A Bad Day

I had a monumentally bad day today. For most of the day, I was angry at my co-workers and felt threatened by every thing. My husband has been drinking again, heavily and I just had a rotten attitude today.

I don't know what I am supposed to be doing anymore, Lord. When I had a purpose, loving someone--truly loving them as you define love--I felt I had direction and at least knew what I was doing. But because you have told me that I no longer need to do that, I don't know what good I am doing. I still see this person on a regular basis, and love him in a general kind of way, but there is no depth of feeling or sense of mission like I had before. I have been very threatened by the person who is now in his life to take care of him, even though I prayed for it and you granted my prayers. And there is this Carmelite thing which I don't seem to be doing that well.
Do you have a purpose for me now, my Friend and my King? If not, you can take me home with you. I sometimes envision how it will be when you come get me and I sometimes cannot stand the wait.
I need to focus more on you and what you want of me than on my own sorry state of mind and heart. Please heal the hurts I inflicted today and had inflicted on me today. Thank you for your many blessings, especially the blessing of mercy and forgiveness for all my failures to accomplish what you would have me do, even if I am not sure what that is. I'm pretty certain that with an attitude like I had today, I wasn't doing what you wanted me to be doing.

JC, my sweet one--
I am sorry you had a difficult day. Know that for every bad day you have, I am right there beside you, helping you to carry the burden of the day's cross. You are not alone, even if it sometimes feels as if the whole world is against you. Do not fear any changes that may come about because of our renewed friendship. You are mine and are coming with me on this Lenten journey. I make the plans and preparations for the journey. I take all into consideration when I ask such a thing of my friends. I will help you with whatever needs you have when you need the help. Did you not know that when I asked to you read Scripture? I selected the reading especially for you so you would know I am with you and will be there when you need me. Just call on me-- out loud or in the silence of your heart. I care not which it is, but know and be sure that I will give you the help you need.
Try to remember not to judge others. Yes, they caused you grief today, but it is still not your job to judge them. That is my job. Your job and your cross is to love them and help them as you perceive their needs.
Be at peace and know that I am with you and for you. I am for you as I am your friend and defender. Threats against you will be dealt with by me. Do not fear. I am yours as you are mine. Mine to care for and love. I cherish you and am guiding you where I want you to go. Do not fret that you do not see the final destination--the goal. Just trust me and go where I lead you each day.

Lord--
Thank you for loving me in such a way. You are wonderful to me. Thank you for taking such good care of me. Forgive me for not always trusting you the way I should.