I am so saddened by my behavior and apologize to you for it. Even though I was raging about the incidents, I was really angry about my husband's drinking. I don't know why he allows himself to be so stupid and get so drunk every day. He did so good for so long and I get so truly angry with him when he is drunk. It was because of alcohol that both incidents happened and I wanted to scream and punch him for being so drunk and so stupid. Forgive me for that and grant me the grace to love him enough to do whatever your will for him is. I know you don't want him addicted to alcohol. Please help me to help him, Lord, whatever it takes.
On to brighter subjects. I so enjoyed the Our Lady of Guadalupe festivities last night. It was an eye opener to attend Mass that was primarily celebrated in a foreign language. I have always had the privilege of having it celebrated in the language I can understand. I did attend Mass several times in my childhood, before my conversion, and those Masses were in Latin, but once I was baptized, I have always attended English Masses. I know there is quite a furor among American churches to have it in Latin and the Holy Father has clarified the church's position on it, opening the way for Mass to be celebrated in Latin more often. While I could enjoy sometimes a Mass in Latin, I mostly feel and think that I participate more fully when I can understand the words being spoken. Some people are so adamant about this, Lord and the strength of their fervor about it stuns me. I don't know if I am missing out on something by not wanting the celebration to be held in Latin. How can this be such a stumbling block for peeople?Is it not worship whatever language it is celebrated in? And the same for music. Some of the things I have read are criticisms of music being sung and instruments used, etc. I have always thought that singing is worship and if that is the intent--to offer thanks and praise to you, it doesn't matter what the instrument or what songs are being sung. Am I wrong about these things, Lord?
What does Our Lady of Guadalupe think of this? The music by the Mariachi band was certainly festive and I know it must have gladdened her heart as we prepare more thoroughly for the coming of Jesus. Does the type of music really matter or the language?
My beloved one-
I am sorry that you allowed little things to so disturb your peace and that you got so angry about them. I know the cause of your anger is directed toward your husband's weakness and I hurt for you. Yet I say to you, judge not. You have your own sins and faults. Work on yourself before you try to change anyone else. Usually you will find that when you focus on eliminating the things in you that you need to fix, you will be less inclined to be disturbed by another's weaknesses and failings. I hear your anguish and know that I will do all in my power to help but also remember free will and know that nagging and berating someone for a character flaw or physical addiction is not going to help that person. Do not judge and do no harm. Pray about it and know that I will do the very best for the both of you. Keep on praying for him and rest in my love when you are tempted to violence in this matter. It is something you need to work on and once you have overcome the tendency to judge and scold, you will have power to effect change.
Worship is from the heart and that is the language I hear--the heart's song and words. If your intent is to worship me, then regardless of the language or the music, it will be worship. I am the author of all language and so do not let these matters deter you from the worship of me deep within your heart. As for music, I love the sound of my people lifting up their hearts and voices to me in prayer, praise and song. Remember that worship should be respectful and that God should be the center and then forget any other controversies. If it comes from the heart it is genuine worship and that is what I long for more than anything else. The formality of religious expressions must have heart or it is empty and meaningless, yet structure is also required. Continue to speak with me in your heart and rejoice that I am there, deep within your heart and soul and living in the hearthome of love we have created in you. It is there that you need to look when things get tough and you lose your peace. It is there that the songs of worship must spring forth from...as naturally as light from a candle. Do not get caught up in these bickering contests about which song I like better.
My child I love you and forgive you your anger of this night. Continue to seek to be more obedient and loving and I will bless your efforts. Know that I am with you in all things and will not abandon you. You are precious to me and I cherish you. Go in peace and love.
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