Caged and Freed

Dec. 3

I will praise you, Lord, among the nations; I will tell of your name to my kin. Ps 18 (17):50; 22 (21):23

One of the things that has been bothering me since my daughter's death has been an image I've had of her after her death.

She was suspended in a cage in a place that was neither heaven nor hell, but it was not a good place. It wasn't a place she knowingly chose for herself. Perhaps it was built by actions or inactions during her life, but she didn't really know what to do to get out. She was just there.

Maybe limbo is a good word for it, although I don't think that is what official church teaching means regarding limbo.

Nevertheless, that is the image that has haunted my thoughts during moments when I have quieted my heart to listen and opened my eyes to see.

I didn't know what to do either and initially was afraid to ask, fearful that the time for freeing her had passed.

But it continued to haunt me so I finally did ask the Lord how to free my daughter from the cage.

Within a short time after asking, I felt compelled to pray the Rosary and oh, I am so happy that I did! 

While praying it, the image came to mind again as well as images of demons circling the cage.

Then, here came the Queen of Heaven herself to set my daughter free from the cage! She was accompanied by St. Michael and our Guardian Angels and my beautiful baby was freed from the cage and carried to a place of safety, where she rests in the presence of Our Lady.

My daughter rests there, content for now but  waiting. 

Thank you, Blessed Mother, St. Michael and our Guardian Angels for freeing my daughter from the cage. 

Loss and Heartache

Dec. 2

To you, I lift up my soul, O my God. In you, I have trusted; let me not be put to shame. Nor let my enemies exult over me; and let none who hope in you be put to shame. Cf. Ps 25 (24):1-3

My darling daughter returned on Dec. 1, 2018 to the heavenly home prepared for her by the One who loves her. She was young. A mere 43 years has passed since that blessed day when she came into this world. A gift of our love.

I am still trying to grasp the meaning of this death, as all bereaved parents do, and find my questions have few answers.

It was an accident. She fell and hit her head. What caused the fall will be determined by an autopsy. 

The thing is, I think I was with her in spirit as she surrendered to death. 

The day of her death was a strange day for me. I didn't leave my house. I spent the day in prayer and began some of the projects I have been procrastinating on beginning. 

I began the Christmas Anticipation prayer of St. Andrew and also recommitted to praying the Rosary. 

During these prayers, my heart was ever thinking of my beloved daughter. We had spent the Thanksgiving holiday together and when she left, I missed her terribly. I spent the day of her death talking to her silently, in my heart.

Those passing comments now seem to have more meaning, deeper meaning.

There was something happening in my heart and soul as if the Lord was preparing me for her passing. 

I have asked the Lord many times to send her someone who will love her as she deserves to be loved. She was divorced a couple of years ago and has since struggled to find her identity, her worth as a single woman.

I wanted her to know that sweet, sweet love of Christ because she has been so heartbroken and become somewhat hardhearted since her divorce. The line from the St. Andrew prayer is "In that hour, vouchsafe, O my God! to hear my prayer and grant my desires, through the merits of Our Saviour Jesus Christ, and of His Blessed Mother. Amen."

My prayer and my desire was for her to know "true love."

As I was praying, I somehow felt the surrender of her heart, leaving us behind as she entered into the Presence of True Love, although I thought at the time it meant she would meet someone. Little did I know that the "someone" was "The Someone."

I think her MS had caused far more damage to her strong little body than she let anyone know. I saw little signs that she wasn't functioning as she should. 

As so often happens, the answer to my prayer and deepest desire was an answer that I wasn't expecting.
Yet, how can I regret her leaving us to be with her True Love?
Thank you, Lord.

The Spirit Working

"God gives prayer growth precisely according to our degree of readiness for it. He forces no one. According as we are more or less receptive, He bestows more or less depth of communion. In the same manner, five hundred people in a parish church all hear the same sound waves during the homily, but they profit from it exactly as they are or are not disposed for the message. Jesus taught the same truth in his parable of the sower: from the word of God some hearers yield nothing at all, while others yield thirty or sixty or a hundredfold." — Fr. Thomas Dubay, p. 114

AN EXCERPT FROM

Fire Within

I have been a little stressed over some loved ones missing Mass.

Then the Spirit told me to recognize that unless they have a relationship with Jesus, the Christ, going to Mass is just a chore for them. 

I know this but somehow imagined they did love Christ, did love You, my sweet Lord and God. You have blessed them mightily and I recognize this because the blessings You have bestowed on them are prayers of mine that You answered. 

It makes my heart sing with joy as I am now able to completely surrender this matter to You.

It is between You and them and I will surrender it to You. 

Thank you for those answered prayers and blessings. Please now open their hearts to get to know You. And love You. And want to come to Mass to join in Communion and worship and praise with You and all of us. Amen.

Taking offense

"We want God to suffer everything from us, and we are not able to suffer anything from anyone. We exaggerate beyond measure the faults committed against us; worms that we are, we take the slightest pressure exerted on us to be an enormous attack. Meanwhile, we count as nothing what we undertake proudly against the sovereign majesty of God and the rights of his empire!"

  ~ An excerpt from Meditations for Lent by  Bishop Jacques-Benigne Bossuet, p. 49-51

This struck me as a true explanation of our culture today. Everyone is so offended and takes great offense at such small slights, yet we give no thought to the truly deep offenses that we commit against our Lord.

Have mercy on us, Lord. Thank you for your great love for us and for dying and rising from the dead for us.

You are worthy of all our love. Please bless me with the grace to be kind and joyful in all circumstances that I might honor your sacrifice for me.

Message from Mother

I know that the apparitions from Medjugorje have not been officially approved by the church. 

However, as something that spoke to my heart this day, I share it, with love from Blessed Mother.

Dear children,

Through the great love of the Heavenly Father I am beside you as your mother and you are beside me as my children, as apostles of my love whom I ceaselessly gather around me.

My children, you are those who, along with prayer, need to completely surrender to my Son so that you may no longer live but my Son may live in you—so that all those who do not know my Son may see Him in you and come to desire to know Him.

Pray that in you they may see resolute humility and goodness, a readiness to serve others; that in you they may see that you live your vocation in the world with the heart, in communion with my Son; that in you they may see meekness, tenderness and love for my Son as well as for all brothers and sisters.

Apostles of my love, you must pray much and cleanse your hearts so that you may be the first to walk on the way of my Son, that you may be the just who are united with the justice of my Son.

My children, as apostles of my love, you must be united in the communion which emanates from my Son, so that my children who do not know my Son may recognize the communion of love and may come to desire to walk on the way of life, the way of unity with my Son.

Thank you.
 

~from an email I receive from Queen of Peace Productions each time one of the seers receives a message from Mary that can be shared. 

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Easter Sunday

"God chose ordinary people to share his good news. In other words, he chose people just like us.

Why would God choose such a humble risky strategy?

...two possibilities:

First, Jesus wants us to experience his love through each other. He wants us to feel his presence through the generosity, the affection, and the humility of his followers. That's why he has called us to be a Church—so that he can work through us to change the world. It's why he calls us to gather around the altar as brothers and sisters."

~excerpt from meditation on today's first reading from Acts 10:41 in The Word Among Us.

Although I cannot find the exact words, the closing prayer last night was something along the lines of "so that we may be one mind and one heart" and Fr's homily was on the importance of love.

It comes together as the gift of Easter. The gift of love and how Jesus manifests it in our lives, through others.

My need is to make Christ the center. Not myself, but Christ.

Amen, alleluia. Happy Easter. 

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Easter Triduum, Holy Saturday

"Have I lost the joy of the marvel of the first encounter with Jesus? Today is a day for listening."

~Pope Francis from The Hope of Lent

Before Easter Vigil Services 

Indeed as I reflect on my life, except for moments here and there, I have lost the joy of my marvelous first encounter with Jesus. I do want to experience it in its fullness this Easter. I want to meet "the Bridegroom of my soul" again this Holy night.

After Easter Vigil Services

I thank you and praise You, my God and King, Bridegroom of my soul for granting to me such stupendous gifts this night.

I wrote the meditation verse earlier on this day, before I had gone to Easter vigil services on this night. Before you granted to me once again the joy I have been missing. 

It was such an affirmation because everything I have thought before was once again proven true. 

It is so incredible to be of one heart and mind with others of this wonderful faith community you have blessed here in our valley.

I know now that when the time comes for the light of Christ to be exalted and adored during the days of darkness that there will be the Bridegroom of my heart to help me and be with me.

Thank you, sweet Jesus, for your life, your love and your peace. They are the most precious gifts You have shared with me and I am awestruck by Your love.

Amen. Hallelujah, hallelujah!

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Easter Triduum; Good Friday

Good morning, my Lord!

I know You are currently being held, awaiting the moment and hour when the Jewish Sanhedrin will confirm the death sentence upon You that they determined was the sentence for Your "crime."

Even though they held Your trial during the night, illegally according to some, the Sanhedrin must pronounce the sentence during the daylight hours. 

Galling to them, they must also get approval from the Roman Procounsel to carry out the sentence and it is because of this that You will be crucified, the Roman method for executing criminals.

Last night, while I held vigil with You, I asked what You wanted from me. I have given You, through my Consecration to You through Your Blessed Mother, my life and yet I have not yet given to You what Your most Sacred and Holy Heart desires most..my time.

Admittedly and with sorrow for my selfishness, I had already asked You for the desires of my heart. Forgive me for always being so selfish. 

I resolve to do better this day and on future days with whatever time remains to me. I give You not only my life but my time.

I know I haven't always done well with my obsessive desires for viewing old tv shows and movies and more recently with news blogs. None of those are more important to me and I firmly resolve, with Your assistance, to give my time and attention to You instead. 

I ask Blessed Mother for her help in this matter as well. As we stand with You at the foot of the cross where You poured out Your life for me, I resolve to do better this day. One day at a time.

I don't want to stand before Your Resurrected holy Person and have You tell me that I preferred those things to You.

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Easter Triduum; Maundy Thursday

"The time I have on the rocky edge runs thin. I'll have to descend soon enough, but for a moment I feel the grandeur of creation and my smallness in it. For a moment I have no worries, only the sense of God's abiding grace in the world. It is that sense to which all penance points—a clearing away, an opening to the light all around. It is the way of humility, the poverty of spirit, which lets us see it."

~from Learning to live Poorer, a meditation for Lent by Ragan Sutterfield

The joy of this evening's festivities and the great gifts offered to humanity: the priesthood, the Mass and the Eucharist,  will be overshadowed soon by the betrayal of the our Lord.

I will spend an hour with Him in the Garden this night.

Lord, please speak to my heart tonight.

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Spy Wednesday

I had never heard of the Wednesday of Holy Week being referred to as Spy Wednesday until this year.

So called because this is the day Judas Iscariot makes the deal with temple authorities to turn Jesus over to them at the first possible opportunity. 

In the book The Day Christ Died by Jim Bishop, Mr. Bishop's research indicates that the temple powers that be wanted the arrest and trial of Jesus done quickly and more importantly, quietly. They did not want to provoke the followers of Jesus to riot and thereby risk the wrath of Pontias Pilate and Rome.

Until it was too late, Judas Iscariot did not realize he was a pawn in a power move between the Jewish leaders and Roman authorities. When he finally glimpsed the truth, he despaired so deeply that he took his own life, driven mad by the knowledge that he had turned over a kind and gentle man.

Bishop implies that if Judas believed in Jesus as the Messiah he might have asked~and been granted~forgiveness for his betrayal. 

Lord, please grant to me the sure knowledge of your Divine nature that I might not betray you.

Forgive me when I do, not intentionally, but because of fear and weakness.

I love you. Increase my love and devotion. 

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Anticipation

During my Rosary today, it occurred to be how excited I am about the upcoming week, culminating in it's celebration of the Resurrection.

Jesus, on the other hand, in His holy anticipation of the upcoming events was in such agony that He sweat blood. 

Oh, my Lord! I am truly sorry for having offended You. I pray that I might try to please You by my actions in this present moment and that everything I do somehow grants You the honor you are due.

I do not yet have a true idea of the agony You endured for me. 

I know only that I love You for loving and forgiving me.

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Monday of Holy Week

According to tradition, today is the day Jesus was so righteously angered that He overthrew the money changers tables.

This move so threatened the powers that be in the Temple hierarchy that it confirmed their decision to put Him to death.

Lord, forgive us, for we know not what we do.

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Consecration

"I entrust myself to you because you do not disappoint; I do not understand, but even without understanding, I entrust myself to your hands."

~Pope Francis from The Hope of Lent

Today is the fifth anniversary of my Consecration to Jesus through Mary. 

I hope I am making progress in my journey to what I hope is sainthood. Sometimes it feels like it is and sometimes it doesn't as I continue to struggle with the same things over and over.

But throughout the journey, Blessed Mother is with me and her gentle guiding is getting me there, although the route is circuitous..mostly due to my own intransigence. 

Thank you, my Lord for providing me with such a wonderful way to get closer to union with you...the heart of Your mother.

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Mission

A meditation on St. Catherine of Sienna today states...

"Out of her periods of contemplation, she reached out in spiritual letters to 

Enlighten and instruct others."

"Catherine understood well the realities of the world, but used her spirituality, intelligence and skills as a writer and reconciler to assist the church in her time."

This comes in answer to my question: "What is my mission, Lord?"

It seems quite hubristic to me to think I can enlighten and or instruct anyone about anything but then I am reminded that it won't be me but the Holy Spirit in me who is doing both.

I felt something at Mass tonight..a quickening of my heart as we heard the Passion of our Lord. Just faintly, a hint of something so much larger than myself. 

Rightly I should be concerned with You, my Lord and Your Passion. It was more real to me than it has been in the past, but I was still focused on the strange feeling in my heart.

Blessed Mother, please take me heart and give me yours that I might live your Son's Passion as you did.

The other thing which was interesting to me, given my predeliction for being consumed by the news is the following, which was also one of my meditations:

"Use today's news headlines as a springboard for meditation."

Lord, I love you. Help me to love you more.

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Joy of loving God

"Keep the joy of loving God in your heart and share this joy with all you meet, especially your family. Be holy."

— St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta 

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Laziness or sloth

Today on an EWTN radio program, the caller asked the question about laziness...not being disciplined enough to follow through on many things. 

Something Fr said hit a cord with me...even though I have known this.

He said we must overcome laziness because it is the work of the devil and also we will be asked to answer for every moment of our lives.

So, I begin again to try to discipline myself to overcome my sloth and I ask you Lord for forgiveness for my failures to do what you ask of me. I will work on myself again tomorrow. 

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What is your mission?

The question is put to me: "What is your mission?"

The answer eludes me but these are the

readings that seemed to speak to my heart today:

"God is love and in himself he lives a mystery of personal loving communion. Creating the human race in his own image . . . God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the vocation, and thus the capacity and responsibility, of love and communion. . . . Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being." ~CCC 2331, 2392

"The explosion of passion and purpose takes place when unique abilities and needs meet." 

~ from Focus in Best Lent Ever, March 21, 2018

"When will the happy time come when the divine Mary will be established Mistress and Queen of all hearts, in order that she may subject them fully to the empire of her great and holy Jesus? When will souls breathe Mary as the body breathes air? When that time comes, wonderful things will happen in those lowly places where the Holy Ghost, finding His dear spouse, as it were, reproduced, in all souls, shall come in with abundance, and fill them to overflowing with His gifts, and particularly with the gift of wisdom, to work miracles of grace."

— St. Louis de Montfort, p.118-19

Do they somehow tie together and answer the elusive question of mission? Is mission the same as vocation?

Lord, grant me the wisdom to know my mission today. Teach me your ways, Oh Lord.

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I am Yours

Lord, I am Yours, and I must belong to no one but You. My soul is Yours, and must live only by You.

~St. Francis de Sales~ 

Lord, please help me. I don't know why I do nothing, am able to accomplish nothing. 

I give myself to You, through Mary. 

Please help me.

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The Strength of Faith

"All those who have the strength of faith are stronger. Faith makes you live according to what is good and then the light of God's love always comes at the desired moment. That is the strength which sustains in pain and suffering. My children, pray for the strength of faith, trust in the Heavenly Father, and do not be afraid."

Our Lady to Mirjana Dragicevic-Soldo; March 18, 2018 annual apparition

All I can say is Amen!

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Dying to self

"The cross teaches us that we, like Jesus, give as much to others in our passivities as in our activities. When we are no longer in charge, when we are beaten down by whatever—humiliated, suffering, and unable even to make ourselves understood by our loved ones—then we are undergoing our own passion and, like Jesus in his passion, have in that the opportunity to give our love and ourselves to others in a very deep way."

—from The Passion and the Cross by Ronald Rolheiser, OMI

Oh my Lord! Please help me to love with the kind of love you have for each one of us.

Please let me rejoice in the plan you have for me and in the plans you have for the lives of others. Even when those plans conflict with my plans...especially when those plans conflict with my plans.

Please help me to die to self today and to live each day in the present moment.

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