to get over some hurts in my heart that cause me to think ugly thoughts. I beg your forgiveness and mercy, my Lord.
The photo moment of the day is of the mountains to the east of my home. They are snow covered and the river tributary still has ice on it.

First Friday

It is the practice in my home parish to have Adoration on First Fridays,  after Mass.
Today, I had to be out of town and lamented to a friend that I would miss First Friday Adoration.
Oh, how wonderful the Lord rewards us when we try to meet Him.
I made the effort to attend Mass in the community where I was going to be, thinking how sweet it would be to receive our Lord, even if I couldn't be in Adoration.
Praise God for His most gracious bounty!
Not only does the community I am visiting also hold Adoration on First Fridays, anyone needing to receive the Anointing of the Sick was called forward.
God is so good!
I thank you and praise you, Lord. Not only for your gifts to me, but also just for the Gift of yourself for all in the world, that we might be redeemed and forgiven.

Obedience

The thing about being obedient, I have discovered, is that once you have committed to it, it becomes increasingly difficult to be disobedient.
One's conscience seems to "nag" (forgive the rather negative connotation) until one is even roused from sleep to be obedient.
Perhaps the rousing comes from one's Guardian Angel, who knows better than any living person, the cost of being disobedient.
Tonight I committed myself to write a blog post at least twice a week. I did so because I have felt that God is calling me to it.
I have put it off with some excuse or another since the beginning of the new year.
Tonight, while in the Presence of the Lord before the Holy Tabernacle, I heard the command to write loud and clear.
And still, I easily slipped into my "old routine" and almost didn't get it done.
After hearing the command, I said I would. I committed myself to being more obedient to the Lord, yet when I got home, it was the least of my concerns. Sadly. 
And now I have been roused from sleep by my Guardian Angel who knows how much of an insult to the Lord any further disobedience from me would be.
I thank you, my dear Guardian Angel, for not allowing me to ignore the commitment I made just hours ago.
Lord, please forgive me for not giving you more. Forgive me for allowing myself to slip back into a routine from which I have begged your help in overcoming. And still, I didn't give the best time of my evening to you. Forgive me and help me to be the person you want me to be.

Trust in A New Year

"Commit your way to the Lord and trust that He will act." ~ Psalm 37: 5
This was the scripture verse given to me by my confessor during an Advent Penance service.
I need to work more on trusting that once I have committed my way to the Lord, then He IS acting in me, through me and with me in all my daily duties.
As I begin to believe in this scripture verse, I pray that all my acts will become prayers as I offer up to God each little or big thing that I am doing or facing that day.
I must remember to consecrate each day to Him and then focus on that day,  not worrying about future days.  I must live the gift of the present day.
So, let me begin the New Year by trusting that God is indeed acting in my life by using everything I offer up to him.
Thank you, Lord.

God Waiting for Us

Snow covers the hills with a blanket of snow

"A voice says, "Cry out!"
I answer, "What shall I cry out?"
~Isaiah 40:6

The words from Isaiah today really made me stop and think. It is one of those Biblical readings that seems to be directed specifically at me.
So often it seems that when the Lord asks me to do something..."Cry out!" I am like the person in Isaiah who asks, "What shall I say?" Instead of being obedient, I have to query my Lord about the details. Maybe He just wants me to do something, anything.
As I have been pondering why I procrastinate so often about doing what I think God is calling me to do, I came across a meditation...and I am sorry that I did not remember to bookmark it so that I could link to it....that essentially said that while we make preparations and are waiting for the Lord's coming, He is also waiting for us to do His will.
It was an eye-opener for me because I hadn't thought that we must try God's patience with our endless pettiness and failures (procrastination??).
 He waits for us to show Him that we are making progress and improving the world where He has placed us. I have often thought that if I lived someplace else or had a better means, I could do so much more for my Lord. He knows me well. What He is saying to me is that it doesn't matter where I am or by what means I choose to do His will. What is important to Him is that I act, using the tools he has given me and saying whatever I am inspired to say by the indwelling Holy Spirit.
How often have I thought, especially in recent years, that God must surely be coming soon in order to save us from the increasing evil that seems to permeate our world. What I had not thought about, and what now gives me pause, is that perhaps He waits for me to do something in order that someone might be saved. Maybe in order that I might be saved.
It has certainly changed my perspective on why He hasn't already come to redeem this poor world. Maybe He is waiting for me to reach out to my neighbor or my friends and family and share with them the one thing that may turn them back to the Lord. Or for me to do the one charitable act that might be of great help to Him in redeeming the world. As I am waiting for Him to come into the world, or better phrased, as I wait to celebrate His Nativity and His coming among us to save us, He might be forestalling His Second Coming in order that my prayers for the salvation of  my family,  friends and acquaintances and even myself can be answered. He might be waiting for me to act, to do the one simple duty He has given me to do that I keep procrastinating about doing. Lord, have mercy on me and inspire me to do your will.

Waiting

The bird house hangs empty during the cold winter months

Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception, Dec. 9, 2013

"Into her presence the angel came, and said, Hail, thou who art full of grace; the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women." ~ Luke 1:28

The time of waiting, once Mary had  made her Fiat! to the Angel Gabriel who had been sent to her to announce God's will, must have been one of joyful anticipation. How we can learn from her and strive to be more kind and more loving towards all with whom we come in contact. The time of Advent for me has become, instead of a joyful waiting time, one of procrastination. There is a huge difference between joyful waiting in anticipation and the procrastination I have let become a bad habit.
I put off doing so many things, including writing, that I then find myself harried and hurried to get done all the things I have obligated myself to and all of the things I need to be doing as part of my answer to Christ's call.

Dear Lord, please forgive me for all the times I have neglected your commands and your call to action and please grant to me the grace to live my life more fully and to become a more active participant in your will. A doer of your will, not a hearer only, as we heard in the recent Gospel reading. I do not wish to be one of those who will gnash their teeth in despair when they realize that they have been hearers only and not doers of your word and will.

Note: The Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception is celebrated on Dec. 8, except when that falls on a Sunday. It is then celebrated on the following Monday. This year, it was celebrated on Monday, Dec. 9, 2013.

Giving Small Gifts

In a commentary on today's readings, the author, Steve Givens,  says a friend once told him that he has nothing good enough to give to God.
Givens goes on to note that many people often feel the same way, that their gifts are insignificant and small and so they hesitate to offer them to the Lord.
Indeed,  that very sentiment is how I have often felt. I guess I have been unsure of what my gifts are and whether or not I am being called to use them for God.
That's why I have been trying to determine what my apostolate is. Question two is "what is my skill set?"
So, I have spent a lot of time looking for my apostolate in things that others are good at or get complimented on. My own gifts seem inadequate, so I have been trying to co-opt the skills or talents of others. That is one reason why it has seemed so difficult. ..because the talent or skills I am trying to use aren't my own.
Givens says the Gospel reading today also says it doesn't matter how small the gift. What matters is that you offer it to God and then pass on what He does with your offering, as in today's passing on of the loaves and fishes.
Thank you, Lord, for the gifts you have given me. Help me to use them according to Your will and for your glory.

Letter from La La Land

The open air World War II Memorial in Washington, DC

 "Wolf shall live at peace with lamb, leopard take its ease with kid; calf and lion and sheep in one dwelling-place, with a little child to herd them" ~ Isaiah 11:6 (Knox Translation Copyright © 2013 Westminster Diocese)

I received today an "annual letter" put out by one of my relatives at this time of the year.
Written following the best form of "Christmas Letters," she never refers to it as a Christmas letter because she either doesn't believe in Christ or fears to offend those of her friends who don't believe.
Yet she finds some kind of comfort in sharing the details of her life with her family and friends during this season. It's similar to those weird stories I have seen lately about "Atheist Churches." Places for those people who have no faith or belief in God to gather and tell feel good stories to one another about all their accomplishments. From what I have read, these "churches" are not places of worship, but places nonetheless where folk of like mind and heart can gather to share in fellowship and food, if nothing else. Although, it probably could be debated as to whether they do worship themselves or the human mind, but I digress. That is a different story.

I have been stewing about my cousin's "annual letter" because of the following paragraph:

"Worse thing of the year? Worthless, meaningless, and idiotic government closure. Since we care for animals we, of course, worked while other government employees got paid to stay home. This is idiotic and it should be against the law for elected officials to close the government. It’s their job to make it run. I have absolutely no acceptance for this and all the negative ramifications it causes."

At first, I thought she was only miffed because she has what is an apparently "essential" government job and had to actually work during the brief government shutdown this past fall. That may very well be part of her problem with the shutdown. Her fellow government cronies got to stay home and eventually collected pay for the forced time off, but she had to work.
As I pondered it more and more...ok, worried it like a dog worries a bone, is a more apt description...I started to think I should respond to her letter and let her know what the "shutdown" looked like to someone who doesn't live in the Beltway surrounding DC. I thought about responding with snark as in the following:

"I'm not sure if you are angry because you didn't get to spend the shutdown sitting at home while getting paid, or because of the shutdown itself. My own thoughts on the issue run almost diametrically opposed to yours, but that should be no surprise to you. The question that comes immediately to mind is that if these personnel are "non-essential" then why do they have (government) jobs at all? No one seems to be able to answer that question.

My second thought is (as you are probably aware), the problem is that the Senate hasn't passed a budget in over three years. That's why we have to have continuing resolutions in order to fund the government....because the Senate has steadfastly refused, under the leadership of Harry Reid, to even bring a budget to the floor for discussion or negotiation, much less a vote." 

 

Then I let it rest for awhile, but it keeps bugging me. Should I perhaps make light of it, by telling her how comical it was to hear her grousing about all the supposedly negative ramifications to this shutdown when the DC ruling elite had to barricade open-air memorials and parking lots in order to inconvenience tourists enough that they might share the outrage? Because, quite frankly, the impact was minimal in my neck of the woods. Granted, the long arm of the federal government did attempt to make an impact on ordinary citizens, but most of us just went about our business, working around the inconveniences. Or, as the World War II vets so powerfully showed us, pushed right through the inconveniences (barricades) and visited the "open 24/7 year-round" Memorial dedicated to them.

 

The thing is, I want to rattle her cage a little bit...let her know that just because she breathes the air in Liberal La La Land and thinks the sun rises and sets with huge centralized government, there are a lot of folks who happen to think that those "non-essential bureaucrats" should maybe look for work in the private sector. Or that at least having the elected officials shut down the government leaves us with an option...to vote them out or attempt to vote them out, if we don't like their decisions. We have no such recourse with unelected bureaucrats, whom we apparently have to pay even if they don't work and whom we may not even be able to fire. Ever. That is much more troublesome to me than elected officials making a decision with which I may not agree. 

 

In the course of all this mental ranting, I kept hearing that "still small voice" that is the voice of my Lord. He is telling me to let it go, to be charitable and generous in my response to her "annual letter." He is telling me I should focus on the rest of her letter...the parts about her life, the travels she's undertaken this past year and the loved ones she's lost (pets, no people) and her plans for the future.

 

Maybe that's why I have been stewing about it, worrying it like a dog bone. Because my first inclination is not to be charitable and generous, but to start an argument or issue a snarky response. He's asking me to be bigger and better than my pitiful self and also to be obedient to His will. It's hard because I want her to know I do not agree with her, but I also want to show her the best of what it means to be a Catholic Christian, especially at this time of year, when we are making preparations in our hearts for His Coming. I want her to feel the "peace that passes all understanding," when/if she comes to know the Lord. And I want her to trust in Jesus Christ and not the federal government.

That probably won't happen if I respond to her letter as I want to respond and not as God is calling me to respond.

So, I am choosing to be obedient to God's will. I will forbear and be charitable and generous when I respond to her "annual letter"... with my greetings via a Christmas card portraying the Nativity. :-)

I am already feeling joyful about evangelizing the way God wants me to do it. 

"Justice shall flower in his days, and profound peace, till the moon be no more." ~ Psalm 72:7 (The Word Among Us, Mass readings for 12-3-2013)

Advent...A New Beginning

Winter Snow makes the red rocks seem vibrant

"Come and save us, Lord our God; let your face shine upon us, that we may be saved."  ~ Psalm 80:4

When I got around to checking on this blog, I was shocked to see how long it had been since I had last written a post. This blog and the posting on it are what I believe the Lord is calling me to, even if no one else ever reads my musings.
So, when praying about what I should do to prepare the way for Christmas and the Coming of the Lord into my heart again, I was led to review my blog. The Lord definitely wants me to use my skills to write a blog. I don't feel particularly skilled or think that I have things worthwhile to say, but He keeps calling me back to it, so He must see something in me that I have been ignoring. So, here we go again.

All this deep introspection has been because of a podcast I listened to on how to determine my apostolate. There were five questions and the first one was "What things do people compliment you on?" So, as I was praying about this and pondering what things I have been complimented on, I was once again brought back to writing and photography. The point of the first question is that if you are good at something...the example used was cooking and that is definitely not one of my skills :-)...then that may be something that the Lord is using as a way to reach people. If, the example goes on, I am good at cooking, then perhaps that skill (question number two, which I will address tomorrow) may be what God wants me to use to reach out to people and evangelize them. I think the point of the podcast is to help us realize that the "E" word (evangelization) doesn't have to be something scary or something that we are reluctant to do. Going door to door to share my faith is not something which would ever come easily to me. However, reaching out by writing is something that has always come easily...more easily than speaking, in fact. It also brings me to my other Advent offering.

An Advent Angel

It has been a custom of our local women's group to anonymously give Advent gifts to someone in our parish family. It's just a way of reaching out to them and letting them know that they are loved and cared for, not only by the "Advent Angel" but by God, who has called a person to give something of themselves to the person(s) of their choice. As a group, we draw names from among those who are attending our meetings, but the group won't meet this year until the third week of Advent, so I felt called to reach out to a couple at the beginning of Advent. The couple the Lord chose for me is a couple a little older than myself and they are facing the challenge of a serious health condition for which there seems to be no remedy. But, as we all know, God has remedies in mind of which the world knows nothing. So, it is my hope and prayer that my reaching out to this couple will enable them to accept God's will and that God will also bless them with a miracle of His choosing. This week, I have sent them a card with some simple bookmarks enclosed. Each week in Advent, I will give them something until Christmas. The ultimate gift, of course, is Christ and as He gives Himself for the Life of the World, perhaps I can give them Christ in the Eucharist by giving as the final present a gift of Masses for them.

The Privilege of Discipleship

Muddy Creek Canyon from across the way

"But blessed are your eyes, because they see, and your ears, because they hear." -- Matthew 13:16
The Susan G. Komen Foundation, dedicated to breast cancer research and prevention, recently changed their policy so that the money they grant will go to actual providers of mammograms and not third party referral services, such as Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood also happens to be under investigation in a number of states and that also played into Komen's decision.
The response from Planned Parenthood and its supporters can best be described as rabidly Pavlovian, a response designed strictly to intimidate and frighten any of Planned Parenthood's other sponsors from also cutting funding to the organization, whose primary business is abortion. The hierarchy of the Planned Parenthood organization knows exactly what bells to ring to bring about the Pavlovian response desired...a besmirching of the Komen Foundation with baseless smears. It did have the desired effect, however, of increasing donations...far above what Komen actually grants to the organization, and that is what I believe the intent was all along. A cold and cynical decision by PP, in my mind.
That PP should use a policy decision made by Komen's board in the best interests of  women to raise funds by sounding false alarms, using fear and intimidation and other such tactics should, in itself, be ample justification for cutting ties with PP.
In pondering this, I come back once again to the thought that perhaps Christians truly do already live in the Kingdom, for we see things so differently from those who live in the world. That must be why there is such a dichotomy between God-fearing people and those to whom government or no one but themselves is "god."
It seems no matter what issue, there exists such a huge rift...a chasm of such depths that so often there is no "common ground." I have often wondered how those who differ in opinion from myself and other like minded people can not see the Truth. I have often tried to enlighten them, but they just do not see it. They see things from their worldview only and there is no bridging the chasm that separates their view from those of Christians and other God fearing people.
Is my view Truth? I always seek God's guidance when such issues come to the fore. Because I do not wish to mislead anyone,  I try to do much praying and reading to get the actual facts of the issues before me. I seek out the Truth taught by the Church which is the pillar of authority empowered by Christ to guide us in these matters.
It seems that the commonly held worldview by those who support abortion or the euphemistic phrase of "Women's Reproductive Health" is such that they just cannot conceive that any digression from their view can possibly be a good thing. Yet, God continues to guide me towards life and the sanctity of the unborn and I trust in Him.
So, do I continue to exhort and tell of what I believe to be God's view of things? Or do I leave them alone in the world, letting them be content to continue in the world?
Lord, give me your guidance and let me hear your words.

Ah, my sweet child, such things are hard for you and I do not intend them to be. I desire that all of my children be saved and that they choose to enter into the Kingdom prepared by My Father and redeemed by Me for those who love God. I told my followers that they must be "in the world, but not of the world," and you have come upon some inkling of what that means. Yes, there is a deep division. My children can see the world view that so misleads others who choose not to believe, but those who do not believe cannot see into the Kingdom. They are blind. I saw it while on earth and gave my Father thanks and praise for hiding the truth from the wise and the learned, but revealing it to the childlike. Belief is required to open the way...to bridge the chasm. If they choose not to believe, they choose not to cross into the Kingdom of Delights that I have prepared for those who do believe and love. It is a free will choice and all need to have the opportunity to choose their path.

Do I want you to continue to tell of the Good News? Yes, I do, even if they appear not to hear. You may be surprised that your words do resound across the way and I have empowered those words to reach  souls whom I am seeking. Do not be afraid of the attacks that will come. Of course you will be attacked by evil, whose sole desire is to delude as many souls as possible. You will be protected, guided and guarded. Always seek my guidance and wisdom before your exhortations, however, never thinking that you possess the wisdom within yourself to do combat. Arm yourself with prayer, the Word of God and faith as a shield and then go forth into the day, combating the forces that seek to destroy souls. My child, I love you. Go in peace.

Praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet

Peering through the window at the snow covered deck

I join with several others of my parish community to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet on the First Friday of the month. I'm sure they pray it by themselves in addition to us praying it together on the First Friday. I have good intentions of praying it daily, but sometimes get lost in the fog of busyness that I wander into. It is such a powerful weapon to use against the evils of our day and it takes such a short amount of time to pray it that I wonder why I don't make it more of a habit? It is nice to pray it with a group of friends, though, and committing to get together once a month seems like small sacrifice, especially in light of all that St. Faustina has done for us. We also discuss Sister Faustina's Diary and there is so much spiritual depth in that book that we do not advance much in our discussions of it, yet it seems like important progress is being made in our spiritual development.
Today, we discussed how we can ever make it to Heaven if even someone as obviously holy as Sister Faustina struggled.
Her struggles leave me feeling so unworthy and not humble as I read her thoughts and get a small glimpse of her generosity of spirit and love of the Lord. She suffers such agonies of the soul over things that I would not even think twice about. Nor, apparently did many of her sisters think twice about certain things, yet she suffered these agonies willingly for the redemption of souls and for love of Christ.
One of the things St. Faustina found necessary was a good spiritual director and I am feeling like I need one as well. I don't know how to go about getting one, though. One of the people at the prayer session today said she was assigned a spiritual director when she went to a Third Order Carmelite function.
Not being a Carmelite, however, I am at a loss and have decided to ask Blessed Mother to help me find the person who will be a good spiritual director for me.
I just realized that it was a year ago today that my mother suffered a massive heart attack and died unexpectedly. I miss her still and pray that she is in heaven, helping me to get there.
Thank you, Lord, for the blessings you have bestowed upon me this day. Forgive me for the neglects of the day and help me to do better tomorrow. I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Sunday Gift, March 20

Items God gifted to me today

Oh my Lord. I thank you so much for everything that you have given to me. Especially the gift of these items as we were out walking today.
This photo does not even show the fullness of your gift to me as I found two more antlers as I continued on the way. I will make a better display and photograph it as my return gift to you.
As I was walking, I was concerned about a number of things...mostly that I might be wrong in my interpretation of recent events and my FB posting on the subject. I do not wish to seem arrogant in knowledge, nor do I wish to allow falsehoods to go unremarked upon. So, I was concerned until I started receiving all the gifts you were giving me. You are always so very generous and I trust that you will allow me to speak only truth when I write or blog. I ask that you humble me gently if I need humbling, and I know that I do need humbling. But, I took your gifts as a sign that Your favor rests with me in my basic inclinations.
I do trust in you, my Lord and God and also my Mother, Holy Spirit and all the angels and saints with whom I have established a friendship. I trust that all of you will guide me to the Father and allow me to only do His will.
Forgive me my failures this day, dear Lord and guide me toward an ever deepening love of you and all that must come to be. I do consecrate myself this day to the loving Immaculate Heart of Mary and to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and I ask to always be a part of those beautiful places.
I know I have many failings and even though I try, I still fall short on the offerings I am trying to give You this Lent.
Thank you, Lord.
Don't be afraid, my child, to embrace the cross. It is also a gift to you, though you may not see the wonder of it until you are down the road. Nevertheless, the cross is a gift and has always been a gift. To allow you to share in it means that you will also receive the gift of the resurrection and that is a might gift. You also want to experience the fullness of the Holy Spirit and you will find much joy in all that transpires. Do not fear. All is well.

My Conversion Story

Spectacular Sunset

My conversion to the Catholic Faith began when I was just out of high school. I had returned to the small town where I grew up and spent the summer working there while living with my grandfather. Most of my friends had gone off to college but I was "too smart" to go that route (a decision I have regretted) and so I just stayed behind and worked.
The small town is mainly a summer tourist town so once my friends had gone their separate ways, I was left pretty much alone. Of course my grandpa was there but for a young adult teen, this was not much company.
Anyway, each day I would walk to work...it was only several blocks to the resort where I was one of the remaining waitresses left to handle the fall crowds. My journey happened to take me past the Catholic church, which brought back memories.
Because I had grown up in this town, I was familiar with the church. In my younger years...about third grade or so, when the church was newly finished, my best friend and I had explored the inside of the building, climbing the stairs to the choir loft and testing out the kneelers. We didn't have kneelers at the protestant church we both attended so that was something new. While we were in there, we decided to start our own club because the "cool girls" of the third grade wouldn't let us in their club. We called it L.O.G. and it had eventually had four members. L.O.G. stood for "Lambs of God" and one of the requirements of membership was to pledge ourselves to God. I have no idea whether the name of our club was heretical or blasphemous but it was a good name, we thought, and so our club began. At this point, I should mention that the church then was a mission church and there was no resident priest to shoo us out. The doors were kept open for the faithful so we essentially had free run of the place.
We used the vacant choir loft for our clubhouse and did pray while we were having our meetings. Eventually we moved our club house to another location. I have always wondered if that first encounter with God, whom we could visibly see hanging on the cross from the vantage of our clubhouse, was when I was first "converted" or called to the Catholic faith.

The Lord has called me to live in a place where the elk roam

 Back to walking to and from work, being alone with virtually no social life and one day as I was walking, my heart started pounding fiercely when I approached the church. In hindsight, I believe this was the Lord standing at the door of my heart and knocking to be let inside. This happened several times and so one day I went inside. It was just like I remembered, except the communion rails had been removed. I looked around and knew my heart had been pounding for a reason. The church at this time was a regular parish church so I knocked on the door of the rectory, introduced myself to the kindly priest who answered the door and thus began my instruction in the Catholic faith.
Father didn't make me wait to prepare at the time of Easter, but instead began my instruction right there. He gave me books to read and told me to come back the next week. So we journeyed through the history and teachings of Catholicism until the day came when he asked me if I wanted to join the church.
I was going to start a vocational school in January, so if I was going to be baptized, it had to be then.
Even though I was afraid and still didn't know all the answers, I said yes. I found a sponsor and "took the plunge."
I am somewhat shy and when Father told me I would be baptized during Mass, I was terrified. The small church didn't have a place where you could literally take a plunge (full immersion baptism) so he had me hold my head over the baptismal fount used for infant baptisms.
I remember the day and being one of pure joy. It has remained a source of joy to me to walk into that same little church, because my husband and I now make our home in the same small town, and recall the day when God called me to be one of his own little "lambs of God."

Spurred on by Love 3-13-2011

Snow covered mountains

I read a powerful statement today. Jesus is speaking to me and He says, "In the desert, the thought of you spurred me on."  --Catholic Spiritual Direction

The meditation, of course, is from the biblical story of Jesus' 40 days in the desert, a journey each of us makes during the season of Lent as well. The rest of the comment is that we are not to fear. It is because thoughts of us in our weakness and fears spurred Jesus on to victory over the temptations unleashed by Satan for our sakes. For me. For you.
How Jesus managed to fast for 40 days is something that is beyond my comprehension as I struggle to fast for a partial day. I really need to work on my fasting.
But isn't it a wonderful thought that Jesus is thinking of me when he is struggling to get through his fast? That as I think of him to help me conquer temptation, He also thought of me when he was in the desert. It is a humbling thought but also one of great love and inspires me to greater love and intimacy with my Lord.

More snow covered mountains

Thank you so very much my Lord and Master. Thank you for this day and for all the many blessings you have bestowed upon me. Each day I am trying to draw closer to you and to perfect myself so that I might linger in your love more and more. I so long to do your will in all things. Please help me Lord as I go through this Lenten season to see with your eyes and hear with your ears. To use my hands for your work.

Good evening my sweet child,

I so long for you to love me as I have loved you. In seeking Love, you will find the whole of heaven's host awaiting you and in finding that, know that we are all one in this wonderful endeavor we call Life. Each of us is joined by powerful bonds of love to the other and so create an indomitable force. Make no mistake, the victory has been won, but there are trials and tribulations ahead for all, believer and non-believer. You must stay close to me and be wrapped within the mantle of our heavenly mother to be shielded from the devastation. Focus more on me each day and you will find that you know what you need to know when you need to know it and not before. do not fear, my child, I will not abandon you. I love you.

Quake and Tsunami 3.11.2011

An owl looks downward

An earthquake registering 8.9 on the Richter scale pummeled Japan today and was followed by an even more devastating tsunami.

Lord, have mercy on the Japanese people as they struggle through this crisis.I offer up my sufferings and sacrifices for these people, Lord. Please use anything I can give to bless them and help them through this time of trouble.
 
My little worries and concerns don't seem so important at all in the light of such tragedy.
Lord, what is going on in this world these days? Are all these weather tragedies and massive animal deaths signs that the angels have been unleased to committ the havoc prophesied in the Book of Revelation?

Are you speaking through nature to call us all to a greater repentance and deeper communion with you? The folks in some places would attribute all these signs to global warming. My mind tends to think that it is a global warning to us, not warming. Repent, repent it seems to say in ever more devastating circumstances that we are faced with as a people.
Speak to me Lord.

My sweet one,

Keep your focus on Jesus, my Sacred Heart and the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Look towards becoming prepared for whatever may happen and be not afraid. I am with you in all and through all. You need not worry about what is going on in the world. Take care of what is going on in your corner of the world and pray for those afflicted by such devastating acts of nature. Yes, pray for them and offer sacrifices for their souls. Work on perfecting yourself. Be at peace, little one.  I love you.

Ash Wednesday, 2011

Snow blankets the frozen ground on Ash Wednesday

A scripture reading I was led to this day:
"This, rather is the fasting that I wish: releasing those bound unjustly, untying the thongs of the yoke; Setting free the oppressed, breaking every yoke; Sharing your bread with the hungry, sheltering the oppressed and the homeless; Clothing the naked when you see them and not turning your back on your own." Isaiah 58: 6-7

In fasting today, I had breakfast and then fasted throughout the day until after Mass and receiving ashes. Then I had dinner and didn't follow my fast any further than that. I essentially pigged out for most of the evening after dinner.
In seeking the Lord, I find that His version of fasting is different than I have been thinking, although I do think most people consider fasting to mean refraining from eating. The Lord's version of fasting, however, at least according to Isaiah is to do good deeds and help those in need.
My thoughts also turn this day to a conflict I am having with a fellow parishioner. We are having a disagreement regarding our web site. I do agree with her that we need guidelines for the site but it was how she presented it to me that is bothering me. She had been given a private revelation about something and I posted it on the site, which I should not have done. However, her reasoning was that because the private revelation might not stand up to ecclesiastical scrutiny, we should take it down and I agree. But then, she said that we could share the private revelation among members of our group and I am having a problem with that attitude.
I don't know if it is because she called me on the first posting or because it feels like we are sneaking around the Bishop and the authority of the Church. So, I need guidance with that, my Lord and King. What would you have me do, in true charitable fashion as You would handle the situation?

My sweet child,

It is good to have you back again in this medium. I truly delight in using your hands to spread my word. We must be ever more vigilant about it, though. So often, people looking for some type of inspiration or guidance may come seeking the wisdom I have for you and if you do not post it according to my will and schedule, it may not be here in time to benefit them. I know this has always been your problem...that is taking the time to post regularly, but please do try to post regularly. The discipline you are undertaking with the Consecration to the Immaculate Heart of the Blessed Virgin Mary, my Mother will help you with this, I hope. I, too, will help you as you continue to strive to daily work for me.

As for your other concern of this day, rest assured it is already handled. When you give to me each day and then trust that I have accepted your life, the things you have already done in this matter are what I would do, indeed are what I have done to remedy the situation. The particular ministry you have accepted, that of web site administrator is one you gave me before you even began. I will deal with issues you are concerned about. Trust me...I love you and am helping you in this ministry. Be not afraid of what may come, because I am with you in all. Go in peace, my sweet one. I love you.

A New Year Dawns, Jan. 1, 2011

Snow blankets the earth

The new year begins and I want to try to take time each day to offer up my talents to the Lord.
As I seek for ways in which to serve the Lord, perhaps I can also polish the skills as a writer and a photographer that He has blessed me with to share His love with and for others. I want to become a more regular writer, even though as I begin the New Year I will be traveling and will not have ready access to a computer or the internet.

This is usually a Holy Day of Obligation, a special feast day of Mary, Mother of God. What wonderful faith she had throughout the life of her Son. Her wonderful life continues in heaven as she to tries to turn our focus from ourselves and our fleeting time on this planet to her Son and His eternal love for each and every one of us.

Lord, please bless me with whatever I need this day to share your love with those whom I meet on my day's journey. Help me to know what words to use and to use those words wisely and calmly, reflecting your beauty and your understanding. When I am tempted to use words as weapons, help me to pause before lashing out at someone and to view that person and their situation with your love and compassion. Thank you for the life you have given me. Help me use it for Your Glory. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.


"I hold the year in My Hands--in trust for you. But I shall guide you one day at a time. Leave the rest with Me. You must not anticipate the gift by fears or thoughts of the days ahead. And for each day, I shall supply the wisdom and the strength."--Jan. 1 reading from the book "God Calling."

On the Cusp of a New Year, Dec. 31

"The Word of God became flesh and dwelt among us. To those who accepted him he gave the power to become the children of God" Jn 1:14a, 12a

A nice buck deer on my walking route

 Here it is, Lord, the end of the year. I have failed so often to live up to my expectations and I hope that you will forgive me for my failures. Please inspire me to greater accomplishments for your Glory. Help me to become a better person and a more obedient servant.
Guide me each day.
I give you thanks and praise for all the favors you have bestowed on me. Your goodness has preserved me until now. I offer you all my thoughts, all my words, all my actions, together will all the trials I may undergo today. Please animate them with your Divine Love that they might serve your greater glory. I make this morning offering in union with the Divine Intentions of our Lord Jesus Christ who offers himself daily in the sacrifice of the Mass and in union with Mary, his virgin Mother and our Mother. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord.

That is such a wonderful prayer, Lord. It's one I learned many years ago and I truly delight to give you each day. Sometimes I forget or do not take the time, and on those days, I generally suffer from the lack of preparation for our day's work. Give me work this day to do for you, My Lord and My King. 
Help me to do your will not only today but each day of the new year.

My Child,
Leave all your failures of the past year on the doorstep of the New Year. Do not carry the weight of those failures with you into the new year, but leave them with me, confident that I have dealt with each one of them. I have forgiven you for the failures and granted you the grace to carry on, despite the failure to do My Will always in all things. I love that you are inspired to do this and will grant you ever more and more grace to achieve your heart's desire. I am your heart's desire and I am delighted that you are pleased to recognize this, after many years of looking elsewhere for it. Go in peace, knowing that I love you and care for you. You are precious to me.
 

Last Day of Advent, 2010

Small cabin in wintry forest

"Salvation has to do with life overcoming death. It is a full life, not just cringing existence scrabbling bleakly among the rubble of fear and guilt.

This life is marked by freedom from enemies like bitterness, resentment, and past hurts. It is a life free from self love and self-centeredness. All this is yours because in his compassion, God has made his light to shine on you. And that is the light of Christ, who was born on Christmas Day."--The Word Among Us, Dec. 24 reflections

This is such a perfect answer to my woes of yesterday. I was being so selfish and self-centered, taking hurt where none was intended.
After I thought about it for awhile and went out and saw some people, I did email my son and tell him how wonderful I thought it that he had been blessed with so many generous and thoughtful gifts. It was kind of interesting because when I was out, I immediately began to feel better. I saw so many people and tried to smile and give them love in my heart, even though I didn't say it out loud. I did wish as many as possible a "Merry Christmas." So when I got back, I emailed my son and it was one-half snarky and one-half sincere. But at some point, the Lord took the snarkiness away and made it sincere.
It was as if He told me, "This is the best they can do." And I felt my bitterness and resentment just melt away. Thank you, Lord. That was a wonderful Christmas blessing. I eagerly await your coming.
Forgive my selfishness of yesterday and please pour out your many blessings on my son and his family; on all my kids and their families. Cleanse my heart of anything not pleasing to you so that it will be a fit dwelling place for You. Thank you, Lord.

Child,

You are overcoming those tendencies in you to take hurt or resentment or bitterness and let it ruin a very special time. Do away with all hurt in this matter. I love you beyond belief and will continue to love you. Open your heart to receive my many blessings and you will not be put to shame. You are precious to me and I love you very much. Pause today to remember my Coming.

Gifts for the Lord, Advent, 2010

Inside looking out at the snow

Lift up your heads and see; your redemption is near at hand.--The responsorial Psalm from Today's readings

Last night I was upset because of the "lack of quality gifts" that we received from one of my sons. It's a very unChrist-like response to this season of loving and giving, I know.
For some reason, this son and his family always seem to take but never to give...at least as generously as I think they should. So when I received the package of small gifts from his family, I was upset. They spend a lot of money on themselves and on their wants, but never seem to have any left over to share with their parents or siblings on my son's side of the family. I suspect the gifts given to his wife's side of the family are much better. So, I am feeling like not a lot of preparation went into their gift giving for our family.
It's not all about the gifts, I know that, and I was having so much trouble with this.I guess I still am having trouble with this, even though in the depths of my angst over this, the Lord gave me a very eye-opening and humbling view of my own paltry gifts to the Christ child.

At the beginning of Advent, I had told the Lord that I would make an effort to write daily, spending time in reflection and preparation of His coming. Well, I have obviously failed spectacularly at this and so my own gift to the Lord is as paltry and skimpy as the gifts given to us by our son and his family. There is a wonderful lesson in there for me, I know. I want to have the generosity of heart to accept the spirit of the gifts given by my son's family. The problem is that I don't think there was much spirit in it at all. I can say the same of my gift to the Lord, however. I am hoping against hope that the paltry offering I have for Him will somehow be transformed by Love into something wondrous and grand for Him, but before that can happen I need to find the gift of the spirit in my reaction to the gifts given by my son's family.
Yesterday, as I sat with my prayer partner in the church, I saw the Lord "scrubbing clean the dark places of my heart and soul in preparation for the coming of the Lord." That was before I opened the box of gifts from my son. Now I feel like I need another scrubbing.
Lord God, my King and my Savior, please forgive me these selfish feelings and bring me to the place where you want me to be...unselfish and giving and totally appreciative of all that You have done for us in sending Your beloved Son into the world that we might have life and have it to the full.
Lord, I just about blew it and sent my son a nasty email. Your angel stayed my hand, however, and encouraged me to send a more positive message instead. Thank you for that.
Also, please accept my paltry gift and grant me the grace to strive to give you my time in writing and reflection each day of the coming Christmas season, for starters. I'll try to make it better.
Lord, I do love you. Help me to love you more and more...as much as you love me. Also, please bless my son and his family with the true spirit of Christmas.

Sweet Child,

We do love you so very much. That is one reason why we showed you how your gifts stacked up in comparison to your son's gifts. It is the spirit of giving that matters...not what is given. You did not have the right spirit until you sent the P.S. to your son. We will use that simple message to bless you and your son and his family with such love that your heart will be scrubbed clean and you will receive the Lord in your heart this Christmas. Go in peace, my love, and continue your preparations for Christmas. We love you.

The Power of Love, Advent 2010

Rouse your power

And come to save us--Psalm 80:3

"It is Advent. He is coming, and we must be on the watch, learning anew how to use the power at the heart of the universe, the power of love. It is within us, awaiting to be roused." Fr. James Stephen Behrens, O.C.S.O.

Cabin hidden by snow covered trees

Yesterday I felt very strongly the power of love when I was so very disappointed in a friend. She had lied to me about something and I was hurt and angry and wrote an email expressing those feelings. Then the Lord took over and softened the blows I intended to strike against her, advising me to change a word here and there to make it more loving, less judgmental.
It was a very strong feeling. I heard His Voice recommending the changes in the letter, asking me to reflect His Love for her in the email.
I am easily hurt and tend to play the martyr when the occasion suits me and I have no doubt that I was doing the same when I initially wrote out my feelings. But then I asked the Lord for His input, asking him to help guide me in what I actually sent to my friend, making sure that His will was being done.
My friend had tried calling me several times and I let the answering machine take over. This is before she read the email and I think that she felt guilty about the lie before I even addressed it. She was almost desperate to contact me. I sent the email and then later returned her call, leaving a message because she was out.
When she did call back, she had not yet read my email or gotten my message...she was just trying again to establish contact with me. At first I wanted to be snotty towards her for payback to the way she had hurt me. But the Lord took over again and allowed me to be quiet. When my friend asked if I was angry, I told her I had sent an email laying out my thoughts and suggested she read it before we continue our conversation.
So she did and when she called me back she was contrite. Until she read my email she did not know that I knew she lied to me. I was at work when she called back, however, and couldn't talk.
So, we are going to get together today. I again pray for God's love to be in, with and through me as we discuss our friendship.

Bare teepee poles

This friend is a friend in Christ and He is the glue that holds our friendship together. If He is taken out of it, as she tried to do...ignoring Him and choosing the world instead of Him for a function we had planned to attend together, then there is probably no friendship. We have little in common but for Christ who makes us One in His love.

Lord, please guide me in my words and actions this day. Please let Your will be done in, with and through Christ.

Child,

I love you so very much. Rest in my love, ever confident that I will give you the words you need and the words your friend, our beloved friend, needs to hear. Do not hold self-pity or resentment or hurt in your heart. I have healed you. Go forth now to love your way though this day and know that I am with you, guiding and guarding your every step. Let's truly unleash the power of love in your life by loving our friend as truly as I love you.

Thank you Lord.

A December Ride-About, Dec. 7, 2010

Today my husband and I took a Ride-About...something similar to a walk about, but its done in a pick up truck. We had a glorious day for our adventure and the first thing we spotted along the way was a group of antelope.

A herd of antelope were watching us, wary but not too spooked.

We continued along the way, taking this two track road or that two track road, but looking for the main road because the two tracks were not headed in the direction hubby wanted to travel. Nor me, once I realized that I was the official gate opener. But, eventually we came to a power line, which has a road running along side it and it took us to the road on which we wanted to be.
As we were traveling along, I asked my dear husband to stop so I could practice my photography skills and he was very generous in this regard, He stopped whenever I asked so I could snap photos of whatever intrigued me.
The first of my photos was taken of antelope. Those magnificent creatures that can run at 60 mph for a good while.

The sun, snow and color of the rock caught my eye.

The next thing of interest we came upon was this incredible rock formation. I think the brightly shining sun and the snow both contributed in making this rock formation an interesting photo.

Two cow elk and a calf crossing over a ridge

A herd of elk with interstate traffic and mountains in the background

So, on we went and we were treated to a wonderful view scape all day long. It was a delightful day...hardly any wind and the temperature was in the low 40s, so it was comfortable. We saw probably about 200 elk. Most of them were too far away to catch with my camera, but I did manage to get a few photos. Here's one of three elk just about to cross over the top of a ridge. They were definitely spooky. All of the elk we saw today were keeping a wary eye towards us...they evidently knew where the roads were and just how close we should get to them before they bolted. There's a late hunting season still on-going in this area.

On we went, driving up roads we knew would dead-end at the ridge line, but taking the road just to see what hidden treasures might be found. Amazingly, we saw no rabbits or coyotes out today and both of us thought we should have seen plenty of both those species, but no luck.

A golden eagle on the hunt

As we passed under another rock formation, we saw these two golden eagles come swooping in and are they incredible birds.
Come to think of it, maybe that's why there were no rabbits out. Ha.

On one of the roads we traveled up, we did manage to get over the top of the ridge line...just to get stuck in a huge snowdrift at the top. Hubby spent some time shoveling us out and I took photos of another group of elk. In this photo, you can see the interstate in the distance with trucks traveling along the route. In the distance, a range of mountains.

This eagle soared above me showing off his beautiful markings.

After getting us unstuck, we turned around and came back the way we came in, although hubby told me that if I wasn't there, he would have tried making it through the drift and continuing on along the way we were headed. He deferred to my strong desire not to have to walk anywhere, an event that has happened more than once since we've been married. It was a wise decision. We managed to get back through the snowdrift, albeit with chains on the front wheels and got back to the main road. We could have spent a lot more time traveling up different little two track roads but these roads had been frozen when we came in and as we headed back, it was apparent that they were turning rapidly into a muddy mess, so we opted for home.

It was a fantastic day spent with my husband, just traveling around the country side on a sunny winter Advent day. I thank God for such an opportunity to share in this magnificent creation with which He has blessed us.
What a wonderful Advent blessing you bestowed on me today, Lord. How can I repay you for all your goodness to me? How is it even possible to repay One who can create such beauty and magnificence? 
My child,

 Share what you know of me..yes. Take photos and tell the stories of my blessings. I long to shower such blessings on all humankind. Tell them to pause and enjoy such beauty. My blessings are there for all and I yearn for each soul. Praise me and share my love with all.

The Father's Generosity, Advent weekday, Friday, Dec. 3

Thank you, Lord, for the generosity this day of the bidders in the auction. My husband's donation brought in $875 and he was pleased. Overall, the donations of many people and organizations raised over $9,000 in donations.
Lord, this Advent day, I thank you for the gift of your Son. If we are generous, it is because we learned it from you, our generous Father, who went so far as to give him most precious and holy son, Jesus Christ. As we were talking tonight during the auction, I realized that there were some things I would with hold from auction because those things are precious to me. Yet, you did not with hold the most precious thing,,,your son. Help me to be as generous and loving as you, Lord, my God.
And please forgive me if I have hurt anyone by my opinionated self. Let me fix that Lord and come to know how to deal with disagreements in philosophy without hurting anyone.
Let me also be fearless as the two beggars in today's Gospel were fearless, following behind you, asking to be cured, regardless of what anyone thought or even of reprisals from you. Let me be as fearless in proclaiming your love as they were.

The Sacred Heart of Jesus on our parish grounds

Sweet Child of Mine,

I love you! I love YOU!! I am the Lord and God of the Universe and I LOVE YOU! Do not fear anything. You are my precious concern. All is well.

Advent Wreath

This advent wreath is from the web blog of  Curt Jester.

Take Refuge in the Lord: Advent, Dec. 2, 2010

Snowfall in Winter

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,

for his mercy endures forever.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord

than to trust in man.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord 

than to trust in princes. -- from Psalm 118

Lord, I am trying to prepare for your coming but as usual, I don't seem to be making much progress. I am trying to focus on doing as you asked earlier and take you with me each day. i am also trying to remember to spend some time with you each morning before I go about my daily chores, and light my advent wreath to remind me of the season.
Please help me with my preparations so that you might feel welcome, in my home and in my heart when you come. Lord, I want to love you as much as you love me. Please show me how. Please teach me obedience and discipline. Help me to always focus on you.
Please forgive me for my past lapses and trespasses against those I love and those I do not love so much. Help me to see all as your children and to treat them as I would treat you.
Lord, like Mary, I give you my Yes! Yes! Yes!


Sweet Child of Mine,
I do love you so very much. Do not feat to love. Do not fear to do what I may ask of you. I am with you and I will give you whatever you need to gtet it done. Go forth bravely and rejoice for I am coming!

St. Andrew, Advent 2010, day 3

"Brothers and Sisters: If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10: 9,10

Shelter on the Island

Good Evening my Lord and my Savior,
I give you thanks and praise for all the blessings poured out on me this day. I especially thank you for St. Andrew, one of the Apostles who passed the Word down about Jesus. Because St. Andrew passed down his knowledge of You, I am able to be saved. St. Andrew also was the person who brought his brother, Simon Peter to You and saved him.
So thank you for the blessing of St. Andrew and all he did to share in Your Life and Glory.
Thank you  also for the blessing of catching the break in the water line before damage was done. As it was, we had a mess to clean up, but no real damage. Thank you, Lord for that.
It seems, Lord, that I accomplish so little these days. I want all my work to be done for you and I want to do great things for you, but I seem to barely get through my daily chores. How am I able to accomplish great things for you when I am just barely able to get through doing the things you have given me to do in my daily life? How can I do more for you?

My Child,
It is not great things I want done for me, it is your everyday things that I want done in, with and through me. I so cherished the small things in life when I lived on earth. Take joy in each thing you do and give it to me to be blessed in some way for someone and you are doing "great" things for me. You should read St. Therese's "Little Way" book someday. She loved me in all the little ways of her life and accomplished great things. So stop focusing on doing great things and take joy in doing the little things for me. You are precious to me and your everyday life is precious to me. Use it for me as I instruct you and let me deal with how "great" it is.