Betrayed

Yesterday was one of those really hard days for me when I was angry and upset with almost everyone. It seemed to me then that I had been betrayed by those from whom I was most counting on for support.
I re-read some of my handwritten journal posts and realize that this is something I have also done before and in much the same manner. I get hurt or angered by someone and I verbally abuse them--in my heart and mind and soul, but never out loud.
I always feel so bad when I do this and later must ask for forgiveness and healing. I wonder how much damage I do to myself and to those to whom I direct these thoughts.
So now we must consider the betrayal. Was I truly betrayed? I was in a meeting with others and I was the only one who spoke out about some things that all had expressed concerns about previously. I think it made me sound bitter and petty. Then I have to wonder if I am bitter and petty and have to believe that I was-- at least yesterday.
Today I spent more time alone with you, Lord, seeking absolution for my rage and hatred at those whom I feel betrayed me. I have to wonder how you actually felt love and forgiveness towards your betrayers?
Thank you for my friends and family and please bless them with something special, Lord.

My beloved child, be at peace. You agonized over this meeting for too long and were expecting too much of others. Do not feel bad over the lack of boldness on their part to speak out. So often in this world, I lack a spokesperson. There were injustices committed and injustices are still being committed. Your job is to love. I know this is a most difficult task--especially for one who has asked me to send down fire and brimstone on those who hurt you--:) but you must love all. Love those who fret you and those who do not. The way to victory is gained by loving, especially, those who fret you. So, this night, I want you to let go of your hurts and anguishes. Give them to me to deal with and trust that I will deal with them. I am for you. You need not fear letting me handle this for you. I know their hearts and minds better than you. I will deal with it and all will be well. All is well. Do not be afraid for I am with you and in you and for you.

My Lord, thank you for being there for me. Thank you for upholding me with the right hand of your rightousness and for forgiving me my failures and faults. I know I must forgive others when their failures and faults cause me pain because mine have so often caused you pain. Yet you hold me in tender love and wash my guilt away in the blood of your sacrifice. How I love you Lord and long to love you even more. Please be with me in ever fuller measure and grant me your joy.