Spring storm

Awakening today, the ground was covered with nearly a foot of new snow. Spring storms are delightfully big and wet, even though they often cause damage. My husband, who plows snow in the winter months, doesn't think they are as cool as I do.
I have just finished reading the biography of Mother Angelica, a woman whose faith amazes me as does her instantaneous obedience. If she hears you telling her to do something, Lord, she just starts doing it.
How I wish I could be like her in that regard! I hear you speaking to me, Lord and I immediately start to tell you all the reasons I cannot do what you are asking of me. I very often talk myself out of believing that it is really you who have asked it of me--convincing myself that I have imagined it. Where does the kind of faith that Mother Angelica has come from? Does it come from you? If you want me to be that obedient to your commands, may I ask for the kind of faith and belief that your beloved Mother Angelica has?
An even more frightening question is have you given it to me and I still don't do as you ask? Is there hope for such a person? Another question is what would you ask of me were you to gift me with that kind of faith and belief?
I don't know that I have it in me to confront Church hierarchy as she did. Wow. Having had my own difficulties with my parish priest, I cannot imagine going up against the Conference of Bishops or building anything "on faith that the money will come in." Perhaps that is why you don't ask such things of me.
Forgive me for being such a disappointment to you, my Lord. I continually don't do as you ask or do as you don't want me to. Please help me to become more like Mother Angelica in the things that I can do for you.

Oh my love--
Do you still not realize how much I love you for who you are? I do not expect you to do the same things that I asked of Mother Angelica. You are right that I do expect you to obey me when I ask you to do something for me and you do hear me asking. You are learning obedience and practicing faith. That is how you will grow to be a more faith filled person, living and doing my will. It is not something that will just come at the drop of a hat for you. It may be like that for some of my children, but not for you. I give my children what suits them best--according to who they are. It is one of the wonders of the Body of Christ. All are different and have different gifts, but all are still one with me. You have much to learn, but you are learning it and making progress. Continue on in my love. I am with you to guard you and guide you in living my will. And you will come to love it. Be at peace. Be inspired by stories of my other children, not threatened by them.
As we continue our desert walk and temptation time this Lent, know that I am leading you where I would have you go. Trust me and know that all is well. I love you.