Advent 2014, Day 1

"To you, I lift up my soul, O my God.
In you, I have trusted; let me not be put to shame.
Nor let my enemies exult over me;
and let none who hope in you be put to shame. " Cf. Ps 25 (24):1-3

This verse is the entrance antiphon for today's Mass. It spoke to my heart because I so often feel/think that those whom I love the most, my family, so often scoff and mock me for my beliefs.
I so want my faith in God to be vindicated in a large and great manner. "Let me not be put to shame." Show them, Lord, that I am not crazy or deluded.
It's not necessarily that I doubt, although I have been going through a dark valley recently.
But, it has been so long since I have felt the sweetness that comes from communion with the Lord.
Much of this is my own fault, granted. For my prayer life has not been a fertile time when my soul should be fed and nourished. Rather, it has been a time of rote prayer and me doing all the talking and not listening to that small still voice of the Lord.
I have put barriers between myself and the Lord and I don't know how to break them down. I need God's help doing that. Or rather, I just need God to do it.
A commentary on Advent from "The Word Among Us"  states "He loves you completely. He delights in you. He enjoys giving you good things. So go ahead, and ask him for something this Advent."
I am not sure what to ask for and have been busy planning small Advent surprises for friends and acquaintances. I want them to see Him in the gifts that I give. I want to be His hands.
I want my family to recognize the Gift they have been given in Baptism and Confirmation and to start living their faith.
I want to be thinner and healthier. I want to be more organized.
I want to be holy and ultimately a saint. I want to be able to fast in a way that pleases God. I would love to have a gift of the Holy Spirit manifest itself in my life. And have the courage, humility and knowledge to use it for God's glory.
I want to speak Spanish adequately enough to talk to my Hispanic friends and acquaintances.
Those are my wants and desires. My Christmas list, if you will.
Lord, I don't know which of the above to ask for. You know the desires of my heart. Please give me the vision to recognize the gifts You choose to give me this Advent.
Because I do know that You love me, even though I sometimes don't feel it. I accept it on faith because You have told me so in Your written word and in Your sacraments.
And I thank You for whatever You choose to give me in whatever manner You think is best. I also thank You for the many blessings you have already poured out upon me. I thank you for the gift of Your Mother and for her love of me as well.