2nd Wednesday of Advent, 2016

Uplifted rock formation

Bearing Our Burdens 

"Jesus said to the crowds: "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." ~ Matthew 11:28-30

It has been some years now since I first heard an explanation of this Gospel verse from a priest. I struggled with the "take my yoke upon you...for my yoke is easy and my burden is light" portion of the verse for several reasons. The first being that I didn't want to take any one's yoke upon myself, because I was struggling with enough at the time as it already was...I didn't need to add an additional weight of someone's burden to my already over-burdened life, even if it was the Lord who was asking.

How I now shudder to think that I was once so shallow and mean-spirited and selfish. My spiritual director relieved me by asking me if I had ever seen oxen yoked together pulling a heavy weight. Of course, I replied in the affirmative. He went on to explain to me that neither of the oxen could pull such a weight by themselves, but that by pulling together, it made the burden lighter on both of them.
That was something I had never considered, even though I had been married for a number of years and had worked with my spouse to accomplish some things, it never dawned on me that we had been "yoked together" so that we could actually get the job done. Nor had I ever applied it to the Lord, oddly enough.

As I have since learned, when the Lord yokes Himself to me, it is for my benefit and not to make His burden lighter, as I had erroneously thought. He is actually doing me a favor by yoking His Divine Self to my poor and piteous human self and pulling with me through the difficulty. It is an astounding thought...that He would want to...and that I could be so foolish as to not want to be yoked together with the Lord of the Universe. Wow. 

Fortunately, with good spiritual direction, I was able to view that Scripture in the proper light and it opened for me a whole new way of viewing Scripture and the Lord's call in my life.That's the "and learn from me" portion of this Gospel verse. Because I was able to correctly understand this one verse, it opened for me a way to understand better (not something that comes all at once, but a journey of learning) scripture as God meant it to be. And now that I am studying Lectio Divina I understand that God's Word is Him actually speaking to me. To me, personally. Again, Wow. 

 It is still a little intimidating to think that He wants to be yoked to all that burdens me, as I sit and consider all that I have to do and all that is left undone. And that He loves me deeply enough and dearly enough to yoke Himself to me. For me and for my benefit. It's so amazing and I am so in love with you, Lord.

Thank you for all your many blessings and for choosing to yoke yourself to me that I might be able to bear my burdens with ease.

You must learn to accept all that you hear me speaking in the depths of your heart as our Heart to Heart Conversation. Yes, I use my Scripture to begin the conversation, but as we journey along, you must act on the sure knowledge that what you hear in the depths of your heart is actually me speaking to you. It will change your life, as you know from past glimpses of this truth.
My child, I do love you beyond imagining. Fear not. All is well.

Thank you, my Lord! 

2nd Advent Tuesday

A picture of a bird i  my yard this morming.

This was a day in which I didn't get anything done except to take the picture and get it posted.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

2nd Monday of Advent, 2016

"A highway will be there called the holy way;

No one unclean may pass over it nor fools go astray on it." ~Isaiah 38:8

Does this mean, Lord, that fools such as I will not wander off the holy way and become lost in sin once more?

Or does it mean that no one who is foolish will stray onto the holy way unintentionally?

I was about to ask if there was a difference, but of course there is. While I may be foolish, I am most decidedly yours, my Lord, and you would not allow me to go astray.

While there may be other fools who would seek to wander along the holy way, just their seeking it out would be enough for you to give them another chance to journey along the holy way towards everlasting love with you. 

In the same way, fools who do not wish for eternal love and companionship with you would not be able to find the holy way accidentally. Somehow, they would be blocked from finding it, unless the desire for You were a sincere one.

Oh, I praise you, my Lord and my God. You are so wonderful in how you have revealed Yourself to simple folks like me. I pray to always be so simple and true.

My sweet child, I delight in sharing my life with you to the absolute fullest. I am here to guide you along the Holy Way. I AM the Holy Way. You are not here by accident. I want you here and I want to journey with you in everything you think, do and say,  Showing you more and more of the holy life.

Soon you will realize just how perfect this is and how joyously wonderful.

Oh, thank you, my Lord any my God for your many blessings poured out on me and my loved  ones. I just realized how trustless my agonized prayers for my daughter and granddaughter are. If I believe in your love for me, then I must also believe and trust that you will guide them onto the Holy Way, from whence they will not go astray.

Oh, thank you, my wonderful Lord. My King. My Friend.

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2nd Sunday of Advent, 2016

"O Lord, you have searched me and known me!You know when I sit down and when I rise up;you discern my thoughts from afar.You search out my path and my lying down,and are acquainted with all my ways.Even before a word is on my tongue,behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.You beset me behind and before,and lay your hand upon me.Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;it is high, I cannot attain it."

This is the Scripture passage I am meditating upon in my study and practice of Lectio Divina.

Lord, that you know me so well..every thought and every move I make and still love me is humbling. That you are associated with those things, because I am yours, is even more humbling because they are not worthy.

And that our Mother is also associated with the lowest thing I do or say is something that I can be ashamed  of, when my motives are impure.

Yet, that knowledge is "too wonderful, too high," according to the Psalmist. 

It is the knowledge that I am not worthy and am small and mean that keeps me from conversing with you in our heart of hearts. Or keeps me from believing it is you that I am conversing with. It is easier to think I am talking to myself or to someone else, rather than you.

Don't be afraid little one. I love you. I forgive you. Yet, I want you to begin to live this truth deeply for it is the union with me that will enable  you to be who you are meant to be.

Go in peace, sweet child. We will learn to walk with one another. You will learn to have the faith that will enable you to hear and do my commands. 

Thank you, my Lord. I love you. 

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First Saturday of Lent, 2016

"Then he summoned his twelve disciples and gave them authority  over unclean spirits to drive them out and to cure every disease and every illness.

As you go, make this proclamation: 'The kingdom of heaven is at hand.' Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, drive out demons. Without cost you have received, without cost you are to give." ~ Matthew 10: 1, 5-8.

Today's Gospel reading is the one that jumped out at me as I was reading it. In seeking to draw closer to God, I have been studying the ancient Christian method of praying lectio divina. 

As I meditate and study this, I wonder exactly how you gave the Apostles your power. Did you bless them by laying hands on them? Or did you just tell them they had the power?

What heady joy they must have felt when curing illness or driving out demons! And it was to be told to all whom they helped  that the kingdom of heaven is at hand. 

This, then, the power over the dysfunctions of our world is the Kingdom of Heaven. It was available to them while they were living in this world. 

It is available to us, now.

Why then, does illness and disease, demon possession still haunt our world? The Gospel has been preached throughout the world. But, somehow, the power has been lost. Surely, you didn't intend the power to fade with the deaths of the Apostles?

No, of course not, my Child. I want all of my disciples to give what they have received. Do you now understand that you have been given power to cure illness and disease, drive out demons? Tell others the good news of the Kingdom? And to do it without cost.

I want you go be a powerful force for good in my world. Do you accept this gift?

Yes, Lord, I do accept. 

Then go forth in faith, knowing that I am with you. Be not afraid, my little child. I love you. 

 

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First Friday of Advent, 2016

Faith

"Let it be done for you according to your faith. And their eyes were opened. Jesus warned them sternly--see that no one knows about this." Matthew 9: 29-30

The gift of faith: precious and  powerful,  able to grant sight to the two blind  men. Yet, fragile too. Easily dimmed by the darkness of doubts or why else would you, Jesus, grant their deepest desire "according to your faith."

How often do you perform miracles because "your faith has saved you?"

What a wondrous gift and yet so few dare to open it to the fullest potential. 

Lord, grant me faith the size of a mustard seed and the courage to use it.

 

 

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First Advent Thursday

Losing Angelina 

I have lost a granddaughter, my sweet Angelina. She lives across the country with her mother, my husband's estranged first wife.

We have not heard from her for some months and so I texted her today to inquire about what she wants for Christmas.

I think her mother intercepted the message, however, as she has in the past. She said she just wants money so she can buy what she wants. Fair enough.

I told her what I want..a letter and some photos. And she is too busy to do that and cannot afford to print pictures.

So, I gave her my blessings and prayers and wished her a Merry Christmas.

And I will not be sending any money to her this Christmas. 

In years past, I would have stewed and fretted about such an apparent breach. But this time I realize there is no way to combat Angelina's mother other than via prayer. She has always been greedy and is either teaching her daughter such tricks or isn't even allowing Angelina to see the texts. 

Either way, I don't think I am obliged  to put up with such disrespect. Nor am I obliged to send Christmas money just because Angelina is my granddaughter.

Ah, Lord. I do not think this pleases you and I would very much like to please you. Forgive me for any bad decisions I am making in this matter.

I do ask that you bless Angelina and her mother. Pour out your blessings of love and grace upon Angelina and her mother.

And keep me from spiritual smugness.

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Nov. 30th, Feast of St. Andrew

Today we begin the beautiful Christmas Anticipation Prayer which is prayed 15 times per day from now til Christmas. 

"Hail and blessed be the hour and the moment in which the Son of God was born of the most pure Virgin Mary at midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold. In that hour, vouchsafe, I beseech thee my Lord to hear my prayer and grant my desires (mention prayer request) through the merits of your Son Jesus Christ and His Blessed Mother."

I can't remember exactly what I prayed for last year, but I suspect it was similar to what I prayed for today..salvation for my husband, children and grandchildren. And what I will pray for each day as we prepare for Your coming.

Last year, I think I prayed for a special blessing for my daughter because we had just finished the Thanksgiving family party for my dad. At that time, I once again felt my daughter's pain over something not right with her marriage. Her husband's neglect and disinterest of her was so evident that I am sure I prayed for a solution.

Months later, when she filed for divorce because of his infidelity, I knew she had been suffering for quite some time.

This year, I have just spent time with her and my granddaughter and I think my daughter is drinking too heavily. She is also looking for love on a dating site.

I pray that she will find Your love, my Lord. I hope she can find You in her loneliness. My prayers are that she answers Your call to her as she looks for love.

This year, I write about it so I can look back and know your love for me in answering my prayers and granting my desires, as I suspect you did last year, even though it meant a painful divorce for my beautiful daughter.

But, I don't know if she is strong enough to withstand the allures of worldly concerns.

So, I give her to you and to Blessed Mother.

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First Tuesday, Advent 2016

Today has been one of those days when worldly things seem to get in the way of prayer, meditation, conversation with God.

Doctors visit, trip to visit mother-in-law, grocery shopping  dinner. The day just seemed to slip away without my prayer time.

And I  just lost interest in my routine of prayers, even though those prayers and the ritual of spending time with the Lord is what has kept me safe and sane all these many years.

I read a new prayer today called The Set Aside Prayer. It goes like this:

"God, please help me set aside everything I think I know about  myself, this padsage and you, so I may have a new experience of these things."

Amen. I need  to set all aside that God can teach me about  myself and Himself and what He wants from me.

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First Monday of Advent 2016

Shadow creeps over the mountains as light fades

A New Beginning

"For over all, the Lord's glory will be shelter and protection: shade from the parching heat of day, refuge and cover from storm and rain."~ Isaiah 4:6

The start of Advent, coming as it does in the darkest part of the year, would seem an odd time to think of a new beginning.

At least, for non-Christians. 

Yet, it is the time when hope is brought forth from the darkness to shine brightly in our lives as we prepare for our Lord's coming.

The Lord promises us protection, from the natural elements that threaten us, as well as from evil that stalks around us, seeking our ruin.

How Blessed we are, to have the protection of the Lord of the universe as we journey ever closer to Him, waiting and watchful for the birth of our Savior in the deepest cold of winter's night.

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Clouds of Unknowing

"As the sun was about to set, a trance fell upon Abram, and a deep, terrifying darkness enveloped him."~ Genesis 15:12

"While he was still speaking, a cloud came and cast a shadow over them, and they became frightened when they entered the cloud."~ Luke 9:34

These two passages from today's Scripture readings both spoke to me.

In both passages, the people are enveloped by a cloud..in Abram's case a dark and terrifying one.
In the Gospel reading from Luke, a shadow is cast by the cloud, but it still frightens the Apostles Peter, James and John when they entered it.

These are all men used to working outdoors. Clouds and the darkness of storm clouds were not unfamiliar to them. Yet they were all frightened or terrified. Why?

Clearly, all of them recognized something supernatural about these particular clouds.

They recognized the presence of God. And it was frightening, even terrifying.

Putting myself on the Mount of the Transfiguration, I can sympathize with the Apostles.
Not only was Jesus there and speaking with Moses and Elijah, who were both long from this world and a voice from within the cloud was speaking to them.

They are imbued with a sensible "fear of the Lord, " I think, under those circumstances.

Abram, too, knew that the powerful Presence he sensed in the darkness that was emveloping him was God and he also had a respectable fear of the Lord.

Both moments were mountain top experiences. Moments that "sealed the deal," essentially. Moments of euphoria and covenant that they could look back upon and remind themselves that they had personal experiences with the God of the Universe.

And that He loved and cared for them and is faithful, even when they are not. Even when they are fearful and unknowing.

Praise You,  almighty God! Glory and praise to you.

Thank you, Lord!

Gluttony and Sloth

Gluttony and sloth. Those were the words that came to me when I asked the Lord for the root causes of my spiritual failures.

Two of the biggies, in terms of moral failings and I have allowed them both to overtake my life.

And even when it came to me that those were my sins, mortal sins that are endangering the health and well being of my heart and soul, I could do nothing about fixing them.
I am in the same place as people I know and love who are addicted to drugs or alcohol.

~That's because, my dear one, you can do nothing apart from me and these things are keeping you separate from me.~
So how do I break out of this rut? How do I actually accomplish what you want me to accomplish when I spend every moment doing things that I want to do?

Granted, I tell myself that I am doing my prayers or my spiritual readings in an attempt to justify those actions.

I have no justification for the amount of television and computer web sites I gluttonously consume while my home and work duties go undone.

That's the sloth part.
Oh, my Jesus. Blessed Mother, Holy Spirit, God the Father, St. Paul, Guardian Angel, St. Joseph and all the saints whom I love: Please help me.

Show me how to surrender to Your most holy and perfect will for my life. Then, please grant to me the fortitude, wisdom and strength to DO YOUR WILL.

God Almighty, Please forgive me for my disobedience, judgemental attitude and pride.

You have let me do what I want and I have deceived myself into thinking that there are no consequences.

But there are consequences, not the least of which is that the filth piles up in my heart, soul and home.

Oh, Blessed Mother! Please help me to clean house so that I am a fit abode for the Lord.

~Do not fear, my child. Over and over, I tell you not to fear. Yes, seek my mercy and love. Ask me for whatever you will and it will be granted, according to the Father's will.~

Oh, thank you, my Lord and my God. I ask for nothing but Your will to be done in my life.
Help me to do what YOU want.

I sometimes catch a glimpse of myself in a reflection and wonder who that ugly and hideous person is..what has become of the beauty I have consider myself to be? How did I become so prideful in my physical attributes? Or in thinking myself so smart?

Oh, Lord. Help me. I truly give it all to you, through Blessed Mother. I don't know what or if there is anything I can do for you at this point, but I offer it anyway. The sad and pathetic person I see reflected back at myself is all I have to offer.

~Tomorrow, go to Mass. Keep holy the Sabbath. Praise Me for all things in your life. Give me thanks and praise. Do not fear. I love you.

Surrendering

"Come to me with all your weaknesses; physical, emotional and spiritual. Rest in the comfort of my presence,  remembering that nothing is impossible for me." ~ Feb. 15th meditation in "Jesus Calling," by Sarah Young

I keep struggling with the same weakness and don't seem to be able to make any progress, despite my "alleged" determination to make progress.

Alleged is in scare quotes because the level of determination on my part varies greatly, depending on my comfort level with any sacrifice that might be required.

So, when I read a meditation like the one quoted above, I wonder if I am going about it all wrong? How do I surrender those areas of most concern to me?

Those areas that I want to be good at but am clearly not?
I think I have surrendered them, but when I realize how little progress I am making, I clearly have not relinquished control.

Part of the reason is that I want those areas of my life to be better before I let  God take control, I guess.

For some reason, these weaknesses seem so petty that I am sure God doesn't want to be bothered with them.

Yet, if He wants all of me, it should include those deepest weaknesses, shouldn't it?

Or perhaps, in reading Ephesians 3:20-21, it is a failure of imagination on my part to be able to grasp what God desires of me and for me.
Lord, my God and Savior. Please help me. You know what I need. You know my deepest failures and embarrassments. You know my desires, which maybe are not your desires for me. Please show me what you desire for me and then help me to get there.
Thank you.

Dying to self

"Because he clings to me, I will deliver him." ~ Psalm 91:14

Today is the feast of St. Valentine, a third century saint who was martyred for trying to convert people to Christ.
He was willing to die, literally, if it meant that one person might come to know the mighty and all encompassing love of Christ.
In our day, the meaning of such sacrifice has been largely forgotten; replaced by boxes of chocolate and flowers, or dinner at an expensive restaurant, with nary a mention of Christ or His deep and true love for each of us.
Don't misunderstand me here: I love the flowers that my husband purchases for me on Valentines Day. They are a gift from the man who has chosen to spend his life with me and who overlooks so many of my faults.
I see Christ in him, Christ choosing to speak to me through the actions of my husband.
Yet, there is nothing in such actions of the kind of self sacrificing love exhibited by St. Valentine. Or by Christ.
While we love one another deeply, we have much to learn of true love and the freedom dying to self brings.
Lord, help me to do a better job of truly loving those whom you have given me to love. Lord, let me cling to you that you might save me.

The Jesus Question

Knarly Tree

"Then the Lord will guide you always and give you plenty even on the parched land.
He will renew your strength, and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring whose water never fails." ~ Isaiah 58:11

The Jesus question is the one that Jesus asks of all his disciples, "Who do you say that I am?"

And it is one that each of us must answer ourselves. The answer of who Jesus is to me is a question that only I can answer for myself.

I guess that is probably true of all  our relationships with others. Who a friend is to me may be different than who a friend is to another person, even though both of us may deem that person a friend. Because how we interact with our friends is a deeply personal thing.

In order to find out who Jesus is to me, I had to stop everything I was doing...all the readings and writings from others whom I consider to be wiser or better informed about Jesus. I had to sit quietly and just listen to the "small still voice within" that is Jesus to me.

Yes, Jesus is my Lord and my friend. He is the small, still quiet voice within my heart telling me what I should do in any given situation, but not demanding it of me. Just advising me that it might be a better course of action to do this rather than that. The problem I have is one that I am sure everyone also has...that of quieting the many voices in our lives to listen to the quiet voice of our Lord and Friend.

I find that I have known Him deep inside of my heart for many years..since He first called me to "come, follow me." I find that I have also ignored Him on far too many occasions. But that He still considers me to be lovable and valuable. I pray that I might become the kind of friend to Him that He has always been to me...someone whom I can count on when the "chips are down," as we say.

I will need His mercy and love to be that kind of friend to Him. In order to be at His "beck and call" I will need to be more disciplined so that I listen earnestly for His voice, so that I do not find excuses to put off what He is asking of me. I need much, my Lord and my God, my Friend.

Will You help me to become the kind of friend to You that You have always been to me? Will You help me to become one of Your most loyal and dedicated servants, one that You can call on "when the chips are down?

In answer to those questions, I was inspired to read again the Mass readings for today and the verse from Isaiah above spoke to my heart...the Lord spoke to me through His living Word, written for our edification that we might always find Him. So, I find that He not only speaks to me deep inside my heart, but also through His written Word, which makes sense because He is the Word. It tells me not to limit how or when I might hear him speaking to me..that I might find it in any number of ways.

What a blessing to be loved by such a generous, merciful and loving God. Thank you, Lord, for loving me and for calling me to be One with you and for forgiving me for all my failures of love, listening and life. Please help me to do better this day.

Our Lady of Lourdes

I read an interesting meditation on this special day when we honor Mary as Our Lady of Lourdes.
It was tied to today's first reading from the book of Deuteronomy where Moses urges his brethren and children to "Choose life...by loving the Lord, your God, heeding his voice and holding fast to him."
The author of the meditation, Sr. Bridget Haase, O.S.U. concludes that Mary did all three of those things: she loved God, surrendered to His voice and clung tightly to Him from His birth in a manger to His death on the cross.
Oh, my Lord and God. Please help me to love you beyond telling, listen to your voice and hold fast to you as we journey into the desert this Lent.

Finding Faith

"If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." ~ Matthew 17:20

In stepping out in faith on this Lenten journey into the desert, I ask You, my Lord and my God, to give me this tremendous gift of faith that I might move mountains.

At this point in time, I want to move the mountains of neglected work in my life.

But, I also envision myself doing great works in, with and through You for Your glory.
I realize that I have a great distance to travel to get to the point where I am able to accomplish such mighty works as I envision, but I also know it's not me who will accomplish these deeds, but You. You who can take my yielded will and do great things.

Help me, my God, to have the faith necessary to trust in You and Your plan for me and for this world. Please give me the gift of faith.

I am a nobody. I know this fact. So, I surrender my nothingness to you that I might become a useful tool with which You will accomplish Your will.

Thank you for Your wonderful generosity and mercy in granting me one more chance, in spite of all the times I have failed You.

Thank you for the gift of Your Blessed Mother who shows me the way to become a mighty saint who will accomplish much in, with and through You for Your great glory.

Thank you for the gift of the angels and saints You have allowed to accompany me into the desert.

I will not fear, wherever You may lead. Thank you for the grace to begin the journey.

Winter Beauty

A Lost Moment in Time

A small statement in the church bulletin on All Saints Day caught my attention. It said that St. Paul didn't spend all his time doing religious or spiritual things.
Rather, he simply listened for the voice of God, did what he was commanded to do and incorporated that into his every day life. I can do that, I thought.
My Sunday and Monday were spent in the joyous ecstasy of knowing God's will for me and talking almost continuously to God from the heart. Or, as He has told me in the past, in having a real heart to heart conversation.
It was an exquisite couple of days, those moments when you absolutely positively KNOW that God is God and loves you on a deeply personal level. It is a priceless consolation and a time to be cherished.
However sweet those days are, they cannot be sustained else we would die of ecstasy.  I spent the next two days trying to hold onto the sweet memory of what had been revealed to me during those heart to heart conversations.
Still a joyous time, but more grounded. I didn't yet have the opportunity to put into practice the things I had heard.
On Wednesday evening, I received what I considered to be a command from God for the next day.  It was simple, yet not something I would do on an ordinary weekday.
I was determined to obey, however, because I was sure it was something God was asking me to do. It was to wear a certain outfit that I would normally consider too nice for just an ordinary weekday.
When I woke up on Thursday morning, however, I was distracted. I couldn't/didn't focus my prayers on Christ. I was focused on myself.  I did wear what the Lord had asked me to wear. Because He had asked it of me,  I was waiting for something special to happen. I thought I would be meeting someone whom the Lord wanted me to meet and that "something big" would happen.
So I was giddy, somewhat silly,  distracted and not ready for the big moment when it actually happened.
Or rather, I should honestly say, in the moment when I heard God's command to me:
"Smile and say hello," to a person, I lost the moment.

I panicked and found an escape route so that I wouldn't make eye contact with the person and neither smiled nor said hello.
Forgive me, Lord, for not obeying your simple command to me. It is a moment that is lost and cannot be found again.
I pray that it was a lesson God wanted to teach me and not something that will cause the person to lose faith or their soul.
It was such a simple command and I failed to do it. Forgive me, my Lord, for failing to obey your simple command to me.
There are many lessons to be found in this experience. I pray that I will have a future opportunity to obey and actually DO what God asks of me.
1) God's commands are often the really simple, ordinary things He wants us to do in our everyday life, like just smiling at someone and saying hello.
2) We must stay focused on Christ in order to do what He asks of us in a way that will be beneficial to others and to ourselves.
3) The true joys of life are found in obedience to God's commands to us.
4) While we may be called upon to do "something big" for God, we should be prepared to do the little things well on a daily basis. Those little things might turn out to be "something big."
5) Once the moment is gone, it's truly gone. You may have an opportunity to act again or you may not. Be prepared for the moment when you are called.
I shudder to think of the consequences of how I  have failed my God when I panicked and lost the moment of action, of obedience in doing God's will.
I pray that it was a lesson time;  when He was showing me that any action, when done in His will, can be a "something big" moment. And that by not doing what I was commanded, I pray I didn't cause someone to lose faith.
I pray that I will have another opportunity to smile and say hello to someone with whom the Lord wants me to speak.
Thank you, my Lord and my God for all your blessings. Forgive me for my failures and please don't give up on me. Please give me another opportunity to do what you command of me.

Fall Beauty

The Pope's Visit to the U.S.

Pope Frances has just completed speaking to the United Nations. He addressed the U.S. Congress yesterday and has made other speeches as well.

I am tired of hearing how the Pope pushes a left wing agenda. He has articulated Catholic positions.

He asked the Bishops to seek to heal divisions and in leading by example, he wasn't divisive in his addresses or harsh or "in your face."

Because of this, many pundits and commentators are calling him a Marxist or the Anti-pope or other nonsensical things. He's the leader of the Catholic Church and advocates for life, in all stages; for the poor, for humane treatment of immigrants; for the abolition of the death penalty and for good stewardship of planet Earth.

His speech at the U.N. was more explicit in articulating Catholic positions than his speech to the U.S. Congress, but both managed to get his point across. Yes, some of those positions agree with the American political left. Some of them also agree with the American political right.

But, all of them are Catholic positions and I wish people would quit disparaging our Pontiff. His positions are very similar to those Christ might have taken were He to address such august bodies.

Yes, there were times when Christ railed against things He didn't like. The over-turning of the money changers tables in the temple comes to mind. But, more often than not, Christ was kind, loving and merciful. He showed His love by healing and feeding people, not by offending them.
There were many times when Christ could have taken offense, such as the time when he wasn't offered water to bathe his feet and a woman of ill-repute washed them with her tears and dried them with her hair. Did Christ get all huffy and puffy about it? No, He took the opportunity to teach Simon about God's love and mercy.

Our Pontiff is using his time in America to show a way past the ugly, partisan divide that has paralyzed our leaders and inflicted our daily lives with strife and tension. Is Pope Frances perfect? No. He doesn't claim to be. Instead he claims to be a sinner in need of forgiveness.

I keep thinking about Jesus and  Simon Peter when He gave Him the keys to the Kingdom. Jesus knew Peter wasn't a perfect person and yet, He still trusted Peter to lead the young church. And that trust has accompanied each person who has been Pope for the history of the church.

In other words, Christ knows what He is doing. Through the Holy Spirit acting in, with and through the College of Cardinals, Christ selected another successor to Peter, upon whom He built His church and "the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it."

I can understand that some might not trust Pope Frances. I can understand that some might view the Pope's ideology through the lens of their own and find it wanting. But what I cannot understand is that Catholics of all stripes do not trust in Christ. After all, it's His Church and He has promised that it will endure. So, why not trust Him?

Into the Ark

"As it was in the day of Noah, so it will be in the days of the Son of Man; they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage up to the day that Noah entered the ark, and the flood came and destroyed them all." ~ Luke 17: 26-27.

Well into the fourth week of Easter and almost into May, I realized that now is the time to "pack up" and move into the new Ark of the Covenant.
The world spins more out of control on a daily basis and we children of God must prepare ourselves for the epoch "flood" about to deluge the world.
Of course, I am not speaking of a water flood, but of a last and terrible onslaught of evil that is about to break upon us all.
As I write this:
1) Economic indicators are grim because of the debt load of virtually every nation.
2)Russia, China and Iran grow increasingly aggressive. The Chinese are building a base on some islands as a precursor to a battle with Japan; Russian military taunt other nations; Iran sits at the table talking peace but readies itself for war and intercepts ships in international waters. The U.S. does nothing.
3) The persecution of Christians grows daily with the onslaught by LGBT groups intent on forcing their way of "life" on everyone.
4)The education of our children has been co-opted by those with agendas far different than what many parents feel is appropriate.
5) Racial instigators urge altercations, especially with law enforcement,  even when no racial injustice has been committed.
6) The lies and corruption that abound in the governing class are astounding, even treasonous as our country is being sold out.
7) Natural disasters are just beginning to gear up...earthquakes, volcanos, floods, drought and undoubtedly plagues somewhere.
When taken all together, one must "read the signs of the times."
Our news outlets do little to keep us informed on the potential turmoil about to be unleashed. Rather, they do everything to convince us that all is hunky dory.  Buy another this or that, turn on the tv and don't think about it.
For too long I have ignored the signs and put off moving into the Ark. But I cannot ignore it any longer.
Of course, the new Ark of the Covenant is Mary, Blessed Mother.  She beckons us to come into her that we might be saved as she bears us to her Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Oh what sweet relief it is to find refuge in Blessed Mother. I don't pretend to think that I will be unscathed, but I know that Mary commands the angels and saints to fight for my soul. I am thankful.
My Lord, I beg forgiveness for my neglects of your commands.
Help me to go forward into the new day, prepared for the battle and thankful and joyous because I am a child of God.

Forgiveness and Mercy

Then Peter approaching asked him, "Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times." ~ Mathew 18:21-22

The Wilderness

I have been a longtime fan of Tom Selleck and I am usually pleased with the characters he chooses to portray in his many movies and television shows.

So it was with utter dismay and sadness that I watched the most recent television episode of Bluebloods.

In this episode, Selleck's character Police Commissioner Regan, is called upon by a longtime friend who met with tragedy years ago when her family was brutally murdered. She was six years old at the time and the young woman is grown and about to get married. Life seems to be going well for her. She meets with the Commissioner and shows him a letter she has received from the person who committed the crime of murdering her family. She hasn't read the letter but gives it to him and asks him to read it.

She later asks him to tell her what's in it and he tells her that the criminal who is behind bars for the rest of his life wants to meet with her. It's because of a program called "Restorative Justice," that has been instituted by the penal system. The Commissioner tells her he doesn't advise it for her. He wants her to be happy and go about her life without the specter of meeting with the man who brutally murdered her family.

She leaves but later comes back and insists that she's going to meet the criminal. PC Regan tells her she isn't going alone because he can't see any good coming from this program for her, at least. He is thinking only of her and thinks that the man is playing some kind of mind game with her and that meeting with him will only haunt her for the rest of her life. She thinks that meeting him will allow her to put it behind her.

So, they go to the prison. The man tells her that he has a mental illness but that he has been properly diagnosed and because of proper medications can now realize the horror of the evil he committed against her. He doesn't expect her forgiveness but wanted to meet with her and tell her how truly sorry he is for that crime.

What comes out of the mouth of this young woman is the harshest kind of vile evil I have ever heard. She despises him and wishes that his attempts to end his life were successful. She insists on him looking at photos of the family she no longer has and jabs him with the punches that she will not be able to enjoy their company at her wedding. She asks that he attempt suicide again, only to make it a successful attempt. Her tirade is truly hateful.
Perhaps understandable, but what I failed to comprehend is that Selleck's character sat there and instead of being appalled by her spewing of this vileness merely nodded sagely, as if he completely agreed with the premises that she was extolling.

After this, the next scene is at her wedding and PC Regan gets up and extols the virtues of this young woman as if he had never heard the vile evil spewed forth by her just days before.
I found the whole episode to be a terrible example of what a "good Catholic" like PC Regan is supposed to be, what justice is and what compassion and mercy truly mean.
It could have been an example of how to forgive, how to be merciful, what compassion looks like, what Christianity and Catholicism truly is. Instead it was a cop-out to the secularism of the day.

Everyone seemed to think it was justified that she be allowed to spew hatred at the man who murdered her family, with the exception of Baker, the Commissioner's secretary. She believes people can change and tells the Commissioner so, even inviting him to fire her if she ever thinks otherwise.

I found Baker's view of the fallen nature of man to be more in line with authentic Catholic teaching. It is so difficult to forgive, especially when extreme hurt has been done. Yet, hanging onto hurt and wishing violence against another isn't healing. Instead of it being a healing event for anyone, it was the most tragic of episodes because hatred and vengeance never heal.

Only by forgiving can we escape the violence done us. Christ knows that and tries to show it by forgiving his executioners from the cross.

Heart Ignited by Love

The Shelter House

During a meditation yesterday on the Luminous Mysteries of the Rosary, I was shown a vision of my heart being ignited with the fire of love for souls.

This was just what I needed because myself and a friend are beginning a ministry of reaching out to lapsed Catholics.

Although we agreed to pray together for 40 days prior to taking any action, I wasn't feeling "the love" I should be experiencing for souls that are in danger of being lost.

So, I was much relieved when I saw and felt my heart being ignited with the fire of love for souls yesterday. It is a gift from God. Try as I might, there was nothing in me that enabled me to feel this love for my neighbor. It had to come from God and it had to be given during a quiet time as I listened to Him.

Very often, I am so busy with all the prayers I think I need to be praying and the deeds I need to be dong that I often forget I must also just be quiet before the Lord and absorb His love and His goodness so that I have it to pass along to others. I am like an empty vessel when I do not take the proper time to prepare myself for whatever God has in mind for me for that day.

I also experienced a moment of total surrender prior to that moment of seeing my heart ignited with love. I have been having trouble breathing and it had gotten so severe during the previous night that I had the feeling of "impending doom" that I was nearing death. I was panicked as I lay in bed that night, struggling to adequately breath and gasping for breaths. I thought of all I have left to do or things that have been left undone by me and I was fighting it.

Then, at some point, I realized that I wasn't trusting God and His mother as I need to trust them. I wasn't and am not sure what they have in mind for me, but at some point, I just surrendered to them. If it wasn't done, it wasn't because I hadn't had the time to do so...time that I wasted. I surrendered to God's mercy and just realized that there is nothing I can do to prolong my life if God wants to take it at this time.

I felt a great sense of peace at that moment of surrender, but I also know that I have been healed. The healing isn't instantaneous, but it is coming or will come. Even if the healing is just spiritual, I am content, knowing that God and His Blessed Mother...my Blessed Mother have my life in their hands and I trust in them.

I praise you and thank you, my God and Blessed Mother for all the blessings poured out upon me. Please guide me this day that I may do your will.

Seeking Faith

Jesus said to his disciples: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." ~ Matthew 7:7-8

I have always loved this reading from the book of Matthew. It speaks so eloquently of the Father's generosity, I so often sit around, begging for crumbs, as if I am an orphan, and yet I am a daughter of the King.
Is it because I do not truly believe these wonderful words from Jesus' mouth? Or just that I lack sufficient faith to truly believe that God will give me all good things?
I do know better for I have often received such wonderful gifts and God truly takes care of me in all my needs and desires. But, it seems as if I forget it too often.
Lord, I pray for more faith. Increase my faith, that I might truly live my life according to the above scripture verse. Amen and I thank you and praise you for all the wonderful gifts you have given me, even if I sometimes forget that you have blessed me so abundantly.

Snow Rainbow

I have been trying to wean myself from the scourge of our day that is television. While it can be a useful tool, as all tools are useful for something, I use it more by force of habit that from any need for this tool.
It has become a mechanism for allowing evil to insidiously infiltrate itself into my home and life, and still I do not shut it off. I have begun turning off the particularly vile programs, but it has become so invasive that even the commercials are a means of transporting evil into my home.
I do not watch it during the day and have started turning it to old programs in the evening after my husband has gone to bed. I can enjoy watching these programs without the benefit of commercials, but I still watch too many of these old programs.
Most importantly, I have been shown, that it is vital to my spiritual health that I do not fall asleep in front of the television while it silently delivers into my subconscious all kinds of evil.

A couple of nights ago, I was plagued by a series of ugly dreams. My husband often has nightmares, or so they seem because he is a person who talks in his sleep. Often his words are violent and distressing.
I have begun to wonder if the reason for his unrest is because I watch television while he is sleeping and so allow evil to enter his subconscious, even if the programs I am watching are not or do not seem to be particularly evil.
Is it the mechanism itself that allows evil to enter our home unimpeded?

It has opened my eyes to what I need to do while he is sleeping and that is to turn it off and do my reading and praying instead of watching even old programs.

I also have been shown that I need to use holy water and blessed salt to cleanse our bedroom from any lingering evil spirits that might be lurking around. So that is what I shall do.

The Lord has already asked me to give us my daily "news blog" readings for Lent. I think it is because I am so overloaded with views from a particular point of view that I am not open to new ideas or views He might be wanting to impart to me. So, am also cleansing myself of my "addiction" to reading news blogs.
I am still reading Catholic blogs and news sites, however, so I do get my "internet fix," at least for now. I thank you, Lord, that you do allow me some internet use. Please guide my choices and help me to firmly stick with my Lenten fast. It may be that I will not even desire to return to those sites once Lent has passed.

God is so good to me and has blessed me so abundantly. I am learning to praise Him in all things and so I hope that I will continue to grow spiritually as I continue this Lenten practice.
Praise you, my God and my King.

My Sweet One, I bless your efforts. Go in my peace, knowing that all is well. I love you.

A Sacrifice of Praise

Hush, now my little one.

You have just feasted on readings and meditations. Let your heart and soul absorb them or digest them. Give yourself time to understand the deep meaning of what you have just consumed.

Yes, thank me for everything during this Lenten journey. A sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving is what I desire from you this Lent.

Give me the gift of a grateful heart, overflowing with thanks and praise for all the gifts you have been given.
Shout for joy on the days when your soul can hardly contain all the goodness I am bestowing upon you.
Even though it is a penitential season, there is still much to be joyful about.

Oh, my Lord. I do thank you and praise you for all the gifts you have bestowed upon me.

Throughout the day, I want you to turn to me and say thank you.

Each time something happens, thank me. Especially when it may seem like something that is not pleasing to you. Thank me and continue to thank me until your heart truly sings for joy.

Oh Lord.
I Thank you and praise you for your many great gifts to me. There is much that I have taken for granted throughout my life. I have been so pampered. Help me to share some of these blessings with others, that they might come to know and love You.

Lord, give me your holy zeal and love for all people.

Show me, Lord, who you want me to be.

Follow each inner nudging that I give to you. That is how I am speaking to you, deep in your heart and soul.

Thank you, my God and King.

Ash Wednesday, 2015

Such turmoil exists in the world today. The terrorist group ISIS has just beheaded 21 Coptic Christians and reportedly burned alive 45 people in Iraq.
May God take these murdered people straight to heaven.

We have been warned, indeed God has granted us such divine gifts of Mercy in this ever darkening time that it is almost overwhelming.

And still, so many people are turning away and buying into the deception that is drenching the earth with filth and sin.

It is a time of preparation, as Lent ever is, for the Resurrection of our Lord.

The Church, too, must go through its own Passion before it can experience its Resurrection.

I pray, Lord, that I will be a bright light for lost souls and that I can be a good Fisher of men and women for You during the coming time of persecution.

Christ will guard His Own

"Christ will guard His own." ~ St Agnes
Thank you so much for calling me to your Presence, my Lord and my God.
I truly love being here with You.
To quote the hymn, "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening."
Thank you for the wonderful way You answered the prayer concerns I placed in envelopes of faith. You take such good care of me. Truly, you do guard your own.
Peace is such a wonderful gift. Your peace, that is; the peace that passes all understanding. Thank you for this wonderful gift.
I give you another concern of my heart, that of the room for our trip to our friends wedding. I suspect my friend has inadvertently canceled our room. So, I give it to you. I know you will see that we have a place to stay. Thank you!
***********************
Yesterday, I was in the community where my father-in-law is buried. I often am there and I have been visiting his grave and placing flowers on it.
Before I went yesterday, I made up a couple of flower arrangements (two of my husbands siblings are also buried there). When I got to his burial site, I was filled with "un peace" because the previous arrangements had been removed.
This was such a silly reaction on my part because I had thought that I would remove the old arrangements when I got there anyway.
But, I felt insulted for some silly reason. I didn't understand it, but today I have received a glimmer of insight.
Perhaps the reaction I felt is how my still living mother in law feels when she visits the grave and sees that someone other than her has been caring for the graves?
I wonder if she views it as an encroachment of her "turf?"
I intended it to be an act of love and was very distraught that I had such a bad reaction.
Please exchange any ill will or hard feelings on either of our parts for love. Your love and peace. I place that in an envelope of faith as well and turn it over to you. I know you will handle it in the best way possible.
Thank you for the insight and please don't let me hurt my beautiful mother I  law.

Beginning the Journey

"Let what you heard from the beginning remain in you. If what you heard from the beginning remains in you, then you will remain in the Son and in the Father." ~ 1 John 2:24

When I received St. Raphael as my patron saint for the year and after researching him a little, I thought, "Oh! We're going to be traveling more this year. "
Then I had that "Ah ha!" moment when I realized that while we may indeed be going to travel more, the primary reason St. Raphael is here is to travel with me spiritually as I journey ever closer to You, my Lord.

I also thought it might be because I have for so long wanted to be an instrument of Your healing love and grace and power for others.
Perhaps St. Raphael is here to also heal me? So that I might heal others?
To teach me discipline and knowledge and to share his love for You and his wit and humor.

St Raphael as my patron saint for the year is Your gift to me.
Thank you so much!

Oh, I love you my child! Truly, I do. When you do recognize me in the gifts I offer, you are like a sweet child, awed by the goodness of the gift--even if you sometimes don't know its full use or importance in your life.
Yes, this is the year when you will make significant progress on your spiritual journey with St. Raphael and your guardián angel as your guides and teachers.

Bless J.T. this year, too, my Lord and my God. Help me to be the friend she needs at this time in her life.

Jesus, I love you. God, the Father, I love you. God, the Holy Spirit, I love you. Blessed Mother, I love you. All the angels and saints, I love you.
Thank you for being my friends.

A New Beginning

Each new day brings a new beginning to a believer in Jesus Christ.
And each new calendar year brings with it new promise and hope.
My prayers this year are that I can draw ever nearer to my God as we journey through this life.
I have been selected by St. Raphael the archangel as my partner through this year.
I am excited because one of my prayers has been to be an instrument of God's healing love. With the guidance and help of St. Raphael, perhaps that prayer has been answered.
So, thank you, Lord, for giving me into the safekeeping of St. Raphael this year. And thank you, St. Raphael for choosing to travel with me this year. May we be blessed with the guidance of the Holy Spirit as we seek out those who are in need of God's healing grace and love.
Other goals are to get some exercise each day and to also work on becoming more organized. Similar goals that I have had in previous years and days.
So, let's pray that with the help of St. Raphael and St. Frances of Rome that I will become the person God wants me to be.

A Mother's Love

I love my daughter so much and I fear that something is terribly wrong in her life.
She doesn't seem happy. She seems empty and sad and very tired.

Perhaps I am letting my imagination run wild.

Earlier this Advent, when I was wrapping gifts, I felt a sense of finality. As if I needed to make sure this Christmas was special. Not only for my daughter, but for my sons as well and my grandchildren.
But, my daughter and her family were going to be here and the others are not.

It was one of the reasons I made a point to decorate this year, even though it was minimal compared to the decorations of others. So that I could make a statement to them that it is important to honor the Lord.

It was sad, this brooding sense of finality or loss, but I am not sure what it actually meant.

Does it mean that I am approaching my death? Or is one of my children?

When my daughter was just here with her husband and their daughter, the sense returned that there is something not right going on. Too much alcohol? My beautiful daughter seems to have lost interest in her appearance. Or is she being verbally abused so that she doesn't care about herself?
Or is there something physically wrong?

Or was it a more general sense that this might be the last time we would be celebrating Christmas with such generosity? That the times of giving gifts and Christmas festivity is drawing to a close?
Because the world is becoming darker every day.

I hope and pray that my sweet children can find their way to You, my Lord.

You are the reason for the celebration and to miss the importance of it is definitely something sad.

Perhaps I feel sad for so many people who do not recognize Your coming, neither the first time or that the time of Your second coming approaches.
Even if that means for some of us that death will take us before You return in Your Glory.

Lord, please bless my children, their spouses and their children with the sure knowledge that You, the Son of God, was born of the most pure virgin Mary. At midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold. And that that is a cause for wonder and awe.
Thank you, my God.

Advent 2014, Day 6

"Then he reached down from heaven, caught hold of me, rescued me from that flood, saved me from triumphant malice, from the enemies that held me at their mercy. Evil days, when they faced me at every turn! Yet, the Lord stood by me, and brought me out into freedom again, his great love befriended me." ~ Ps 18: 17-20

Forgive me, my Lord and my God for the lapses these past few days in regards to my posts.
Forgive me, also, for the argument yesterday in front of the Tabernacle. I am not sorry I called her out for the lies being spread, but I am sorry it took place in the church after Mass. This is a holy place and I ask your forgiveness for violating the sanctity of it.
I am wondering if the silent and only spoken in the depths of my heart, "heart to heart conversation" I had with the Bishop regarding my thoughts on our pastor have been heard by the pastor or somehow affect him and have a bearing on his low self esteem?
I have tried to discuss it fairly and without bias, but I can be a harsh judge of others faults.
Forgive me for that as well. I do pray that the Bishop, who is responsible not only for the health and well being of his priests, but also his parishes, be granted the loving discernment he needs to make the best decisions for everyone.
Ah, my Lord. I have wanted this to be a holy time, preparing for your coming. Perhaps,  it is a testing time as well? I pray that I may be given the graces necessary to pass the test.
Thank you, my God and King, for your loving care of me. Guide me through the trials of the day.
Thank you! I love you!

Advent 2014, Day 3

"Behold, the Lord will come, and all his holy ones with him;
and on that day there will be a great light." ~ Cf. Zec 14:5,7

Earlier today, I watched a beautiful sunrise, reminding me of a great light.

I'm sitting here watching the clouds roll by at a fairly healthy clip. Probably about 30 mph. Just watching and waiting.

The sagebrush in which our vehicle is parked are bending with the wind, to and fro.
I am waiting and watching.
Come,  Lord Jesus, Come and fill me with your love, wisdom and light.

Advent 2014, 1st Monday

"Oh Lord, our God, unwearied is your love for us." ~ Antiphon from Night prayers

How remarkable it is that the Lord's love for us is unwearied. I have often thought that He must indeed weary of me once again coming to him with the same old sins and faults.
I weary of myself and my lack of progress.  How can God find me loveable? Yet, he does.
It reminds me of the time a number of years ago when myself and three friends were returning from a Marian conference. It was a spiritually filling experience, but an exhausting one.
We were giddy and talking about the highlights of the event. One of the topics was how Jesus and Mary are continually working to bring us all back into the fold when my dear friend said, "Don't you think they want a day off?" In all seriousness.
We all laughed until we had tears rolling down our cheeks and our sides ached from the laughter we shared over that comment.
Of course, we all agreed that they probably did want a day off, but we were all thankful that they didn't take one yet and are still working for our salvation.
Thank you, Lord. For not being wearied by your love for me.

Advent 2014, Day 1

"To you, I lift up my soul, O my God.
In you, I have trusted; let me not be put to shame.
Nor let my enemies exult over me;
and let none who hope in you be put to shame. " Cf. Ps 25 (24):1-3

This verse is the entrance antiphon for today's Mass. It spoke to my heart because I so often feel/think that those whom I love the most, my family, so often scoff and mock me for my beliefs.
I so want my faith in God to be vindicated in a large and great manner. "Let me not be put to shame." Show them, Lord, that I am not crazy or deluded.
It's not necessarily that I doubt, although I have been going through a dark valley recently.
But, it has been so long since I have felt the sweetness that comes from communion with the Lord.
Much of this is my own fault, granted. For my prayer life has not been a fertile time when my soul should be fed and nourished. Rather, it has been a time of rote prayer and me doing all the talking and not listening to that small still voice of the Lord.
I have put barriers between myself and the Lord and I don't know how to break them down. I need God's help doing that. Or rather, I just need God to do it.
A commentary on Advent from "The Word Among Us"  states "He loves you completely. He delights in you. He enjoys giving you good things. So go ahead, and ask him for something this Advent."
I am not sure what to ask for and have been busy planning small Advent surprises for friends and acquaintances. I want them to see Him in the gifts that I give. I want to be His hands.
I want my family to recognize the Gift they have been given in Baptism and Confirmation and to start living their faith.
I want to be thinner and healthier. I want to be more organized.
I want to be holy and ultimately a saint. I want to be able to fast in a way that pleases God. I would love to have a gift of the Holy Spirit manifest itself in my life. And have the courage, humility and knowledge to use it for God's glory.
I want to speak Spanish adequately enough to talk to my Hispanic friends and acquaintances.
Those are my wants and desires. My Christmas list, if you will.
Lord, I don't know which of the above to ask for. You know the desires of my heart. Please give me the vision to recognize the gifts You choose to give me this Advent.
Because I do know that You love me, even though I sometimes don't feel it. I accept it on faith because You have told me so in Your written word and in Your sacraments.
And I thank You for whatever You choose to give me in whatever manner You think is best. I also thank You for the many blessings you have already poured out upon me. I thank you for the gift of Your Mother and for her love of me as well.

Heartbreak in the Hinterland

For some time now, I have felt deepening resentment coming from my granddaughter.

It seems to have been slowly building over time, but now it seems that she has almost totally forsaken me.
There seems to be some resentment over books I have given her as gifts that I thought she might find enlightening. There also seems to be resentment over the other gifts I give her, as if my choice of gifts is so totally uncool that I insult her by giving them.
Things seemed to worsen this spring when her paternal grandmother died unexpectedly, leaving me as her only remaining grandmother. My son-in-law also seems to resent me, or my beliefs and has negatively influenced my granddaughter's feelings for me.

It hurts in my heart. I so want them to realize that when I give the gift of having a Mass said for them or for someone they love who is deceased, it is because that is the greatest gift I can give. It is not meant to "insult" them or to foist my beliefs on them. Even though my granddaughter was raised Catholic, my son-in-law has never been "religious" and scoffs at my beliefs, although not openly, but more snidely.

My sweet daughter, on the other hand, does believe, I think, but doesn't stand up for her beliefs because to do so would shut her out from the two people she is closest to. They do seem to shut her out of some things, and it sickens me.

I don't know what to do. I feel increased pressure to try to help "save" my children and grandchildren from the horrors that are coming to this world. I know that only a strong foundation in, with and through Christ can save them, but I think that my attempts to convert them only drive them further away from Him who is "the way, the truth and the life."

What do I do, my Lord and my God?  How do I save my family?

My sweet child,
Know that I love those you love with an intensity far deeper than what you feel for them.  I, too, want them to choose life and not be taken in by the allures of evil that stalk the earth.

Your anxiousness for them is a reflection of my anxiety for them. Yet it is a choice and must be freely made. You cannot force them to choose life. You can pray for them and love them in spite of the hurts they seem to inflict upon you. After all, didn't I, your Lord and Redeemer, do as much for all of the people who laughed and mocked me on the long hike to Calvary?

Do not be afraid to love them or to suffer the pain of rejection and misunderstanding. It is a suffering that you must offer up on their behalf so that they might accept the graces being poured out upon them for their eternal salvation.

Do not fear my little one. Especially, do not fear that you will be unloved by your family members.  Love them powerfully in the inmost recesses of your heart and do not fear to be humiliated or mocked or hated. It does hurt more coming from those you love, but in that you resemble your Lord, who was mocked, hated and spat upon by those people whom He most wanted to save.

For now, speak no words except in the depths of your heart and soul. Use the gift of heart to heart communication I have bequeathed you to speak to your granddaughter's heart. Keep speaking there and know that all is well.
I love you with an everlasting love and I take your concerns upon my shoulders.  I will help you with this burden.
Be at peace, my child. I love you.

Thank you, my Lord and my God. Thank you for showing me Your Glory in the beauty of fall colors and for enabling me to get some photos of it.

Hashtag Activism

I am increasingly bothered by calls to "like this" post on Facebook or Twitter or other forms of social media as a response to evil.
Or signing petitions to "make the president or Congress" do something that the writers of the petition want them to do.
It seems like such a wasted effort, although I have been a part of the problem until very recently.
These things are not going to effect change, nor will they do anything to save souls.
It has become very apparent to me that we have now entered the final phase of the spiritual battle.  The forces of evil are marching throughout the world and we must fight with the weapons God has given us...prayer and specifically, the Rosary. Scott Hahn calls it "Beads for the Battle," and he is right.
Lord, forgive me for my past neglects of this call to action. Help me to do what you have been asking.  

I am going to call this picture "The Deluge," because that's what is happening.  It is time to enter into the Ark, the Ark of the new covenant, Mary. She will carry us safely to the Barque of Jesus, as Mark Mallet has said in some of his excellent blog posts on these days. The photo is one I took of the Lower Falls in Yellowstone National Park.

The Invasion has begun

For approximately the past month, the southern U.S. border has been porous, allowing allegedly "children of immigrants" to pass into the United States with no documentation.
This unprecedented flood of people into our country, without having to go through any of the established procedures, is an invasion, I think.
Without being hysterical, I want to posit some questions about the events to see if it makes sense.
We have always had a porous border with Mexico and folks have been able to cross into our country illegally. This time is different, however, in that the sheer volume of "children" passing into our country without proper identification is overwhelming the U.S. Border patrol.
These young people are then being dispersed throughout the country because TSA, the government agency that probes our bodies every time we fly, doesn't require anything of these "children" except a piece of paper.
If you wanted to invade a sovereign nation, one with oceans for two of its borders and a populace that is armed, what better way to do it than to essentially run over the very limited border patrol?
Homeland Security is probably in collusion with the invading force because they are responsible for then "dispersing the troops" throughout the rest of the country.
The press isn't allowed into any of the processing centers to view and/or report what is happening there.
Additionally, this is the same governmental agency that has been requisitioning ammunition in unprecedented amounts.
Is it possible that this country, so self - involved, is allowing an invasion to occur because we "can't be bothered" to stop it? The press can't be bothered to report it. The current president  can't be spared from the fundraising events, it seems. I suspect, though, that whomever is pulling his puppet strings hasn't let him into the loop.
Many of the "children" are young men whom jihadists consider to be old enough to fight and die. Are these young men being dispersed into our country as an invading force, armed when they get here by the Department of Homeland Security, which just happens to have stockpiles of ammunition?
And they are also coming into our country with diseases that we thought we had under control.
It would be one way to take down the United States, from within, because we have become so complacent about our freedoms.
Or are they truly refugees, coming here because living conditions in their own countries is so abominable?
Without a press that is free to report what it can observe, we don't know what is happening with this unprecedented influx of people into our country.
Lord, please have mercy on us. Please bless and guide us into all truth.