Advent 2014, Day 1

"To you, I lift up my soul, O my God.
In you, I have trusted; let me not be put to shame.
Nor let my enemies exult over me;
and let none who hope in you be put to shame. " Cf. Ps 25 (24):1-3

This verse is the entrance antiphon for today's Mass. It spoke to my heart because I so often feel/think that those whom I love the most, my family, so often scoff and mock me for my beliefs.
I so want my faith in God to be vindicated in a large and great manner. "Let me not be put to shame." Show them, Lord, that I am not crazy or deluded.
It's not necessarily that I doubt, although I have been going through a dark valley recently.
But, it has been so long since I have felt the sweetness that comes from communion with the Lord.
Much of this is my own fault, granted. For my prayer life has not been a fertile time when my soul should be fed and nourished. Rather, it has been a time of rote prayer and me doing all the talking and not listening to that small still voice of the Lord.
I have put barriers between myself and the Lord and I don't know how to break them down. I need God's help doing that. Or rather, I just need God to do it.
A commentary on Advent from "The Word Among Us"  states "He loves you completely. He delights in you. He enjoys giving you good things. So go ahead, and ask him for something this Advent."
I am not sure what to ask for and have been busy planning small Advent surprises for friends and acquaintances. I want them to see Him in the gifts that I give. I want to be His hands.
I want my family to recognize the Gift they have been given in Baptism and Confirmation and to start living their faith.
I want to be thinner and healthier. I want to be more organized.
I want to be holy and ultimately a saint. I want to be able to fast in a way that pleases God. I would love to have a gift of the Holy Spirit manifest itself in my life. And have the courage, humility and knowledge to use it for God's glory.
I want to speak Spanish adequately enough to talk to my Hispanic friends and acquaintances.
Those are my wants and desires. My Christmas list, if you will.
Lord, I don't know which of the above to ask for. You know the desires of my heart. Please give me the vision to recognize the gifts You choose to give me this Advent.
Because I do know that You love me, even though I sometimes don't feel it. I accept it on faith because You have told me so in Your written word and in Your sacraments.
And I thank You for whatever You choose to give me in whatever manner You think is best. I also thank You for the many blessings you have already poured out upon me. I thank you for the gift of Your Mother and for her love of me as well.

Heartbreak in the Hinterland

For some time now, I have felt deepening resentment coming from my granddaughter.

It seems to have been slowly building over time, but now it seems that she has almost totally forsaken me.
There seems to be some resentment over books I have given her as gifts that I thought she might find enlightening. There also seems to be resentment over the other gifts I give her, as if my choice of gifts is so totally uncool that I insult her by giving them.
Things seemed to worsen this spring when her paternal grandmother died unexpectedly, leaving me as her only remaining grandmother. My son-in-law also seems to resent me, or my beliefs and has negatively influenced my granddaughter's feelings for me.

It hurts in my heart. I so want them to realize that when I give the gift of having a Mass said for them or for someone they love who is deceased, it is because that is the greatest gift I can give. It is not meant to "insult" them or to foist my beliefs on them. Even though my granddaughter was raised Catholic, my son-in-law has never been "religious" and scoffs at my beliefs, although not openly, but more snidely.

My sweet daughter, on the other hand, does believe, I think, but doesn't stand up for her beliefs because to do so would shut her out from the two people she is closest to. They do seem to shut her out of some things, and it sickens me.

I don't know what to do. I feel increased pressure to try to help "save" my children and grandchildren from the horrors that are coming to this world. I know that only a strong foundation in, with and through Christ can save them, but I think that my attempts to convert them only drive them further away from Him who is "the way, the truth and the life."

What do I do, my Lord and my God?  How do I save my family?

My sweet child,
Know that I love those you love with an intensity far deeper than what you feel for them.  I, too, want them to choose life and not be taken in by the allures of evil that stalk the earth.

Your anxiousness for them is a reflection of my anxiety for them. Yet it is a choice and must be freely made. You cannot force them to choose life. You can pray for them and love them in spite of the hurts they seem to inflict upon you. After all, didn't I, your Lord and Redeemer, do as much for all of the people who laughed and mocked me on the long hike to Calvary?

Do not be afraid to love them or to suffer the pain of rejection and misunderstanding. It is a suffering that you must offer up on their behalf so that they might accept the graces being poured out upon them for their eternal salvation.

Do not fear my little one. Especially, do not fear that you will be unloved by your family members.  Love them powerfully in the inmost recesses of your heart and do not fear to be humiliated or mocked or hated. It does hurt more coming from those you love, but in that you resemble your Lord, who was mocked, hated and spat upon by those people whom He most wanted to save.

For now, speak no words except in the depths of your heart and soul. Use the gift of heart to heart communication I have bequeathed you to speak to your granddaughter's heart. Keep speaking there and know that all is well.
I love you with an everlasting love and I take your concerns upon my shoulders.  I will help you with this burden.
Be at peace, my child. I love you.

Thank you, my Lord and my God. Thank you for showing me Your Glory in the beauty of fall colors and for enabling me to get some photos of it.

Hashtag Activism

I am increasingly bothered by calls to "like this" post on Facebook or Twitter or other forms of social media as a response to evil.
Or signing petitions to "make the president or Congress" do something that the writers of the petition want them to do.
It seems like such a wasted effort, although I have been a part of the problem until very recently.
These things are not going to effect change, nor will they do anything to save souls.
It has become very apparent to me that we have now entered the final phase of the spiritual battle.  The forces of evil are marching throughout the world and we must fight with the weapons God has given us...prayer and specifically, the Rosary. Scott Hahn calls it "Beads for the Battle," and he is right.
Lord, forgive me for my past neglects of this call to action. Help me to do what you have been asking.  

I am going to call this picture "The Deluge," because that's what is happening.  It is time to enter into the Ark, the Ark of the new covenant, Mary. She will carry us safely to the Barque of Jesus, as Mark Mallet has said in some of his excellent blog posts on these days. The photo is one I took of the Lower Falls in Yellowstone National Park.

The Invasion has begun

For approximately the past month, the southern U.S. border has been porous, allowing allegedly "children of immigrants" to pass into the United States with no documentation.
This unprecedented flood of people into our country, without having to go through any of the established procedures, is an invasion, I think.
Without being hysterical, I want to posit some questions about the events to see if it makes sense.
We have always had a porous border with Mexico and folks have been able to cross into our country illegally. This time is different, however, in that the sheer volume of "children" passing into our country without proper identification is overwhelming the U.S. Border patrol.
These young people are then being dispersed throughout the country because TSA, the government agency that probes our bodies every time we fly, doesn't require anything of these "children" except a piece of paper.
If you wanted to invade a sovereign nation, one with oceans for two of its borders and a populace that is armed, what better way to do it than to essentially run over the very limited border patrol?
Homeland Security is probably in collusion with the invading force because they are responsible for then "dispersing the troops" throughout the rest of the country.
The press isn't allowed into any of the processing centers to view and/or report what is happening there.
Additionally, this is the same governmental agency that has been requisitioning ammunition in unprecedented amounts.
Is it possible that this country, so self - involved, is allowing an invasion to occur because we "can't be bothered" to stop it? The press can't be bothered to report it. The current president  can't be spared from the fundraising events, it seems. I suspect, though, that whomever is pulling his puppet strings hasn't let him into the loop.
Many of the "children" are young men whom jihadists consider to be old enough to fight and die. Are these young men being dispersed into our country as an invading force, armed when they get here by the Department of Homeland Security, which just happens to have stockpiles of ammunition?
And they are also coming into our country with diseases that we thought we had under control.
It would be one way to take down the United States, from within, because we have become so complacent about our freedoms.
Or are they truly refugees, coming here because living conditions in their own countries is so abominable?
Without a press that is free to report what it can observe, we don't know what is happening with this unprecedented influx of people into our country.
Lord, please have mercy on us. Please bless and guide us into all truth.

God's Creation

Yesterday, my husband and I went hiking and found some antler sheds. We enjoy getting out and walking around the country looking for antlers.
One of my special joys is to take photos of the wildflowers we see on our outings. I am sharing one of these today.
Thank you, Lord, for your blessings today and every day. Amen. Alleluia.
Thank you for allowing me to live in such an amazing and awesome place.

Victory

On Monday evening, I joined with the thousands of people who were praying that the black Mass scheduled to take place at Harvard University would not happen.
My sense of outrage when I first heard about this was intense. I asked others to join me in prayers to prevent the abuse of Our Lord called for in a black Mass.
I had prayed earlier in the day the Chaplet of Divine Mercy,  but also felt called to pray a rosary during the time of the scheduled abomination.
I had to park at the Presbyterian Church because the town had blocked off the street due to a water main break. I almost didn't go into the church to pray the Rosary because of the difficulty in getting to the church.
I felt strongly that I could focus better in church, though.
I wasn't sure which mysteries to pray so I prayed about that first. I had a strong sense that I should pray the Glorious Mysteries, so I did.
As I was praying, I received such a gift of joy and victory. I could feel Mary leading all the angels and saints and all of the people who had come together to stop this insulting "educational" piece. I felt like we were marching around the walls of Jericho singing songs of praise and thanksgiving.
When I went in, I wasn't sure what the world was coming to. When I came out, I knew that Christ had won the victory. It was awesome.
I found out later that the black Mass on Harvard had been canceled.
It allegedly was held at some restaurant, although the owner didn't claim to have knowledge of that happening.
Praise God for not allowing this desecration to happen as publicized. I pray that the desecration of our Lord in the Eucharist didn't happen at all.
Thank you, Mary, for leading us in this spiritual battle.
Thank you for calling me to be a spiritual warrior and for giving me the grace to do what you asked of me.
This photo is of the first wildflowers I have seen.

Heavy heart

Ah, Lord. Today my  son-in-law's mother died.
It was not something that was expected, although she had been hospitalized for a couple of weeks.
My granddaughter is heartbroken over the loss of her paternal grandmother. My son-in-law is also wounded by the loss and my daughter loved her mother- in-law as she loves me.
I was totally surprised by how fast she died.
Even though we  know that death comes to everyone, the hole it leaves in our hearts and souls when it happens is something for which there is no quick fix.
Each of us must grieve in our own way.
It is easier, I think, for those who have faith in Jesus Christ.
But, even for those who have no faith, or an undeveloped faith, the opening of heaven and the grace which poured forth upon all when Christ's death pierced the heart of heaven is a blessing for everyone.
Lord, please bless the family of my friend with comfort and consolation. Please save her soul.
Today's photo is of the first wildflowers I have seen this spring. In honor of my friend and fellow grandmother.

Easter Season Blessings

I am so blessed and happy to be sitting here in the Presence of Christ, my King and my God.
Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to come into your Presence.
I pray for all those who do not believe. I pray that because you have poured Your Grace out upon the entire world that some who don't believe may come to believe.
I think of St. Thomas, who was insistent on disbelief in Your Resurrection, how You have used that throughout the centuries to help those with doubts. Thank you for helping all of us who doubt.  I am so loved and blessed these days.
Lord, please guide me today to show Your love and Mercy to someone who needs to receive it. Help me to recognize You today in someone.
I also thank you for giving me the words to answer my atheist cousin. Please continue to inspire me with the words You want her to hear. Thank you for restraining me when I am tempted to answer her insults and bias in a similar way. Help me to speak words of wisdom and love to her words of hate and bias.
Lord, please bless my friend who wants to be in full communion with You, but is prohibited because of her civil  marriage. Please help my sons with the same thing.
Today's photo is of the Holy Tabernacle of Christ.

Divine Mercy Sunday

What a wonderful day. Not only it the second Sunday of Easter, it is also Divine Mercy Sunday.
Today also was the historic canonization of St. Pope John XXIII and St. Pope John Paul II.
Almost 1 million people attended the historic event with Pope Frances presiding and Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI in attendance.
What wonders God has wrought this day.
Thank you, Lord for all your gifts, but especially the gift of your mercy.
Today's photo is the Divine Mercy image.

Seeing Christ

An Easter meditation I read was about how no one who initially saw the Resurrected Christ recognized Him at first.
It urged readers to try to spot Christ some where in our day.
Later, I was having lunch with a friend and we were discussing the less desirable personality traits of a mutual acquaintance. It wasn't right and we both knew it, or should have known it.
Something happened during that conversation, however, that I later realized was Christ manifesting himself.
A different  mutual acquaintance came up to us during lunch and asked who we were talking about because our conversation seemed quite animated. We joked and said "why, you. Of course. " He laughed and went back to his table. Nothing seemed to "hit me" yet.
When we were leaving the restaurant, he was leaving at the same time and asked something similar to "had we finished dissecting whomever we were talking about?"
This time it did hit me. I didn't feel good about the conversation, even though I certainly can find enough reasons to "justify" myself.
I very clearly heard the Holy  Spirit speaking to my heart, telling me that the friend who commented on our conversation was Christ, letting me know that He wasn't happy with our conversation. We didn't listen to Him the first time, though, so the harsher words the second time were for me. I heard Him say this: "You should not have been speaking about one of my beloved children in such a manner. "
As I have been pondering the words that I heard clearly in my heart, I know them to be true and I am sorry for the offense I have given to our Lord. I ask for God's mercy upon my soul. Please help me to recognize You sooner, Lord, especially when I am displeasing you so that I don't continue to offend you.
I thank you for your mercy and also for answering my prayer that my son get the job that he interviewed for last week.
You are so good and you continue to pour out your blessings on me, even when I don't deserve them.
Amen. Alleluia.
This photo is of the river at Treasure Island.

Easter Joy

I am so blessed this day. I know Jesus loves me because yesterday morning I had what felt very much like a urinary tract infection.
It was agonizingly painful. I prayed, in the name of Jesus, that He would heal me. I am sure I asked Blessed Mother's help, too.
And I have been healed. Praise Jesus, God the Father and the Holy Spirit. And Mary, though whom my life is consecrated to God.
We were also very blessed to have our children here for the celebration of Christ's Resurrection.
Thank you, Lord, for saving us. I pray that you will continue to call my children home.
Thank you, Father, for all your blessings, especially the Gift of your Son.
Today's photo is of the Pascha (Easter) lily, long a symbol of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

Holy Days

I love the Easter Triduum. It begins with Holy Thursday, when Christ initiated the Eucharist. Then continues with Good Friday, when the Lord is crucified. The Easter Vigil is the re-enactment of our entire faith. From the beginning of the Law introduced by Moses to its fulfillment in Christ.
And of course, Easter Sunday, the celebration of Christ's Resurrection.
Thank you, Lord, for these Holy Days.
Thank you, also for the gift of Divine Mercy. The novena began on Good Friday and will conclude on Divine Mercy Sunday.
Praise you, Lord and thank you.
The North Platte river at Treasure Island access is today's photo.

Holy Week

I started off Holy Week thinking it would be very sacred.
Then I had an ugly argument with a friend that left me feeling icky. I emailed her an apology.
I went to Confession and received absolution for my sins, and faults and failings.
Fr. Also advised me to not give up on my friend. I had been thinking that I should just quit the friendship because I have been hurt and hurt again. He reminded me of Peter and how Jesus didn't give up on him even though he was as  hurt by Peter as I have been by my friend.
Today when I read "God Calling" today's meditation was on "God is love."
So, I called my friend and apologized. I wished her safe travels on a short journey she is taking and told her I love her.
But, I find myself still holding back as far as committing to do anything with her, afraid that she will stand me up yet again.
I found it easier to send a letter and book anonymously to another woman who had posted on Facebook a diatribe against organized religion.
Anyway, I am trying to finish Holy Week in a spirit of humble love, obedience and worship of my God. I am hoping to get better at the "tough love" stuff when it's hard to love. I must remember how much God loved me, and try to emulate Him.
Today's photo is of the crown of thorns and the spikes.

Listen to the Lord

Oh, Lord!
I am so sorry for all my sins and failings. I spent your day, Palm Sunday,  watching television and eating sweets. Please forgive me and help me to finish Holy Week in a holy manner.

I don't know why I continue to ignore the inner urges I get from the Holy Spirit to pray or to turn off the television so that I might hear your sweet voice.

Forgive me, Blessed Mother, because you have agreed to identify with all that I am and I have embarrassed and disappointed you.

Lord, what shall I do today?
How shall I live this week?

Begin by writing what I speak to your heart. You dedicated your web page to me and have in the past shared with others the heart to heart conversations we have. Do so again, beginning today.
Also, when you hear me speaking in your heart, then stop to savor the glory and joy of it.
Listen to what I am telling you. You have become so used to hearing my voice that you forget it is the voice of your Lord and God.
It is not your inner self speaking, but I AM, your God and King.

Because of my great love for you, I have forgiven you for becoming used to the small still voice that is My Holy Spirit, living and loving in your heart.
But, you must start becoming more obedient and instantly responsive to this inner voice.  How shall I use you to accomplish my will if you consider it to be a suggestion and not a royal command?
I know you have a great love and belief in me. Put this love into action. You have become a slave to the addictions you tried to give up this Lent. I don't want you to be a slave to anyone or anything. I want you to live in the freedom that is promised to those who love me.
This is something I want you to live every day, not just during Lent.
So, let's begin again today. Begin with your morning devotions. Listen to my voice the rest if today and I will guide you, moment by  moment.
I love you, my Child. I do forgive you. Come, follow me and live life to the full.
Yesterday, we had snow, again.

Perseverance

As I have failed to keep my vows, I have to hope that giving of myself in other ways may somehow make up for poor choices I have made. Undoubtedly, however, all that really makes up for my sins is the Body and Blood of Christ, sacrificed for me, that I might be made holy.
Does perseverance count if we keep persevering in the same faults and failings that cause us to fail our God?
I have so often thought it would be wonderful to be a saint, but I don't seem to have any of the qualities that make one holy.
Lord, please forgive me my faults, failings and sins and fill me with the grace I need to be who you want me to be.
Today's photo is of UW icon Pistol Pete.

Failure on all fronts

I have failed at all my Lenten sacrifices.
My own disobedience in choosing to watch television and consume sweets is of major disappointment to me.
I read where St. Augustine called such desires concupiescence. Doing what I don't want to do in spite of knowing that it is morally objectionable.
Maybe not in and of themselves, but morally objectionable for me. Because I intended to give them up and I didn't do what I vowed.
I also realized that because I have consecrated myself to Blessed Mother that I have sullied her with my miserableness and disobedience.
I must go to confession and try to break free of these ingrained addictions.
Oh, my Lord. Please forgive me and help me to be who you want me to be.
Also, please forgive me for the disrespect I have shown both you and your mother. And our Father and the Holy Spirit.
Thank you for the second, third and numerous other chances you have bestowed on me.
Today's photo is of the Holy Family. Statuary in our parish church.
I will try to finish out Holy Week in a manner worthy of You.

A short note

Today's posting is going to be short due to I've already been asleep on the couch in front of the tv.
You would think I would learn.
Apparently, I have more lessons to learn.
Today's photo is more deer.

Joys of Communion

A number of years ago, I thought I knew who was speaking to me in the depths of my heart, only it was not the Lord.
I mean, I knew that God was there and that the reason I could have these terrific "heart to heart" conversations with my friend was because of God living in my heart.
But it took me years to realize that it was actually God with whom I was speaking.
When I thought it was my friend, I was filled with an excitement that is beyond description. It seemed like such a wonderful gift that God had granted to the two of us. You would think that such a gift coming from God would also fill my heart with joy and wonder and it did.
Later, when the friendship between myself and another waned, it seemed to me that the gift of a heart to heart conversation did, too.
Yet, yesterday as I was preparing for Mass, I mentioned to the Lord that in years past, I had been filled with such joy at the thought of sharing Communion in Him with my friend. I used to try to work it out that we would receive Communion together, side by side.
It was something that would have filled me with joy. Yesterday, we did receive Communion side by side. Without any "working it out" on my part.
At the time, I didn't appreciate it because I had become lightheaded and was focused on staying upright. Yet, the Lord arranged such an event for me.
Perhaps as a reminder that such joy is possible again.
Thank you, Lord, for the gift of joy in the past and as a reminder that such joys are possible again.
Let me be ever more focused on You so that I shan't miss the opportunity to find You in my friends and the people of my faith community.
Today's photo is of some deer.

Argument and debate

I told my cousin that I no longer want to debate or discuss issues on which we disagree.
We have had long running discussions on our beliefs over the course of the past few years.
At first, I thought she might be open to hearing about God and my beliefs. But she isn't and I grew tired of her endless tirades against my church and my God.
Her negative thoughts have worn me out. I love her and desire that her soul be saved, even if she doesn't.
But, I cannot continue to listen to her.
May God have mercy on me for failing to bring her around. May he have mercy on her and grant her salvation.
Today's photo is of ths Holy Family statuary in our church.

Mama goose

Today's photo is of a nesting mama goose. She has built her nest in the middle of the river on a gravel bar island.
Whether her nest will survive until the goslings are born will be determined as each day passes. The place where she resides can and usually is underwater once the spring runoff starts.
Today she ran off another goose pair who happened to venture too close to her nest. The noise was fearsome as she defended her "turf."
Mother geese are incredible. There are many (former) eagle's nests that are now home to geese because the mama goose was able to run off the eagle inhabitants.
I imagine the eagle nest seems huge,  quite comfy and a safe haven in which to sit upon her brood of eggs.
Thank you, Lord, for the wonders of nature that I am blessed to  have surrounding me.